Tell me something then if you would. Why does it ignore the sanctity of a loving relationships for people to not mind if you give pleasure to others? loving my partner without being jealous when they share the joy of sex with others. Sex is a joy-it is a wonderful thing which should not been seen as defiling a relationship. I think it is perhaps the best way for people to share the joy of life with one another. Why would it demean the sex with my partner that they know others sexually? I find that this does not bother me in the slightest, quite the opposite actually; I am happy they have brought another person happiness.</p>
<p>I still think that he shouldn’t tell his ex that he slept with other people. If he’s trying to protect him from STD’s, then telling him who he slept with isn’t going to do anything. As long as he gets tested and makes sure he’s clean then there is no reason he has to tell. </p>
<p>If he does tell his ex who he slept with or that he slept with other people, then it will just make the ex jealous, untrusting, or angry. I don’t see any good coming of it. They were broken up, so he doesn’t have to answer to his ex. Some things are better left unsaid, especially if they will only cause hurt.</p>
<p>Maybe I sound like I think promiscously, but I’m just being realistic. People always think ‘honesty is the best policy’. Well, maybe it makes you feel less guilty, but what does it do to the other person? It’s true that ignorance is bliss. And since he is ‘afraid’ of his ex’s reaction, I think the best thing is not to provoke it. </p>
<p>PS if you had a bad history with your ex then all i can say is that people rarely change, and maybe they act better for a while, but once they feel secure and in control they go back to their old habits</p>
<p>I just find it a nice ideal, to be able to completely share oneself with one’s partner, singularly and exclusively. I suppose the first moment and the subsequent moments would feel more somehow more special, more intense, more intimate, and contribute more to creating a fuller relationship and union. Of course sex is joy–to consider that it is only meant for procreation and not pleasure is foolish. But, to be exceedingly promiscuous would be tantamount to cheapening the intimacy and wholesome unity of sex. Perhaps I’m overglorifying it a bit.</p>
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<p>I wasn’t speaking realistically, pragmatically. I’ve never been in a relationship myself, so I suppose I’m hopeless promoting an ideal that I know nothing about. Ah, well. I can dream.</p>
<p>And, the OP is pretty much in a no-win situation.
To tell the truth would be to hurt someone he cares about, to lie would cause him a guilty conscience.</p>
<p>But the results are foolproof only if you get tested at least 3 months after your last sexual encounter. So I’d have to wait that long, hence the preferred method of revealing one’s sexual history. I’m pretty sure I’m disease-free though since the positions I took on posed the lowest risks of any (it’s like 0.01% chance if you have sex with the person regularly without knowing their status… but the ones I did it with claim to be clean so the risks are even lower. And because they’re NU guys, I trust them pretty well).</p>
<p>yeah but even if you did tell him, you’d still have to wait 3 months to have sex with him anyway if you wanted to be 100% safe. so it doesn’t really make a difference if you tell him. telling him won’t make the risks of STDs disappear, you still have to get the tests.</p>
<p>OK it sounds like you really want to tell him anyway, then do it. The reason I thought you shouldn’t tell him was for your own peace of mind because it would help avoid a bad reaction from him. But if you really want to tell him then you should instead of worrying and feeling guilty about it. </p>
<p>When you said you were afraid to tell him I pictured that you were afraid he’d go crazy and abuse you or something. Because some guys can be insanely jealous like that. But as long as he’s not that type of person then don’t be afraid to tell him.</p>
<p>So, IF and only IF you’re serious about getting back with this dude, and you know how both you and him feel about sharing sexual history then you need to “man up” (regardless of your gender, because that doesn’t really matter) and tell him what the hell is going on. I have been in this situation with an ex whom I got back together with, and the best thing to do is tell them. If you really care about him then then lying will only make it worse. Lies lead to more lies, trust me. Just be up front about it. No bs</p>
No, he’ll more likely cry than abuse me, lol. I hope I don’t sound like I have battered man’s syndrome or something. We’re not the type to abuse each other.</p>