<p>So, we manage to get through the prom events: the tickets and limo, the hair and nails, the dress and tux, the flowers and photos. Now we come to the “after-prom” question. What are your kids doing? What will you allow and what is too much?</p>
<p>We usually hosted the after-prom and after-homecoming dance parties so that we could control what went on. We have a very large bonus room with a pool table, big TV, etc, so the kids like coming to that. I stay up all night and replace food/drinks as needed.</p>
<p>It’s my opinion that the after-prom activities can really get out of hand (drinking and sex-wise) if the kids are left to their own devices.</p>
<p>Our town does an allnighter after prom, very successful for going on 20 years. Kids are in for the night, and must be picked up by a parent at 6am next day. They have lots of great activities, food, swimming, games, class video. Keeps them safe and happy!!</p>
<p>I like mom2collegekid’s idea – this is what I did for my older son when he went to the prom. Many parents around here, however, rent hotel rooms for the promgoers. I understand the idea of not wanting your kid driving around all night party hopping or whatever, , etc… but I just can’t see renting a hotel room, at least for the promgoers. My husband actually took our younger two to a hotel the night of the prom so they could get a good night’s sleep and the prom kids could come to our house and stay up all night and not disturb them. I stay up late anyway, so I was there to chaperone, keep food supplied, and make sure no one went upstairs to one of the bedrooms.</p>
<p>We all either went out to Denny’s all dressed up or went cosmic bowling…also, all dressed up. I personally went to Denny’s and then home. It was a great time :)</p>
<p>Our high school PTA hosts an all night After Prom Party to keep the kids in a safe environment. The party is highly publicized,and it’s been a great way to raise awareness to parents. Prom night can be a dangerous night when kids are vulnerable to making poor decisions. If your’re up to it, I also like mom2collegekid’s idea to host a party at your house so you know that it will be supervised.</p>
<p>Our kids skip the sponsored after prom parties. They plan something at one of their friends homes. One destination, no house hopping. Breakfast is usually made. Ping-pong, air hockey, guitar hero, apples2apples, etc. Always adults home that check in occasionally. </p>
<p>I’m sure decisions are made for all sorts of reasons but I can’t imagine getting a hotel room for my kids. My friend was concerned about D2s dating situation. She called the hotel where the prom was being held and inquired about reservations in the young man’s last name for that night. Sure enough, he had a room reserved. She contacted his parents and let them handle it with their son. Sometimes it pays to be paranoid.</p>
<p>D’s friend’s parents hosted an all night party at their house. No problem as the parents are friends of mine and the kids were well supervised. </p>
<p>No way would I have gone for the hotel room.</p>
<p>wait, parents reserve hotel rooms for their kids?</p>
<p>isn’t it a bit awkward to be essentially told by your parents ‘go have sex’?
Hell, I would imagine it would be awkward at the time they WANT grandkids.</p>
<p>blueiguana—I wonder if the boyfriend cancelled the reservation and rebooked it in his friends name. Now that is being paranoid but also realistic.</p>
<p>I realize that a couple who are having sex are not going to be stopped…however…</p>
<p>about 7 years ago, my friend’s son took a friend to prom (the two had never even held hands before - they had always been “just pals”)…well, you guessed it, they had sex that night after drinking, and now they are sharing custody of a child. If that night had had other activities planned, the sex would not have happened. While my friend adores her grandson, she knows how hard it’s been on the young parents (who have never been a couple). </p>
<p>There’s something about prom night…</p>
<p>Parents also need to consider that their kids will be leaving for college in either 3 months or 1 year and 3 months. If they cannot trust their own kids’ judgment on prom night, do they honestly expect that everything’s going to be dandy when they drop their kids off at college?</p>
<p>Kids at my school go on what is called ‘Beach week’ in between the de facto end of school and graduation. It often consists of 5-7 days of drinking, other inebriation, and sex. I’d imagine many folks don’t do that and just spend a week at the beach with their friends. Others…well, yeah. I wouldn’t really know, since I’m spending a good part of that week on a trip up to NYC with my gf of 2.5 years (with luxurious amenities such as BoltBus, the cheapest tickets to the cheapest Broadway show we could find, staying with relatives, and what is sure to be lots and lots of public transit). But if you can’t trust your kids to not do anything they would regret on prom night or in end-of-high-school festivities, perhaps you should question how willing you are to let them go away to college. If you think that not letting your kids go away to college is absurd, perhaps worrying so much about their activities the summer before is, as well. At a certain point, you must just tell yourself that you’ve done the best job you could teaching your kids to be responsible (or, at the very least, that your 17-18 years of doing so is coming to an end), make sure your kids know what behaviour you expect of them, try to facilitate responsible decisions, and let them do their thing. I’m not saying that you need to subsidise prom-night or end-of-year debauchery (paying for your kids’ hotel room on prom? wth?), but recognise that your kids likely won’t have a curfew in precious few months.</p>
<p>My daughter’s boyfriend’s parents hosted an after party and the kids stayed until morning. They had plenty of food, and video games - No alcohol.</p>
<p>One thing is to make sure if your child goes to another home that alcohol will not be provided by parents. Every year, as a teacher, I hear about some parent hosting an after party with alcohol. This year one of our star athletes left the party still drunk and was in an car accident. Fortunately he wasn’t killed, but he was arrested for DUI and he lost some athletic scholarships to college. The party was hosted by one of my student’s moms, who apparently wants to be a buddy and not a parent. </p>
