^ This is very important.
There’s a reason why college libraries are open till Midnight. College students are very,very busy. College is like school+full time job.
If you’re your parents’ support system right now, you and they need to plan for the transition. If you have siblings, the next in age should shoulder the tasks you took care of till now (that may require shadowing you and your training them.) If you don’t, you need to brainstorm and find relatives or friends they can trust. Everything must be in place and some trial runs must take place before you leave.
Btw, you wouldn’t be abandonning your parents but rather taking flight, trusting they can manage on their own, just as they must trust you will manage on your own.
This is true. My son’s school is 2 miles from our house. We do see him sometimes, but not more than one might expect to see any other friends or family who live in the area. He’s busy and has a full life at his school!
I know everyone giving advice in this thread means well. However, none of us know OP’s family or their dynamics. The immigrant families I am most familiar with expect their children to prioritize the needs of the family over themselves. That could be accompanying an elderly relative to appointments and acting as a translator or providing childcare to other relatives. OP’s family of origin may have smiliar expectations.
The expectations of women in the culture with which I am familiar are also higher than those for the men. My D19’s friend was summoned from college during the middle of the semester to care for her younger siblings while the parents traveled to their home country. She had two brothers—one living nearby—who could have cared for the younger siblings. The parents never even asked them.
I understand it seems unfair to some that OP may be denied the opportunity to attend her dream school but we do not know all the variables. At this point, we should focus on being supportive instead of giving OP more reasons to doubt her decision.
Update: I haven’t received Penn’s award letter yet but I was able to get an extension to respond to their offer (up to a week after my award letter arrives) which is awesome!
Thank you! I’m planning on submitting my SIR to UCLA by the end of this week so if anything happens I won’t be too far away from home.
I emailed Penn for an extension so I can at least see what their aid is like (and also because one of the programs I’m in requests for me to send photos of my award packages) but otherwise I’m very content on UCLA! I’ll try again for Penn in the future
Even if you’re at UCLA you won’t be able to drop everything to go - it’s going to be nothing like HS when you were around so it’s important to plan for others to take over the day-to-day, week by week tasks - train siblings, talk with neighbors who can help… and it’s a transition for you too. Exciting and hopefully not guilt-inducing, but a transition nevertheless because your role is going to change.
Were you able to talk with your GC? Since she went to bat for you with Penn, she deserves a little bit of explanation, especially the fact you didn’t receive their fly-in invitation and as of May1 your FA package had not arrived yet. It will also provide cover for her and for any future student she wishes to recommend to Penn.
(If that package were $0 to pay and everything covered beyond what UCLA can offer, would it make a difference at this point?
Will your parents be able to pay the 8k for you?)
My counselor was the one who called the financial aid office and ask them about my delayed award letter. I have already uploaded all of the necessary documents but I can’t tell if they have looked them over or not since I had to resubmit them just in case.
8k a year should be manageable but I do feel bad turning down Penn especially if they gave me a full ride or at least great financial aid (and because it’s Penn). At least I know I’ll still be happy going to UCLA.
And at least your parents can afford UCLA, which is a terrific university.
(Try to get a hold of the GenChem and GenBio textbooks ahead of time, perhaps look for them used before 1000s of students try to get them, or check them out at the UCLA library. Or, if you have a reliable internet connection, review AP chem and AP bio through Khan Academy. Make sure you don’t overload your 1st quarters - this is a marathon not a sprint, so start slow and build momentum: 1 science, 1 math, 1 English comp, 1 easier class - always look for balance. Premed dreams die when students start their 1st term with GenChem with Lab AND GenBio with lab, ie., 2 sciences+calc+English. Start with GenChem+lab and build from there.)
SIR should be May 15 for UCLA, right?
for Penn. when the award letter arrives… who knows?
Thank you so much for the tips!
They emailed back and extended my SIR deadline to a week after I get my award letter but they said it might take a total of 2-3 weeks when my counselor called (if they can process my documents and mark them as submitted ).
Call Penn fin aid today. Ask them. Honestly, if they give you a full ride, or a way that you can swing it on your own, just take it. The show down with the family is going to happen eventually - you might as well take your best option ahead of it, since it’s coming anyways…
I know lots of kids from families like this and typically there aren’t “showdowns”. Parents need kid to drop everything to accompany a grandparent to a routine medical appointment. Kid explains “I have a midterm tomorrow. If I miss the midterm, I get an automatic downgrade once I take the makeup exam”. Parent finds a cousin who can take the grandparent. Parents WANT kid to shlep two hours each way for nephew’s second birthday party on Sunday. Kid explains 'Gosh, I’d love to be there but my chem review session with my study group is Sunday afternoon and if I miss the review session I might not pass the final- please give them all my love". Parents NEED the kid to accompany them to the bank for a meeting on refinancing the house. Kid explains- “Tuesday between 3-5 pm works for me to attend in person. Or Monday and Wednesday noon- 2 pm I can be on a Zoom between classes”.
And gradually, slowly, surely the family figures out other resources, other solutions which don’t involve the college kid risking flunking out for the sake of family obligations.
I don’t think there needs to be a showdown. Kid can attend a local college and just get immersed in college life (job, studying, classes, professor’s office hours, volunteering) and gradually be “less present”.
Would that it could always go this smoothly. It doesn’t always, especially in families where the younger kids won’t step up to the plate, especially in families where there are ethno-religious issues that mean that the family consider normal, accepted college practices (late night study groups, for example) to be unacceptable due to “moral” issues.
Penn is her best acceptance, and will probably come in at the lowest cost. Yes, her family will probably adjust to her being gone, but they don’t want to. They don’t want her away, ostensibly because they are worried that she may need them, but there may be other issues, too. Most importantly, they ALWAYS told her that they could not afford a penny for college for her (probably true), but now that the cheapest option that she can swing without any help from them is far away, they suddenly say they can come up with 8K/yr.
for your GC being aware.
for Penn.