Advisor called me a Horse!

Prep School Admissions
1

<p>I met with my advisor to give him the recommendations for the transcript/guidance counselor. He was extremely negative about me attending boarding school. He asked me if I were a horse, because he only thinks that horses should board–not kids. I was kinda surprised at his attitude, which went from bad to worse. He told me that I can get the same education at our local public high school and discounted every point I made about why I wanted to go to boarding school. I talked about the small class size versus the 40 kids in my current classes. He said that was ridiculous and if I just paid attention, I would be able to learn the same stuff I would learn at prep school</p>

<p>He made me so bad about myself–he looked at my grades and said they weren’t very good (in middle school–I’m a freshman and I’m doing much better now.) </p>

<p>Now I’m scared to apply because I feel I won’t get in and I will just embarrass myself by even trying. This is the first time the advisor even met me–he has over 500 students he advises, so I think he only meets with kids when they’re in trouble or for college counseling. He made me cry and just said “there’s tissues over there–grab one.” I guess he makes a lot of kids cry, I talked to a friend who met with him just to switch out of one class, and he made her cry too. </p>

<p>I don’t want this guy writing my recommendation because: 1. he doesn’t even know me. 2. He has an obvious prejudice against private schools, but especially boarding schools. 3. I think he might try to sabotage me.</p>

<p>He said “don’t worry, I will you a good recommendation.” but I am not sure to believe him. My parents don’t know if they should talk to him, because it might backfire. I just don’t know what to do…</p>

<p>Maybe I better go out to the pasture and graze :)</p>

2

<p>Just try.
What’s the worst that can happen?
you get rejected. Then you end up going to the “public school that is just as good anyways.”
I used to go to a public school before I applied too, and my counselor didn’t know me. Teacher recs are more important anyways, so just make sure that you are on good terms with them. And I’m sure he’ll be nice. What does he have to gain from sabotaging you?</p>

3

<p>don’t worry much abt it…he won’t sabotage u for no good reason…just ask yourself whether you have strong points to go to a boarding school…and then do what your mind tells u to do.</p>

4

<p>No harm in trying - but you have everything to gain! I believe it was mentioned on cc that a boarding school is interested in students who really want to be in the boarding school - students of strong character, who know what they want and are willing to work hard to achieve it. </p>

<p>If you feel your advisor might try to sabotage you / not write a good rec, you may want to think of how to mention this situation in one of the app essays or an interview in a way that will demonstrate your tenacity / overcoming obstacles in your desire to be in a particular boarding school.</p>

5

<p>Thanks for your kind suggestions. </p>

<p>But for the people who are reading this, please don’t think I am fat. I’m not–actually, I am pretty skinny. My sister just read this post and she said people are thinking you’re probably really fat!</p>

6

<p>ummmm, to be perfectly honest i don’t care whether you are fat or not. My advisor was not so fond of bs either “you can get a perfectly good education here”. but whatever, it’s just one part of the app.</p>

7

<p>Kitkat, if I were your mom, I’d be on the phone to the guidance counselor right away. Or perhaps even the principal. Maybe I’m over reacting but I think you are right to be angry and hurt.
But this one thing is just a small piece and should really not make a difference. The boarding schools just want a profile of the type of school you go to. They’ll know that you will have had no prior exposure to the guidance counselor.
I would, though, follow up with him to make sure he sends the transcript, etc. Or ask your parents to follow up. Good luck with your apps.</p>

8

<p>KitKatBar, I am so sorry to hear about your conversation with the advisor. He sounds very unprofessional and I can understand your concern that he might not be very positive if he writes a recommendation. Could you ask the principal or someone to write the recommendation instead?</p>

<p>Please don’t feel discouraged because of what the advisor said. As you pointed out, he obviously has a complex about people going to boarding schools. I like alpha1’s idea of writing an essay that shows your determination despite being in an environment that does not encourage you to pursue a great education. If you are a horse, you would be a beautiful and fast one that can leave the advisor behind in the dust. Good luck!</p>

9

<p>Whichever one of your parents is connected to the school…your parental advocate, if you will…that parent needs to sit down with you and identify who, at your school, would be best suited to write the recommendation.</p>

<p>Preferably someone besides this guidance counselor.</p>

<p>Have your parent contact the school and meet with you, your parent, and the person that you select. You have some flexibility here. The value of having a guidance counselor (who has met you once and made you cry) write this is nowhere near as valuable as having it written by another person who knows you much better: a school administrator, or advisor, or principal, or assistant principal, or homeroom teacher. The schools want reliable information when they read these applications. If you don’t use a guidance counselor but find another school official who is better informed (both about you AND what boarding school might offer to human boarders), you’re improving your application.</p>

<p>Get a parent actively involved and advocating for you at school. Even if you wind up back with the guidance counselor, this person is going to feel some pressure to come through if a (diplomatic but firm) parent is involved. One of the things that’s nice about parental advocacy is that things will really look up immediately. You may find that, through your parent’s eyes, the guidance counselor wasn’t as negative as you first thought. Or that the guidance counselor can be cut out of the process altogether. Or that the guidance counselor has a change in attitude and is now motivated to assist you. However your parent plays this, you will feel a big weight lifted off your shoulders once they get involved. So…let’s go. Ask your parent to step up to the plate and be a hero for you! Is that a plan?</p>

10

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<p>why…does it really matter at all?! :confused: I highly doubt it! lol.</p>

