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<p>I would feel more comfortable if the kids driving cross country would be in constant contact either verbally or online with the mom-based home team.</p>
<p>soozie, that’s where I would draw the line, too!</p>
<p>OP - are they doing it just for fun or because the car cannot be stored somewhere near their college? Who is going to pay for motels, fuel and food? The costs of those can add up and easily be more expensive than the price of 2 RT plane tickets! Are they planning on camping to save on lodging? That one I would not approve of, unless they are “camping” at KOA campgrounds (those are located near freeways and a fairly safe).</p>
<p>Does the vehicle have to be transported back to the Point A in the fall? That will mean another cross-country drive!</p>
<p>Lodging would be one of my first questions, too, but not because of the sex. I remember having to fax my permission to hotels in my daughter’s college town when she went back without us before school started because they would not rent a room to anyone under 21. I’m sure that’s not the same everywhere, but they should certainly make some calls ahead and secure lodging with their ages known, if they decide to go.</p>
<pre><code>I happen to think driving across our wonderful country is a relatively safe activity, and is a great experience providing the drivers are competent and the car is in good condition. Even good cars tend to have problems on long trips, so I’d want to make sure that they have AAA and know what to do if they are stuck in some desert without cell phone coverage. Would your daughter be sharing the driving, and is she still insured? How well does she know this boy, and is she familiar with his driving habits and abilities? For how long in one stretch would they be driving? I’d urge them to take it a bit slower and not to drive late at night.
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<p>With regards to the sex issue, I think I’d ask my daughter (after the safety issues are covered) if she feels comfortable sharing such tight quarters with this boy she’s known for (however long) and if this is something she truly wants to do. I’d be much less worried about this issue than the safety issues- and yes, I’d worry about their safety at that age because they really haven’t had that much life experience. As a college senior, I’d feel much more relaxed about it. College is a great learning experience, and they do mature during that four years. I can see why you’re on the fence. Good luck with this. :)</p>
<p>D and boyfriend drove back to college, about 800 miles, after xmas break one year. They were both quite responsible and planned things out in advance. Honestly, I was glad she had him with her rather than another girl. Seemed a little bit safer to me.</p>
<p>Especially now, with cellphones and GPS, this prospect is less worrisome for a parent.
I do think other posters are right–be sure and have the safety talk with her/them.
Things kids don’t think about–rest areas, making sure to switch drivers every 200 miles or so, not driving too late at night (motels start getting full after 8:30), etc. Also, the renting to under-21 can be an issue, so confirm with a few hotels on the route. I always advised D to make reservations up ahead–most of the highway hotels have pretty liberal cancel policies if you decide to drive further or stop sooner. </p>
<p>Oh, like Moonchild, I always made sure she had AAA and understood what the benefits were and how/when to use them. Moonchild also mentions the insurance issue. Normally, most auto insurance covers “other drivers” but still worth asking the question.</p>
<p>I remember when both my kids did their first real road trips and that I was pretty worried. However, they were great about keeping in touch and I learned to deal with it. I still worry when they do it now (both out of college) but my coping skills have improved along with their life-skills! </p>
<p>I’d give her permission, but with caveats re all these things.</p>
<p>My two boys have done cross country drives mostly because my husband did one at 16 so he convinced me to let them go. They did it with friends, we made sure they had a decent vehicle, enough money and a debit card (in case of breakdowns we could load the card). I was, of course nervous, but I asked that they call me every night when they stopped. They “camped” their way so hotels weren’t an issue. They planned their route so we knew pretty much where they were along the way. The kids were seniors so had been driving for three years and all had pretty good driving records (of course with both trips there is always one lead foot kid that’s not yours that you have to “yell” at before they take off.) In the OPs situation I’d want to really know the boy quite well. The “sex” issue well frankly if they are in college they either are or they aren’t, and they either will or they won’t on this trip, not too much you can do about that.</p>
