<p>I know… it</p>
<p>it’s January, too soon to all the prom madness, but it seems it is already starting. Last year it was so easy with my S, he took care of everything and he paid for it. Everything was perfect.<br>
My D turn has arrived and it gets more complicated by the minute. The class chose a very expensive place and now they noticed that the food is not included, if they don’t do a good fundraising, the tickets will be way too expensive (around $ 400 each couple or maybe more). There are a couple of kids that absolutely can’t afford it, and nobody wants to help them. I offered to contribute to give these kids a chance to have a prom like everybody else, and it was denied because it meant that the other parents also have to do something. I think it’s unfair. </p>
<p>Second problem: the after prom. They already booked up a motel on the beach without asking if the kids under 18 years old are allowed to go. I told my D that before any yes or no, I want to know where are the kids going, who is going, who will be responsible for the minors, how they will get there and for how long. Following her usual moodiness, she was yelling that everybody goes because other parents don’t do such questions when their kids go out with friends. After a deep breath, I asked her to calm down and to talk another day. Meanwhile, I called the parents of the girls I know and three of them told me that their girls weren’t allowed to go, another two said that they have to think about.<br>
I think I will have a “fun” time to come.</p>
<p>S1 absolutely refused to attend his prom. S2 nearly did not, either, but was pressured by peers to do so. Tickets were reasonably priced. After the prom, a group went to see LOTR then called parents to pick them up (around 2am). Very civilized. And everyone who wanted to attend could afford to do so, though not every one chose to.</p>
<p>The situation you describe is sad.</p>
<p>why would a school book a place that expensive? jeesh…I know the
kids picked it, but was there a vote…and our school likes dinner to be included, because the kids get there intime, less pregaming, because they show up instead of being elsewhere until 9ish</p>
<p>our school has a policy if a student can’t afford a ticket, the parents have been fundraising all year, just to be sure everyone has a chance to go</p>
<p>as for the after party thing, I would prefer having it at a house…hotel rooms, at the beach with mucho drinking… yuck</p>
<p>Oh Cressmom, what a nightmare!</p>
<p>There are many things about my kids’ high school that have bugged me through the years, but one thing that they do very well is repeated yearly events - trips, prom, graduation, etc. It is a medium sized private school with a low tuition, so the economic status of the families is like that of suburban public school in a larger city - that is, some people are wealthy, most are middle class to upper middle, and some really sacrifice to send their children to the school, even with the low tuition.
In organizing these events, the school really controls things so that the event is nice, but everyone can participate.
As for the after, the “drinkers” leave early, because the drinking at prom is now very tightly controlled, leaving the non-drinkers to shut the place down.</p>
<p>I would stand my ground Cressmom, I know the situation is different, but the only hotel suite renting I know of connected to our prom was by parents who knew their kids would drink, half-way condoned it, and only wanted to keep them off the street - some of them probably stocked the bars. There was an event scheduled after prom that most of the non-drinkers and rare drinkers attended - a party at a MacDonalds that included a mix of good door prizes and gag gifts.</p>
<p>I shouldn’t be hanging in the parent section but I saw the prom thing. I think it is INSANE that people spend so much money on prom. I think our school does about the best thing. You’d say our town is pretty upscale so there are lots of people who have lots of $$ but this is the way we do it. The prom is held in the gym for juniors and for seniors only. The juniors pick a theme and TOTALLY pimp it out for prom. You would never know it was a gym. It looks like a movie set when they are done. Freshman and sophomores can come and work it by serving drinks and cleaning tables etc.The gym gets locked during the day and the cops and parents come and search to make sure no one taped booze under the table or hid it anywhere else. People come and watch you go down the red carpet into the school. The tickets cost about $40. You get a buffet dinner. You have to have a ticket and the doors close at like 7 and you’re locked in until 11. Most kids are pretty respectful about not getting drunk before prom. They tried to get an afterprom party going but people didn’t really want it. So there is still the problem of people going to parties after and getting wasted and some parents are stupid enough to let them drink at their house.</p>
<p>I find this thread eye-opening. There is nothing like this in my town. Most of my kids have found proms boring, and NONE of them would have even considered paying $400 for a ticket. That’s insane!</p>
<p>You want insane? Check out the prom dresses!
