<p>Please chime in on this…Freshman DD and her freshman BF driving across country together at the end of the semester. Nice guy. Good decision-makers. But sooo young! Loooong drive. Where will they stay!!! The trip will take a couple days, so they would have to stay at a…hotel/motel (!). She has asked permission and will comply with my decision. I think I should say no. I am posting this because I like hearing what you all have to say. Whatever would happen either has already happened, or will happen anyway, but I think it is a matter of principle.</p>
<p>I’m not sure that I’d want my freshman D to drive cross country with her GIRLfriend, much less her boyfriend, for safety reasons (forget about the extra-marital sex issues)! But I am admittedly a weenie when it comes to such issues. So says my friend who likes to travel to places in the world that are on the State Department danger/warning list.</p>
<p>The fact that your D is asking you to make the decision and says that she will abide by what you say hints to me that she has reservations and would welcome a way to bow out gracefully from this plan.</p>
<p>While I am the nervous type, I did let my D do this. She was 18, the summer after freshman year of college. She drove 6000 miles from Vermont to Alaska (so that means she drove across country and up the Al Can Highway as well (which is rather remote). She did it with two girls she had grown up with, same age. My D is highly responsible. The trip was mapped out in advance with most reservations made in advance. Some nights were hotels, some camping. She called as she reached each destination nightly. The most nervous part for me was the Al Can Highway where cell phones do not work but she called each night from the spot they planned to go to. I knew where each reservation was made as well. The other nervous aspect was just a few months prior to this trip, my 16 year old was in a very serious car crash resulting in severe injuries. </p>
<p>That said, I am proud of myself for letting my older D do this and I think it was a growth experience. She has gone on to travel a GREAT deal since then, in many countries, sometimes alone, sometimes not, including Third World countries. She has also lived and worked abroad three summers where she was living by herself and knew nobody (in fact, will do so again in another country this summer as of great news she received this evening). </p>
<p>So, I think if you have a responsible kid and her BF is also responsible, and they map out the entire itinerary ahead of time, giving you each place they will stay and where they call to check in upon arrival at each stop or any changes in the plan, it will be difficult for YOU, but something they will get a lot out of and is a step toward more independence. I drove cross country with my husband when I was 22, and so only a little older than your D.</p>
<p>The summer after my frosh year in college, I drove with my best friend from New England to California. One of the best experiences of my life. The car was quite old, and we broke down 20 minutes from home. Got it fixed, crossed our fingers and moved on. Almost didn’t make it across the mountains. Got to Colorado eventually, met a friend who fixed the engine and moved on with him. </p>
<p>I learned a lot about the country from the trip. It was incredible to see it all up close, and I marveled at the mountains in Appalachia, Colorado and California, farms in Iowa…even the slot machines in Reno at some cheap diner. I remember driving the car in Nevada and the hood for some strange reason flipped up…it freaked me out but I could see under a little sliver at the bottom…we all survived. It took several days. </p>
<p>This trip was 25 years ago. No GPS, no cell phones. Don’t remember if we got one of those ‘Trip-Tiks’ from AAA that map out your route (I think we did). Do they even bother with those things anymore?</p>
<p>It was such a positive experience for me and my friend. We still talk about it to this day.</p>
<p>Well, if you say it’s okay, then you’re okay about condoning them having sex outside of marriage? What if she contracts AIDS, STD’s that prevents her from living or having that grandbaby? What if bf gets nasty on her and rapes her? Would you feel responsible by saying it is okay to shack up?</p>
<p>^um…yikes</p>
<p>It is a long, potentially dangerous trip for anyone, let alone two teenagers. I have an almost 18 year old daughter. I don’t like to be her decision maker when she should be able to make the best choice for herself - she needs to “own” her own victories, problems and choices. </p>
<p>I’ve tried to raise her to make careful decisions, and she’s sensible and level-headed, so I’m pretty certain that she would decide for herself that a trip like this is a bad idea. But then, she would never let a boyfriend influence or talk her into anything.</p>
<p>I suggest that you discuss the pros and cons of the trip with your daughter and outline several scenarios on what could go wrong. Then, let her make the decision.</p>
<p>I don’t like to drive long distance. I tend to get tired, so I don’t like to drive by myself. I think my decision would be based on how reliable the car is, how good of drivers they are, and how mature they are (when it comes to crisis, decision making).</p>
<p>As far as sleeping in the same room and having sex, your daughter and her BF wouldn’t be considering taking a trip together if they haven’t shared a same room already, unless they were thinking about getting separate rooms. Her BF wouldn’t take the opportunity to rape her or be nasty, he’s had plenty of opportunity in college if it was his intent (I personally think TrueLove is being ridiculous). I don’t think your daughter is asking you for permission to have sex with her boyfriend, she is over 18.</p>
<p>This scenario would never happen in our house because both of our girls do not like to drive. Driving cross country would not be their idea of fun.</p>
<p>One of the most memorable type things a young person can do. SEX=AIDS, yikes. (Is this forum from some 1940 wayback machine). When I was 18 we hitch-hiked across country. Generally a blast.</p>
<p>I don’t think sex is the issue here. As oldfort already said, they’ve been off at college all year. That issue is behind you.</p>