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What??</p>
<p>I would be very worried about the driving, unless they are experienced OOT drivers, and have a reliable (and not too small) car. I would have a hard time to just say “No” based on my fear alone, but would definitely ask to be called at least once a day.</p>
<p>I would not worry about the sex situation - it is up to them, and out of your hands anyway. If you are absolutely sure that your daughter is not sexually active and would like to stay that way, I maybe would mention that she should be aware that agreeing to such trip could give the guy a wrong message, and she should have a discussion with him about that.</p>
<p>teriwitt:
</p>
<p>Really, really funny!!!</p>
<p>No matter how nervous it makes you, I think you should say yes. The fact that she said she would not flout your wishes simply tells me she is a respectful, loving daughter who does not want to upset her parent. But you have to let go, and let her live her life.</p>
<p>She is an adult and she can do this. Being with a young man will make her safer than if she was alone.</p>
<p>Oh, and just for the record, yes, I would be worried the whole time they are gone about car wrecks, muggings, etc. That just comes with the territory. To me, the sex thing is a non-issue.</p>
<p>So much excellent advice here - thank you! My DD is not going, but when she does go on a trip like this, I will look back on this thread for all the great ideas on how to make it as safe as possible.</p>
<p>It turned out well, I think. The young people may have detected (while we were still deciding) that the parents were worried about safety, and chose not to go. Perhaps the plans just fell apart. </p>
<p>The discussion with DD was basically about whether or not my husband and I would fund her journey (she is quite poor - her time has been packed with valuable but non-income producing activities). She likes to check in with us to hear our opinions as she makes important decisions, but at nineteen she has entered the age where she really should be (and is) making her own choices. </p>
<p>Some of you described amazing road trip experiences had by your young adult children or yourselves at that age. I do feel a little sad that she isn’t going because I agree that this type of adventure is a sweet memory to make. I turned out to be a capable adult, and I think it happened in part because I was on a lot of high-flying journeys along the way. So I am relieved she isn’t going, but I feel a little bad about it.</p>
<p>Younger people do tend to be more trusting - for instance if someone approached them at a rest stop asking for money - saying their car had broken down, etc. There are many who prey on travelers and target those who they think will be more helpful - a young couple like your D and her BF might fall into that category.</p>
<p>When I was in my early 20s I saw a woman by the side of the road waving her arms - I stopped thinking she was in distress and she had a sob story and asked me for money! So, these people are still around doing the same scam.</p>
<p>Be certain they are aware they should not stop even if it looks like someone is in distress. They can call 911 and report the mile marker the individual was at.</p>
<p>They should also be certain to check in with you via cell phone - also make certain they keep all their valuables in the trunk unless being used - laptops, cell phones, ipods, etc. If they are going to stop somewhere to eat, etc. they should put these things in the trunk and then drive to where they are going to stop. Their GPS unit should be put in the glove compartment - there should be as little as possible visible in the car through the windows. </p>
<p>Be careful if there are university stickers on the car - these scream college student with things to steal!</p>
<p>Thieves target travelers with valuables as we have read other stories about that here on CC. I remember one story that someone posted as they had parked under the light in the parking light and came back to find their laptop had been stolen.</p>
<p>If they withdraw cash they should also be careful about the surroundings. A safer way is to stop at a grocery store - buy some snacks and then ask for cash back.</p>
<p>They will probably be fine - but I would worry the whole time, too!</p>
<p>It sounds like the OP’s issue is decided, so hope it’s ok to ask to hear more about how to think about this. My 17 year old son who has been driving one year and one month, is “planning” ( I have not agreed to it, but he seems to like planning) to take a “road trip” with his high school buds, from N.Call to S.Cal and back. He’s probably got the most driving experience, and I don’t think its enough. I also think none of them “should” be able to afford it, as none of them work or have the responsibility or maturity that goes with it. I think I’d be okay with them starting with a three hour overnight trip.Has anybody let their high schooler takes road trip?</p>
