<p>Can we leave the politics out of this and answer this question- would you advise a pregnant 17 year old to commit to marriage? If you were the boys family would you advise the young man to agree to get married?</p>
<p>You are asking a very loaded question. What do you think?</p>
<p>No…</p>
<p>Heck no.</p>
<p>Most teenaged marriages (not all, just most) fail. 17 year olds are still children and although are old enough to procreate, are rarely old enough to parent.</p>
<p>at least 3 different threads here. And it IS about Politics.</p>
<p>No, definitely not.</p>
<p>If they were in love and wanted to consider marriage, I’d recommend that they stay together, but postpone their marriage for a year. If after a year things looked good and the committment was strong, I’d support a marriage.</p>
<p>Thinking about my own kids at 17 --geez- no!</p>
<p>Tough question to which there is no clear-cut answer. Assuming the girl in question chose to have the baby and not keep it (I dislike that expression,) I would probably offer to adopt and raise the baby. Planned or not, it would still be my grandchild and my son’s child. </p>
<p>If the girl chose to have the baby and ‘keep’ it, I would urge my son to do the right thing: to help her physically, emotionally and, when he’s earning money, financially. Until he had money I would step in with financial assistance. Again, planned expense or not, it would still be my granchild. </p>
<p>I would discuss care and obligations with the girl’s parents as well so as to assure maximum available help. </p>
<p>But I would not encourage marriage until the young people were older, more sure of their relationship and decision, and had education and skills which could support all three of them.</p>
<p>I would say “yes” to such kids if I lived in a community with a high rate of teen pregnancy and a high rate of students not finishing high school. I’d say “yes” because I’d think it was perfectly normal to be pregnant as a teen, and to be considering marriage at that age. </p>
<p>Since I don’t live in such a community, I would advise against such marriages. I would support my D in her choice, and if I had a S and his girlfriend planned to keep the baby, I’d be doing everything I could to encourage him to provide child support and parenting to his offspring.</p>
<p>Not if they don’t WANT to get married. I would, however, advise both sides to help with the upbringing as much as possible.</p>
<p>It would have to be an unusual circumstance for me to suggest to my 17 year old son that he marry. MAYBE if they had been dating for years, were reasonabley mature, think that they would eventually marry anyway and the girl were pregnant, and could count on a lot of parental support. But otherwise, I would advise him to support the girls’ decision in whatever she chose. If she chose to keep the child, I would expect him to support her both financially and emotionally and with help, but would not encourage him to marry her. </p>
<p>On the other hand, all the birth control options available to the both of them would have been discussed at length before the situation arose.</p>
<p>I’m a pro-life Democrat. However, I don’t think anyone should get married at 17. Teen-age pregnancies aren’t exactly unheard of in my extended family, but we don’t allow shot-gun weddings. Pretty much everyone says wait until after the baby is born to make decisions. </p>
<p>Several of these scenarios have worked out amazingly well, so it can be done. However, I’m very uncomfortable with the fact that the Pallins announced that the couple will marry. I don’t think any such announcement should be made now. It will make it harder for either of them to back out, should they wish to do so.</p>
<p>Additionally, it may not be PC to say so, but I would be more reluctant about allowing a 17 year old boy to marry than a 17 year old girl. In MOST cases, boys that age are less mature.</p>
<p>I absolutely would not. </p>
<p>My very good friend had a baby at 16 (just a couple months shy of her 17th birthday). She did marry the baby’s father — but not for 2 more years. They made sure that they were marrying for the right reasons. They celebrated their 30th anniversary this year. A baby is NOT a reason to get married. If the relationship weathers a year or two of parenthood, then the young people are most likely as ready to commit as they’ll ever be. </p>
<p>While I would advise against marriage in the short term, I definitely would expect my son to be there physically, emotionally, and financially for the child and the mother.</p>
<p>I realize the father has little say in what happens, but I would probably hope that the girl would give the baby up for adoption. However, it is her decision, and I would honor it without opening my big mouth.</p>
<p>In the particular case that is in the news, I wonder if the young man is being backed into a corner in a very public way. Perhaps the young woman is, as well. I can’t imagine my friend having her situation trotted out before the world while it was playing out. I just feel sad for the youngsters in so many ways.</p>
