<p>An Op-Ed from the NY Times with some good advice for freshmen, or anyone.</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/26/opinion/26gradstudents.html?_r=1[/url]”>http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/26/opinion/26gradstudents.html?_r=1</a></p>
<p>this seems like common sense:</p>
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<p>But, this seems like really good advice:</p>
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<p>Lots of good advice in this article. Thanks for posting.</p>
<p>I don’t necessarily buy the “dump the boyfriend” idea - at least not right away and not for everyone.</p>
<p>D is a freshman and she has already seen some truly disastrous situations arise at her college from ill-advised “hookups.” She has managed to stay out of the fray because she is still in a relationship with her boyfriend who is 750 miles away. They may not stay together forever, but if/when they do break up, they’ll both have their feet under them at college and know a lot of people as “friends,” including members of the opposite sex. Right now they are free to meet anyone as a friend, without the possibility of a romantic entanglement causing confusion and hurt feelings in a new friendship. </p>
<p>Of course, if you’re spending all your time texting/calling/Skyping your honey who is 1000 miles away, and not becoming emotionally invested in your own campus, that’s a problem. If you expect your sweetie to visit you every weekend and live in your room, or if you leave campus to go see him/her all the time, that’s a problem. But if you can strike a good balance, and not hold back from joining groups and clubs and making friends, I think coming to college with a healthy relationship that’s already established can keep you from getting caught up in some sticky situations.</p>
<p>I also do not agree with the dump the boyfriend thing, although I haven’t always felt this way. My daughter is still with her high school sweetheart and the relationship is allowing her to mingle with others and learn about the “hooking” up stuff without participating in it. Instead of being blindly led by a more “street-wise” student, my daughter is insulated a little by being committed to her boyfriend and this is giving her some time to learn the ropes and mature a little.</p>
<p>Now, do not expect them to be together forever. Personally, I wouldn’t be surprised if they break up this Christmas as communication has been a challenge for them. Both are very involved on their individual campuses, so the relationship has not imprisoned either of them. As great as that is, with both of them having very busy schedules communicating hasn’t been as often as I think my daughter needs. It is this reason that I feel will tear them apart.</p>
<p>I agree. I should have noted that! Keep the boyfriend. Far away boyfriends are a great thing because they don’t have unmeetable expectations. Truly. Dumping the Long distance boyfriend is highly overrated!</p>
<p>I say this as someone who married her HS sweetheart after going to separate colleges. :)</p>
<p>I follow one rule, do not listen to advice of others, look at your own circumstances and needs, follow your own heart and let others do the same. I am strongly promoting this rule to my D.</p>
<p>I thought the article was really good even the part about dumping the highschool sweetheart. My daughter and her boyfriend have been dating since her jr year of highschool. They broke up midway through her freshman year of college. It was probably for the best because they reunited and he is about to graduate and she is in her jr year of college. It gave them both a chance to date others and figure out if they really wanted to be together. Things could still change but I would not be surprised if they ended up together in a few years.</p>
<p>When parents worry about their kid staying with the HS sweetheart just think of the alternatives…sometimes they are not pretty.</p>
<p>I think the dump the boyfriend is good advice. Often it is dump or be dumped. If you are not the “hooking up” kind of girl you aren’t going to hook up whether you have a long distance boyfriend or not. Remain friends and maybe it will work out in the future. But often keeping the boyfriend leads to overanalyzing every picture and wallpost on facebook and keeps you from throwing yourself fully into your own college experience. Although I guess if you dump the laptop that won’t be so much of a problem.</p>
<p>‘Dump the Boyfriend’ is potentially good advice, particularly to students who are trying to hold onto the comfort of part of their past without fully embracing the present. I must admit that I worried about our daughter who left for college last year, with her boyfriend of 2+ years going to school 3,000 miles away. She has now entered her 2nd year, and so far, so good. She has made tons of good friends without the added pressure of whether or not some of those friends are ‘boyfriend material’.</p>
<p>Our daughter’s experience may be out-of-the-ordinary though, as she had already left the Boyfriend behind for a high school exchange semester abroad, and he left for college while she was still a high school Senior. So, she entered college with significant experience having a long-term relationship.</p>
<p>I really think it depends on the individuals and shouldn’t be a monolithic rule.</p>
<p>I’m still with the boyfriend 33 years later; at this point, staying with him seems simpler.:)</p>
<p>Dump the boyfriend really depends on the boyfriend… and the girlfriend… and the maturity of the relationship. D is a junior now and still dating the hs boyfriend. They seem to make it work with Skype and trips to see one another. Honestly, I’m happier with this situation that the bar-hopping hook-ups that COULD be an alternative. Maybe I’d feel differently if I didn’t like the boyfriend or I saw some evidence that this relationship was toxic, but I do and it isn’t.</p>
<p>Besides, today’s long-distance relationships are nothing compared to the olden days. Skype? Texting? Unlimited cellphone minutes? Pfft. These kids today are wusses. Let’s talk about the days of snail mail and $300 long-distance bills!</p>
<p>Oh lord, Scout, isn’t that the truth! I remember how excited I’d get when I’d see a letter in my mailbox (it had a window in front, so you could see the letter before you unlocked it. We couldn’t afford those phone bills, so could easily go weeks without talking (well, it wasn 't easy at all, actually.)</p>
<p>All that yearning. All those letters I re-read over and over again. All the anticipation: I remember writing in the margins of my class notebook “Only 68 more days!” “Only 67 more days!”</p>
<p>I couldn’t afford those phone bills either, but for some reason I could actually charge my long-distance bill to my Sears card. PLus, I did have a long-distance relationship once I started my first real job; between rent and long-distance I had no disposable income!</p>