<a href=“http://www.cache.com/cache/control/prom[/url]”>http://www.cache.com/cache/control/prom</a></p>
<p>Wow, I’ve never heard of a prom costing anything like that. Our schools control the cost (around $40) and the prom committee must stay within budget. There are no after prom parties at hotels–most if not all are at individuals homes.</p>
<p>It all starts with the parents and the inability to say NO. </p>
<p>There’s this “storybook or movie” concept some have in their heads. This is where a good slap to the back of the head would be handy. However, we’re bombarded with shows about excess for kids. We are constantly being taught to consume at any price and worry about it later, if at all.</p>
<p>How does this stop? parents, parents, parents.</p>
<p>My D has been to the prom every year since she was a freshman. The senior prom is usually held off-site at a banquet facility or hotel ballroom. The junior prom is held in the gym, and she says they do a great job of transforming the gym into something unrecognizable and glamorous. </p>
<p>I expect her prom this year is going to be a little different. First of all, she doesn’t have a boyfriend this year. D is bringing her friend T. to the prom - T. grew up in our town and went to D’s high school until last month, when her parents split up and she moved an hour away. D didn’t want T. to miss prom with all her friends, so she invited her.</p>
<p>I know the Studen Activities committee will keep costs down - the SAC at D’s school is an incredible group of kids who have been fundraising machines, and it hasn’t all come from the parents wallets, either!</p>
<p>My after prom nightmares all circle around drinking and driving, not sex! Sex is my after-prom we’ve-talked-and-talked-about-it, I-don’t-really-want-to-think-about-it, but-I-have-faith- that-D-will-make-good-choices-mare.</p>
<p>it gets worse here every year, but not as bad as the very upscale communities. I think* tickets are around 80-100 dollars. I do not think the students have any say in where it is held. Some girls spend 100-200 on the hairdo and make-up, 200-400 on a dress, and then the dread Hummer Limo rentals (ewww, didn’t happen in my family) plus the Down-the-Shore for the night or weekend rental. Kids rent near each other, thousands of teens roaming around, getting arrested, starting fights, occasionally falling off a balcony. This year it looks like 4 per room, about 50 minimum (low end) each per night, 2 or 3 night minimum. Google NJ shore prom weekend for some blogs, prices and awful tales.
We have Project Graduation here, so kids don’t go drinking and driving down the shore that night, and the focus switched to prom night.</p>
<p>you are so right Opie. Here the big thing is senior week at the beach which sounds like OldinJersey’s recount of the “shore prom weekend”. We said “No” to our kids and I actually had parents get in my face and scream that I was implying that they were “bad” parents by not letting my kid go.</p>
<p>I think our school does a very good job of keeping the cost of the actual “prom” reasonable. They don’t serve dinner; the couples go out on their own beforehand. So that opens the choices up to a wide variety of budgets. </p>
<p>The prom now has breathalyzers that the school administrators may ask anyone who attends the prom to blow in before they are admitted. A limo full of kids never made it inside last year because of this!</p>
<p>The best thing that our community does it sponsor a kick-butt after-prom. It’s held at one of the middle schools, and it goes from midnight to 5:00 a.m. It’s a huge themed carnival with a “casino”, play money, games, snacks, raffles for prizes. The place is beautifully decorated. Even if you don’t attend the prom, if you’re a junior or senior you may attend after-prom. Once you leave after-prom, you are not allowed readmittance (to discourage kids from drinking in the parking lot). The raffle prizes increase in value later in the evening (and you must be present to win if your name is drawn). The whole shebang is put on by the junior class parents.</p>
<p>Cressmom, stand your ground and don’t allow the “everyone else is going” argument to sway you. Only do what YOU feel is right. Good luck!</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Hhhmmmm, could that be a little voice of conscience inducing that reaction???
