Advice on double whammy: No kids for T-Day or Xmas week

Parent Cafe
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<p>Here I was, the best mom in the world…and yet…</p>

<p>Nobody could get home for T-day. Two are just post-college, working jobs 8 hours away, while the other’s a freshman in California. Okay, I understand.</p>

<p>Now eldest S just got a lucrative short-term professional gig off-Broadway in NYC. Middle D has a daily job in Providence RI, where she may or may not be able to ask for days off in late December. She works at a preschool and we don’t know if they’ll be in session that week; it’s just a tiny unknown detail. </p>

<p>Basically I’m weighing whether to travel solo to each of them separately, or do a house-swap around NYC so we can gather as a unit of 5. My H is surprisingly unconcerned. I’m growing weary of cellphones and emails. </p>

<p>THe house-swap is a big production with associated risks, although we’ve done it twice before with good results. </p>

<p>I could also just cough up the hotel money for a shorter 2-day visit to NYC.
With a house-swap you can sometimes arrange 4 or 5 days at that time of year and I can cook nicely from their kitchen to gather all. D would come down by bus from PRovidence; California guy drive out with us.</p>

<p>We aren’t tied to any dates because we’re Hanukah people, so that’s helpful to be flexible then. There’s a Xmas season “market” for young NYC-area families who need to get back to their upstate family-of-origin homes for the holiday, but can’t or won’t fit in at their parents’ home, which is sometimes a downsized-condominium. Very interesting, but I know it’s a risk every time we do this. </p>

<p>Basically, I can’t ask myself the right questions to figure out what’s most important here: seeing all in a 5-pack, or going from city to city on my own schedule and staying on their living room couch, or paying for a short-sweet hotel visit. </p>

<p>Money’s kinda tight but I’d splurge. I feel too sad to get through the entire upcoming winter without some kind of reunion. Help me think, please…</p>

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<p>I vote for the house swap. Sounds like an extra special solution to the problem. Lemons= Lemonade.</p>

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<p>p3t:</p>

<p>My two kids have gone back to their respective abodes and I’m beginning to adjust to being an empty-nester again.
I’d suggest going to see the kids individually. Trying to orchestrate 5 different schedules is going to be very stressful. You don’t have to do it all in the same window of time. For example, your CA kid might have a lighter January schedule. Best of luck!</p>

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<p>p3t - Something to consider as you decide what to do is whether it is important for your three kids to see each other during the holiday season. If it is important to them to be together, the house-swap would be a great way to do that. Otherwise, it might be more fun and easier to visit each kid in his or her home territory. You would have plenty of time to visit with each one individually, and you might enjoy getting to know the areas where your kids live.</p>

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<p>Try to visit each kid individually. The one on one time is priceless!</p>

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<p>I’m wondering if you could find a beach rental on the Connecticut shore for that week. Accessible EASILY via Amtrak from NYC and Providence. Plenty of non-seasonal rentals and decent prices I think. (Not a real estate agent, so not really sure here, but it’s worth a few calls.) Townwise, think in terms of Branford through Groton.</p>

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<p>Thinking about this last night, and as in my own case, new patterns are possibly being made in this time of transition. This is such an individual decision, and every family has different needs at this time of year. </p>

<p>Questions…</p>

<p>What do you want your family December gatherings to be in future? How could this decision help make or break those gatherings in future? </p>

<p>Would it feel more celebratory to you to be together as a family, or seeing each one separately? If you had separate visits, would you or someone else feel they 'missed out? </p>

<p>How would the college freshman feel being in NYC for a number of days vs home with HS buddies? </p>

<p>Might there be other times for one on one? Or a better time to all gather in the next few months, free of holiday insanity?</p>