<p>Unfortunately, the out of state license plates will announce their vulnerability and scream take advantage of our naivety. Stay away from small towns/areas where the local law enforcement can stop them at will, even if they weren’t speeding, weaving, or whatever. The law only needs “suspicion” to stop and harass them. Also caution them to watch for the “something dripping from their engine/under carriage” scam as shown on 60 Minutes a few decades back. Motels should be paid in cash. They will have no problem getting a room if they stop where there is a cluster of motels vying for their business. Personal safety would be my concern for the two.</p>
<p>Hahaha @ teriwtt, I was just thinking that!</p>
<p>I have a son the same age and driving experience as yours. He wanted to do the same thing…drive from socal to norcal to visit some friends. I just wasn’t comfortable with it, so I said no until he has more driving experience. I’d also like for him to be 18 before he does that, in case of an emergency situation. I have, however, let him take the Amtrak about 175 miles to San Diego to visit friends and it has worked out great.</p>
<p>Yes, agree on the train trip. My sister went cross country on the train with her freshman college boyfriend years ago and had as much fun as a car trip. I will say, there is a world of difference between kids that have been driving everyday for 3 years by 18 through rain, snow, sleet, ice, city traffic and rural roads that have speed limits of 55 and no shoulder. And with mine… after three years of driving each have have run out of gas, had breakdowns, had to call tow trucks…you can guess with boys. My youngest told me my middle considers the top of the red E bar “full of gas” but not to worry he says, he and his friends know how to “shake” the car to get enough gas to coast to a gas station. Yikes, that is information I did not need to know.</p>
<p>Hmmmm…I was all set to say YES, based on the title alone. It’s hard, you’ll be nervous, but there is a time for all “firsts”. Then I read it’s with her boyfriend. I look back on my own time (and…as we all say…things were different then), and - well…gosh, it’s hard. Let’s face it…our kids aren’t kids anymore. And they’re gonna be whatever they are, involved in whatever they are. My own D says “Mom…I’m like the ONLY one who doesn’t…” fill in the blank - sex, drugs, rock and roll. They ARE physically adults. But…they’re still our babies. </p>
<p>Hard to say since I’m not in your shoes. But, I’d say my decision would NOT be based on whether or not your daughter should make the drive with a friend. THAT will be a great experience, good and bad. As for it being a BOYfriend…it would depend on how I feel about their relationship. I would be asking myself how he treats her, are they in love or just having some fun, what will happen if they end up in a fight? If I thought it would be a great experience, I’d say yes. But one condition would be they both had to sit down with me and listen to me “pre-whine/warn”. "Here is your AAA card, use this number. Here are places where you can stay that are decent but inexpensive. You must call me DAILY, at least. Here is cash. HEre is a credit card. Take pictures. Have fun. Don’t drive tired!!! Don’t drive distracted. One navigates and one drives. Etc Etc Etc. If they could live through that…they can go.</p>
<p>Shrinkrap: Sorry, my first post at 10:14 was in response to yours. I’m newish here, and forgot to clarify that :)</p>
<p>The smackdown from the morality police would be the least of my worries…and anyway, everyone has different morals when it comes to their young adult children’s sexuality</p>
<p>I was faced with this about 6 months ago , only it was my senior daughter’s trip and she was 21. I was very nervous about it for many reasons…mostly because where we live and where she learned to drive is far from stressful ,high traffic and multi-lane highway driving. She just didn’t have a lot of experience with that kind of driving.
Her dad drove out with her and it was a wonderful experience for both of them…stopped in some great places along the way and he took her to get her car serviced once she arrived on the west coast</p>
<p>socalmomx2r; I figured! Thanks. Amtrak is a good idea.</p>
<p>IF their car is reliable: </p>
<p>Say yes. Because they’re adults, because they’re good decision makers. </p>
<p>But require they check in with you frequently. Because it’s their first time doing something like this. And because you’re a mom. </p>
<p>IF their car may not be realiable – that’s a whole different can of worms & time to reassess. </p>
<p>It’s hard to let kids do these things. I know, I’ve been there. But in the end it’s highly gratifying for all involved.</p>