<p>I was sitting here thinking “I hope daughter doesn’t want to do this at the end of her freshman yr in college”, and then I remembered that I drove halfway across the continent with a friend for spring break freshman year. I do not remember asking permission. (I am female)</p>
<p>My son and his gf drove from the south to NY for spring break during their sophomore year. I don’t remember him asking my permission. He did mention ahead of time that that was the plan. However, he had been driving regularly since he turned 16, his car was pretty new, and I know him to be responsible. We did not try to dissuade him. Part of growing up is having experiences that don’t include mom and dad. I’m sorry to say.</p>
<p>I drove across the country with my BF 3 times, age 18 and 19. (In a VW bug, of course.) No air conditioning-- we poured bottled water over ourselves in the desert. It was a great adventure and I remember it with great pleasure. If they’re responsible young people I think they should be fine.</p>
<p>The OP asked for opinions re: daughter traveling with bf. Daughter stated she would not do so, if OP said no. By OP saying yes she is encouraging daughter to act immorally. Age is irrelevant. It is what is being taught by “approval” that is relevant and, in this case, disconcerting. YIKES, indeed!</p>
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<p>I had to read that a few times to make sure I was reading it correctly. LOL</p>
<p>I certainly would respect that if that’s indeed how OP’s daughter was raised. A drive across country wouldn’t be her down fall.</p>
<p>“Whatever would happen either has already happened, or will happen anyway, but I think it is a matter of principle.” What principle are you referring to? It sounds like you have relinquished any principle.</p>
<p>Son drove with fraternity brother to annual convention. It was summer after freshman yr. I did not want him to go. Husband said take mom’s suv. New tires, new maintence.he checked in every night 10 pm. I am glad he went. He saw the country and had a great time. I thnk it gave us both confidence in son.</p>
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<p>Obviously TrueLove is a Duggar in disguise.</p>
<p>TrueLove…a GF and BF who have already been on their own at college, if they wanted to have sex, can and would have and a trip like this doesn’t afford them any new opportunity in that regard. Further, the BF and GF are adults and a parent can’t control this aspect of their lives any longer. If they are already in a sexual relationship, then they still will be on the trip. If they have chosen to not be sexually involved, then rooming together on the trip doesn’t change that. </p>
<p>By the way, MANY parents, myself included, do not have any problem with our adult kids who are in college having sex with their significant other. I did it at that age and have no issue if my kids do so. I would allow my college daughter to travel on a trip with her BF if she wanted to. Nothing new or different would occur as far as their relationship goes that is any different than their time at college. </p>
<p>Further, don’t assume that every male and female who share a room are having sex or will be raped! Geez. Let’s see…my 21 year old daughter was on a national tour this past fall. She chose to room in the hotel every night of the tour in a room of two girls and two boys. These were all young adults who were recent college grads. Before you get too worried, the two guys were gay and did not share beds with the girls. Also, my D, still 21, told me tonight, that after she performs in a concert in Europe this summer (all expenses paid), she wants to take advantage of being over there to travel a bit. She would like her BF to fly over and travel with her but he may not have the money. Therefore, a male friend (who she is not in a relationship with) who is also in the concert performance with her, will likely travel with her instead. I have no problem with it and am delighted she has someone to travel with. She won’t be sleeping with him as she has a BF already. I could care less if they share a room. Not everyone who shares a room sleeps with each other.</p>
<p>I think TrueLove’s intent was to pour some oil on the fire :)</p>
<p>It all depends on the level of their maturity and how good their driving records are (also, the technical condition of the vehicle has to be considered as well). I would not let a kid who had a few fender-benders drive a 1973 VW bus across the country. :)</p>
<p>This young lady apparently did not have much trouble convincing her parents to let her sail around the world :eek:</p>
<p>[Teenage</a> sailor Abby Sunderland approaching treacherous Cape Horn](<a href=“http://www.grindtv.com/outdoor/blog/16744/teenage+sailor+abby+sunderland+approaching+treacherous+cape+horn/]Teenage”>http://www.grindtv.com/outdoor/blog/16744/teenage+sailor+abby+sunderland+approaching+treacherous+cape+horn/)</p>
<p>^^^I must admit, I draw the line there. No way would I ever allow that one!</p>
<p>What is the real reason you don’t want her to go? Sex? It’s possibly dangerous? Her statement of independence. She is nonetheless 18 and you can’t really tell her what to do. </p>
<p>I would outline for her your reservations, any caveats you have (common sense things like give you a detailed itinerary, making lodging arrangements ahead of time, having GPS, daily calls or calls in the event of change of plans), and let her make the decision. If she is really looking for a way out, stating your reservations will give her any argument she needs to decline the trip. </p>
<p>I would also go over with both of them safety rules. Where to park, asking for a room on an upper floor near the elevator, not opening the hotel room door without verifying the identity of whomever is there, checking for emergency exits, what to do in the event of a severe storm (tornado, for eg), how to tell if you’re in a bad neighborhood. I would also make sure they had a good car repair kit in the trunk and knew how to use it and that they both know how to change a tire. </p>
<p>As many have pointed out, such trips create memories for a lifetime. Of course, bad things can happen, but they can happen at home, too. </p>
<p>Why not have her do a blog about her trip for family and friends?</p>