11

<p>Ok, well my parents met with my guidance counselor the other day. He said he was sorry he made me cry, but in the next breath, he said he thought I must have some deep-rooted problem and that my parents should have me talk w/ a therapist. My mom tried to explain that she thought I cried because he brought up my grades in middle school and I was sad that I hadn’t tried. He just discounted my mom’s opinion. She is right, but what really got me crying is that he started asking about my sister and brother, saying he knew they got better grades than me and did my parents compare me to them. I said yes, but actually I think I compare myself to them, not so much my parents. He then said “That must make you feel like a 2nd Class Citizen.” and that is when I started crying. I told my mom afterward that I had never felt like a 2nd class citizen until he suggested it.</p>

<p>He was completely wrong about me and my parents and I can’t understand how he could come to these conclusions about me after meeting me for only 20 minutes. He gave my mom a website for me to take the Meyers Briggs Personality test and kept insisting that I would be a Highly Introverted personality. My parents said they thought I would be more extroverted as I am really social, not shy, and if anything, I tell too much about myself, rather than keeping quiet. I am just a little quiet in class, because at my school, if you ask a question, a lot of the other kids will say “That’s a dumb question” so I’ve been a little afraid to speak out. But there is no way that I am introverted. </p>

<p>So, I took the personality test and sure enough, I am a High Extrovert. My personality type is an EFSP, which basically says:

</p>

<p>This is me to a T and this is what my mom tried to tell the advisor. He disagreed w/ her and said she better not try to influence my answers. It is so stupid, why wouldn’t my parents know me better than this guy who met with me for a total of 20 minutes?</p>

<p>He told my parents that he would write positive recommendations, but we aren’t sure to believe him. He has a definite bias against anyone leaving our school and actually said to my parents, (after they said it would be a sacrifice to send me to school-not just financially, but emotionally)," Well, maybe she will get 7 rejections."</p>

<p>My mom is wondering if my middle school guidance counselor should write the recs, but isn’t sure for 2 reasons: 1. I didn’t really try in middle school, (but he does know and like me.) and 2. She has heard “the thicker the application, the thicker the applicant” and doesn’t want to have the schools have a negative view of me. (Already my grades aren’t the best, so don’t want to raise any more red flags.)</p>

<p>So, I’m in a quandry. Time is running out. Should I believe this guy or just get someone else in addition to his comments?</p>

<p>Also, regarding the fat comment–everyone is right-no one would actually think that. It was just my sister who told me that and you know how sisters can push your buttons :)</p>

12

<p>Wow…this guy sounds like a jerk! If I were your parents, I would complain to his superiors. Maybe you can just get a recommendation from the principal or a different counselor?</p>

13

<p>Have your parents ask to see the recommendation before it is sent. They should tell him that it is because he does not know you well and that they realize he has a different view of you than others have. If he refuses, go to the principal.</p>

14

<p>During your interview, touch upon your advisors negativity but do not complain. Just hint at the fact that he was very against you leaving and make it a joke.
I agree with keylyme, as well. Complain to your principal and get this guy sacked! Don’t worry, I’m sure you are a very eligible candidate.</p>

15

<p>This is something you should just make sure your parents are on top of. Simply because they’ve raised you and both met with the counselor, I’m confident that they know how to handle this sort of situation. Talk to them and tell them you’re still concerned and uncomfortable with this guy…and that he has met you all of two times and cannot possibly be a more insightful recommender than any of about 2 dozen other possibilities connected to this school or your previous one.</p>

16

<p>If I were your mom, I would not allow this guy to write your recommendation. I would find another school official to write one. There are other things I would do like complain to his superiors… but I’m not your mom and it’s your family’s call.</p>

<p>KitKatBar, you have a very good head on your shoulders. Don’t let this guy get to you - best to have as little to do with him as possible. Keep your confidence up!</p>

17

<p>I agree with Lexima, KitKatBar. You seem like a good kid, who is trying to make positive changes in your life. Don’t let this guy destroy your dreams.</p>

<p>I think your parents need to speak with principal. The fact that he started disagreeing with your mom about your personality says a lot about him having preconceived ideas about you. </p>

<p>Good luck and keep us posted!</p>

18

<p>It doesn’t sound like this “guidance counselor” has any business writing your recommendation in the first place. </p>

<p>When goaliegirl was going through the process, she had a similar arrangement - a guidance counselor who saw kids about 30 minutes a year to go over placement for the next year for 500 kids - basically an administrator to validate the teacher’s recommendations. He wouldn’t have been able to pick my daughter out of a police lineup.</p>

<p>So when presented with this information, all of the schools we dealt with had the same recommendation - either an administrator (principal - dean) who knew you personally, or in the absence of that, another teacher whom she had spent more time with than usual. In her case it was a social studies teacher who also oversaw one of her primary ECs.</p>

<p>If this “guidance counselor” does decide to write this rec, I would definitely have your parents explain the relationship (including this recent issue) and his lack of knowledge about you to the school in a letter, asking them to disregard his comments. I’d then find another teacher/principal who does know you well and give them a form.</p>

<p>Of course, if he hasn’t already filled out the form, I’d be at his office asking for him to return it asap. Quite frankly, you don’t want his “help”.</p>

19

<p>Hey guys, just wanted to give you an update on the guidance counselor situation. My parents spoke with the principal and he was very understanding. He talked with the guidance counselor who said he was planning on writing me a positive recommendation. The advisor called me down to his office today and showed me a copy of the rec. It was very nice. Positive, but not exaggerated. He had gotten a lot of info from my teachers, so I think it wasn’t that hard to write. Thanks for everybody’s advice.</p>

20

<p>Great news!</p>