she’ll come to do her laundry (or for you to do it)
My S did not do this. Plenty of machines in his dorm.
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I live in a college town, and both our kids, DiLs, and several relatives have gone to school here. They all had different circumstances but the common thread was generally allowing them to contact us.
That being said, we proved through our actions that we would always come when called, Broken down cars, emergencies in apartments, whatever. We often provided holiday breakspace for friends who weren’t going home, it was awesome. My niece mentioned that her roommate’s boyfriend was spending another weekend with them in their dorm room; I said "let me come and bring you here instead"because yikes.
Sometimes they needed a household object. Sometimes they needed a breather. One memorable night I got a phone call from a heavily accented professor trying to tell me my person was on the way to the ER; she conveyed enough that I said “leaving now” and sure enough, they were there getting stitches; I waited, took them back to their apartment, tucked them in, checked the next day.
I say avoid “rules” and just play it by ear. Yes, sometimes they did laundry here because it was easier. Yes, sometimes I took them for groceries. My husband has jump started many a car. Once, my son and FDiL invited us for movie night at his apartment, what a great memory. Enjoy them when they are around, and enjoy their independance. Be confident, but be accessible. You’ll know if they are using home too much. And they’ll be gone soon enough –
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My oldest D went to college 40 miles from home. For her first year, she lived in the dorm and we’d talk to her fairly often and take her to dinner once a month or so. By her second year, we didn’t see her as often since she moved into an apartment. She did bring her roommates out every so often for dinner. (My H is a great cook.) She spent most of her junior year in Madrid (we did go to see her then) and by senior year, she rarely came home.
S24’s college is one hour away from us. So far, he came home during Thanksgiving, Christmas and Spring breaks. He is a busy student: engineering major, cycling club and FSAE. Most weekends are all occupied, no time for us even we visit. We are actually happy about this; he became an independent adult in a short period of time. Next year, he will rent apartment with friends, will see what happen then.
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