<p>They got the necessary and functioning equipment, the necessary knowledge, and the desire. Perhaps not the necessary maturity. But 3 of 4 is a good starting point. </p>
<p>BTW, choose any 3, would those traits be a reason to get hitched or not?</p>
<p>If I had a teenage daughter that wanted to carry the baby to term, I would inform her that I would not be financially supporting her and the baby and I wouldn’t be her childcare provider. I would encourage her to give the baby up for adoption.</p>
<p>I think young girls are more interested in being pregnant than in being parents.</p>
<p>This may seem brutal, but if my daughter had gotten pregnant at 17, I would have encouraged her to have an abortion.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t have had to encourage her much because that’s exactly what she would have wanted to do anyway. In the culture in which we live, becoming a parent at 17 is a disaster – whether or not you marry the other young person involved – because it pretty much precludes getting enough education to get a good job.</p>
<p>But there are other places and other cultures. Sarah Palin’s family lives in a very different world than I do. In Alaska, people with remarkably little education (especially men who are willing to do physical, outdoor work) can earn a very good living. If my daughter and I lived where the Palins do, I think we might both have had a very different attitude toward teenage pregnancy and its consequences.</p>
<p>By the way, for those of you who have kids of both genders, as I do, were you more worried about teenage pregnancy with regard to your son(s) or your daughter(s)? For me, it was much more of worry when it came to my son. In our society, girls can’t be forced to become parents. Boys can. Once a pregnancy occurs, the boy has no control over the situation. I was much more concerned that my son’s girlfriend (he had one at 17) might become pregnant than I was that my daughter might become pregnant.</p>
<p>Assuming that the girl had decided not to have an abortion…</p>
<p>The problem with not committing to marriage is the likelihood that the father would eventually simply drift away, leaving the child without a father. </p>
<p>At the same time, I really don’t think that 17 yr olds should be getting married.</p>
<p>If they actually wanted to marry, I think that I would support them in that decision for the sake of the baby, but insist that both go to college–assuming that that was where they would have been headed had the baby not arrived–and have part-time jobs. With family support, they would then have more chance of stable, successful lives in the long run, whether they remained married or not.</p>
<p>If my S impregnated a girlfriend I would SO want to get my hands on that grandchild, I admit. :)</p>
<p>I can’t help thinking about Obama’s mother who had him at 18 and interrupted her college career when she did. But how wonderfully she turned out, with a career that set the standards for microfinancing and a Ph.D. dissertation that is highly respected. Obama would not be running for POTUS if she had aborted or given him up for adoption.
Even for young women who value a college education, pregnancy needs not be a disaster. My S went to school with the children of a young woman who started out Harvard then had three children with a man who seems to have abandoned her. She took a long time finishing her degree, but she did; she was a great mother and was active in the PTA.</p>
<p>If my S impregnated a girl, I would expect–nay, demand–that he shoulder his share of the responsibility. Marrying the girl and being a father to the child would be one way; supporting the child financially until it turns 18 would definitely be expected. Girls don’t get pregnant all by themselves. I have two sons and they’ve heard this talk from me.</p>
<p>Just as an anecdote,</p>
<p>one of my very good friends at work is 18, married, and has a 1 year old. She and her husband are literally the happiest people I have ever seen in my entire life. They can’t get enough of each other.</p>
<p>That’s my little example of the fact that young marriages CAN work out quite well :)</p>
<p>I know a couple who got pregnant at 19 and 20, much to the dismay of both sets of parents–they were already engaged–married, also to the dismay of both sets of parents, and are still together 40 years and a number of children later. I can’t say that it has been a happy marriage, but something must have worked.</p>
<p>Marian, I also am more worried about my S than I am my D. I agree that the boy has no choice in the matter of what happens once the girl is pregnant, so he is at the mercy of someone else. I have raised my S to be very aware of this, and we have had several instances in our community that have illustrated my point all too well.</p>