You didn’t say they were bad parents, they said it!</p>
<p>If not letting a teenager go to an after party that involves drinking and staying in a hotel room with a co-ed group means you are a bad parent then color me a bad parent! I will happily sign up to be in that group.</p>
<p>I see that I’m not alone here. I’ve been complained with this prom madness for the last months. As I say before, my S’s class had a beautiful prom in a gorgeous place, but they spent very little since they booked for Thursday instead of Friday having a 50% discount. Parents of the 2006 class shopped around catering places and flowers shops, and everybody went to the prom with the affordable price of $35 each (they worked hard since junior high in fundraisings).</p>
<p>I should tell my D that I’m not the only one who thinks the after prom get away is not a good idea. Thank you all.</p>
<p>OldinJersey, I’m from Jersey too. My S had a very nice Project Graduation, I have to be one of the chaperones from 2am to 5.30 am, and I enjoyed more than him. It’s such a good safe idea. My D is having that Project Graduation on June 21st, I didn’t sign up to be a chaperone, but some parents asked me to be there since I have a little experience.</p>
<p>Mkm56: I got used to be the “bad” parent, but since I “founded” the Bad Parents Club, many parents are saying no to their kids when things like this arise.</p>
<p>We also have Grad Night…the kids have no clue where they are going. can’t bring cell phones (so they can’t contact “friend” to show up with “goodies”, etc)</p>
<p>they LOVE it…no pressure to drink, its fun, its safe, and for kids who can’t have a graduation party, or probablly won’t be invited to one, this gives everyone a chance to hang out, have fun and say goodye…</p>
<p>as well, I am volunteering this year with the Princess Project…it is a non profit that helps girls go the prom by giving away dress, and accessories, etc…</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.princessproject.org/princess/[/url]”>http://www.princessproject.org/princess/</a></p>
<p>I know this is elsewhere as well…and its not jsut the dresses, it involves other girls groups, and programs…and often mentors bring the girls in…</p>
<p>Prom is like the last time to party and whoop it up with your friends, it should cost some money. My prom was $75 (1995) and we had an unsanctioned afterprom at the local putt-putt course, put together by one of the guys. We had some beer, but noone was that drunk, we just drank it on the way over. (times have changed a little since then) But it was a fun time, besides my prom date leaving with my buddy, but that’s a whole 'nother story.</p>
<p>Ok I’m guessing project graduation is a NJ state-wide thing? We had that as well, although it wasn’t really all that wonderful and at one point one of my friends remarked, “you know it’s bad when you go to the bathroom for lack of anything better to do”. Most of the kids that would have been inclined to go and get raving drunk either did that the following night or stayed behind and sprayed silly string all over the cars in the school parking lot. But I digress.</p>
<p>My prom tickets cost about $40 I think, my dress was around $80, hair wasn’t that expensive and we just drove there in my friend’s car. Some of the girls probably spent more to buy their puffy princess gowns they couldn’t get out of their chairs in, and I think only one group of people actually had a limo. We didn’t really get much for that $40 either, but it’s not like we expected to. We rented out an apartment at the shore for the weekend, I think there were 5 people total there. All we really did was hang out and eat junk food and watch rented movies, and we went and wandered around on the boardwalk the morning after before we left. Real terrible, wild, stereotypical prom shore weekend, there.</p>
<p>My parents very nearly did not let me go, and one of my friend’s parents didn’t let her go at all, and she just had to go home after the prom and not participate in anything. She was really upset and we all felt bad about it, but no amount of “no, we’re not going to go out and get drunk, that’s not our thing, we’re going to sit around and watch movies…no, our guy friends are not going to rape us in our sleep…no, we’re not lying” would convince them. My mother was only convinced after she talked to the one girl’s mother that was actually ok with the idea. She reminded me approximately every half hour in the week leading up to it that they would come and get me at any time if I ‘felt uncomfortable’ (as if they weren’t an hour away and I wasn’t going to have my car with me anyway). You would think all 18 year olds are inherently evil or something. Life’s not a tv show episode.</p>