<p>After the weekend I was surprised by two things: the student was confused by why others were mad at her and her mom because it was the kids choice to drive drunk and as far as I am aware, the mother has not faced any legal ramifications.</p>
<p>We have Jr/Sr prom, so not all students are a two months from unsupervised living. This makes difference. It is reasonable to want a bit more supervision for a 16yo Jr. than a 19yo Sr. Yes, students age can range up to a 11mo+/- per grade.</p>
<p>Students that will be on their own making decisions will be on a college campus where more than likely they will not be driving. Oddly enough this comforts parents who understand that their student will have alcohol available. If they make the decision to drink they will not be driving. While they are in hs there is a far greater chance they will be driving.</p>
<p>If students want to drink underage and have sex, no amount of parental supervision is going to stop this. They will find a way. You can simply create an environment where it is far less likely. Good students make poor decisions when they are faced with the opportunity. Why give them the opportunity? As a previous poster stated, the ramifications can be far more than a hang-over and a disappointed parent.</p>
<p>We have one son who lives at home but is graduated and is almost 19. He goes to friends houses where we know they drink underage. Our son does not. We remind him of our wish that he not drink, that if anything illegal is going on, or anyone under 18 is there he should leave. We have also told him if he finds himself in a situation where he chooses to drink to call for a ride, we will not judge him. This has not happened yet. I’m sure it will at some point. We feel these are the same types of letting go that would be going on if he were away at school. Again the concern is with driving.</p>
<p>Regarding the young man who had made the hotel reservations… when the gf found out she was horrified. They were not sexually active and he had not spoken to her about this before hand. This was just a few days before prom so it appears that he had intended on ‘surprising her’. She broke it off and went to prom with friends. The boy ended up with a great deal of egg on his face and didn’t go.</p>
<p>I was thrilled that one of my son’s friend’s parents organized the whole prom evening. About 16 kids met at their house beforehand for pictures, were picked up by a limo and taken to a restaurant for dinner and then to the prom. After the prom, the limo took them out for ice-cream, then back to the friend’s house where they were invited to spend the night, boys in one room, girls “locked away” in another room, no alcohol. Many of the girls (including my son’s girlfriend) were picked up by parents and did not spend the night.
When it is time for my daughter’s prom, I think I will try to organize a similar evening.</p>
<p>My daughters both were invited to after-prom events (at homes of friends, parents very visable, no alcohol, video games, pool table, etc., lots of fun). Both decided to come home sometime before 2. They were just done with the party and ready for sleep, which wasn’t part of the plan (I understand the host’s worry here, if someone is in bed, who are they in bed with?).</p>
<p>This brings up another “talk” to have with your kids if you haven’t already. Driving exhausted is nearly as dangerous as driving drunk. It’s been a long, long day. Perhaps don’t leave a car at the “all night” house, so they have to call you for a ride?</p>
<p>Oldest daughter went to gameworks or something with her date- his parents were hosting a dinner party & picked them up after.</p>
<p>It was very fun for me too 
They had been longtime acquaintances, but I didn’t usually attend their dinner parties they had for other friends- great stories- imagine Yo yo Ma coming to visit you in the hospital.</p>
<p>Younger daughter went with a group- some of her group went on to a hotel- she and about 3 friends came back to the house where they had had dinner before prom and stayed overnight-
very innocuous- they are so cute:)</p>
<p>Our school’s PTA sponsors the all-night party after the senior ball. Its been tremendously successful over the years, and my wife and I volunteered this spring. A significant number of the seniors attended and all of the kids were well-behaved. There were several undercover police at the party and they monitored the entrance area as the kids entered (we heard they caught a couple of kids trying to sneak something in). It was reassuring to us as parents knowing our son having fun with his friends in a supervised setting.</p>
<p>I would be hesitant to sponsor a party at our own house. I would want an understanding with the other parents that they would drop off and pick up their kids all it takes is one kid driving themselves home and having alcohol in the car and I would be stuck defending myself and having to prove that drinking did not take place on our property.</p>
<p>Our school does not have an after prom. Most kids go to cabins/camping/people’s houses to party afterwards. Lots of parties involve no alcohol, but just as many do. Some kids have sex, some don’t Normally, the kids who are drinking and having sex do it pretty regularly, so it’s not like prom pushes them to do it.
I personally do not like these “after proms”. I really think seniors in high school should be allowed to let loose and have fun in the manner THEY want to. As long as they aren’t driving, odds are they won’t be hurting anyone.
If your kid is 18, odds are they have drank without your permission and slept in someone’s bed who you would probably not approve of. It doesn’t mean you parented them bad, in fact it means you parented them WELL. They are healthy, well adjusted kids and will make it in college. The kids who have never let loose are the ones who die binge drinking in college, or go beserk and get kicked out of college.</p>
<p>rocket6louise, I think you are incorrect in assuming that those who never “let loose” are the ones who die binge drinking in college. Statistically those who begin drinking at a young age are more likely to develop alcoholism and other drinking problems.
Yes many kids will drink or have sex without a parents knowledge, but there is a difference between that and parents condoning or even encouraging it.
My son had a great time at the prom and the whole evening planned by his friend’s parents. So did the other kids. I am very grateful to them. I think it’s a relief to many kids not to have the pressure of thinking they should be doing something wild on prom night.</p>