<p>I can beat you on oddness dept.
I had crush on this dead samurai rebel guy from one and half century ago, whom no American would ever heard of.(but you will love him, fammom I garantteee)<br>
[Takasugi</a> Shinsaku - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia](<a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Takasugi_Shinsaku]Takasugi”>Takasugi Shinsaku - Wikipedia)
speaking of Japan,
I had a weird gathering of all Japanese expat mothers the other day and after round of mixed Sapporo, five bottles of red white pink wines and sake, I was accused on crime of “supporting adult (hello? 19 year old male college freshman?) financially”
how else could he stay in the school?
“make him pay for it!!”
It is quite a longshot to make them understand there is actually huge void in college choice world between IVY MIT CMU freeride (few of their kids do) and live at home commute CUNYs (the rest)
If it’s chuzai (staying because of their H’s job) moms or native local Japanese moms, they’d pay everything for kids. cars, suits, ski and scuba equipments, gifts going out pocketmoney for GFs (assuming all boys, as usual)
Struggling in NYC mentally financially with unstable Hs with enclosed Japanese home culture, aging dying own parents they left behind, ever so rapid English speaking kids they can no longer follow, made these moms so crusty.
Can’t blame wanting to drink to vent.
What sad is that I am becoming one as I get older and started to find some comfort in their company.
Without few thoughtful understanding kind souls here in real life and/or CC, I don’t have a place to talk other nonsense they would never understand. so I thank you.</p>
<p>Bears, your posts are always so intriguing! I’m glad you post here so often.</p>
<p>Am I understanding this right? That your guests frown upon you paying for your son’s education, but they fund all of the luxuries for their kids? I don’t think it’s unusual at all to help pay or fully fund our kids’ education, but there are sacrifices we make in order to do so…not a lot of extras in the way of clothes, vacations, etc.!</p>
<p>Bears,</p>
<p>I thank you too.</p>
<p>Fam- last night I texted S and asked him to name three people he admired tremendously. I said not personal people. He answered John Fahey (blues musician) Tom Waits, and Borges. I was hoping for a woman, and figured at least Carson Mccullers stood a chance of getting on the list.</p>
<p>hi colcon
maybe I didn’t explain it enuff.
Japanese parents in Japan with kids going to Japanese colleges, usually they’d pay expense, let them live in their house, or send money for apartment, pay for cars, etc. because whatever the resources, they are able to do so.
There are two different kind of moms in NYC
chuzai (staying for the moment) moms are here because of their H’s hi profile hi paying job (them)
but
we are here by our own choice, more likely misfit to Japan, overly adventurous, dramatic, whatever, ended up raising kids here.
Now if kids’ dad is also Japanese, funny thing is, they pretty much raise their kids as if they are still in Japan. and if moms work (some don’t) quite often work at Japanese jobs and have only Japanese friends, it sort of beat the purpose of why they are here in the first place. I don’t know, being mom does funny thing to our psych.
If your kid is multicultural, whole different cans of worms are opened (me)
long story short, that gathering (hahaha no, I wasn’t a hostess, I more or less crashed in their party) was mainly by Japanese-Japanese moms who has NO idea what people on CC are talking about or CC is for, let alone regular American middle class values at all.
and most of them are living on paycheck to paycheck, so no vacation besides going back Japan to nurse their parents.
is it depressing? I think it is, I quit now.</p>
<p>D1, when I asked her FAMMoM’s question, alternately moaned and groaned and couldn’t come up with any sort of answer. She said she admired different people at different times for different things but then couldn’t name one. Finally she said ‘why do you want to know?’ and I said ‘its a mom thing’… then she said “I admire you” and I said “but I don’t count – but thank you for saying that”…but you know, if I ask manga girl, who is so VERY opinionated, I’m sure she’ll have lots to say about the matter.</p>
<p>D1 met this 22 year old boy from her hospital program at the local diner on Saturday and then met him at the Hudson Valley Contemporary Art Museum in Peekskill yesterday. I am trying very very VERY hard to not be concerned. I am so torn between wanting her to get outside of the house and live LIFE, but then this young man must have issues too – and I understand that in group sessions you could come to know someone quite well – but the Mom inside of me is cringing just the same — she is so vulnerable and I know nothing about this person. You’d think I already had enough to worry about without adding this to the stack. I guess I just have to keep having Faith in God and that everything will work out as long as I keep bouncing. So I’ll take a deep breath and keep on bouncing.</p>
<p>Hi Bears, Thanks for clarifying! Yes, it would be sad to leave everyone behind and at the same time have no desire to mingle. Maybe they are afraid that to do so would make them feel less connected to “home”. Would you say there is a big clash between Japanese and American values? If so, do their children who grow up here and attend school from an early age become somewhat alien to them? I can imagine the whole experience would be mystifying to someone who feels so displaced. I’m glad you are not one of them!</p>
<p>So keep the “most admired” at 17 going? Gmom–of course D1 is right that it changes a lot especially when we are young but what is nice about the young is that they see the world so black and white. It also can be embarrassing to openly admire someone especially nowadays because inevitably they totally implode and reveal themselves for the weak creatures that all human beings are …don’t get me started on John Edwards’ fall from grace …just when I thought we had another good southerner…sigh.</p>
<p>BandG…it sounds so familiar…really in a sort of Japanese/british way. It reminds me of going to the british ex-pat community “teas” in Quito where I just didn’t fit in. Since my kids were in the british school and I had british citizenship but not the accent, I was invited to a number of these …so many women dragged around the world by their husband’s job and almost all professed a love for “learning about new cultures” but actually spent their whole time trying not to ‘turn native.’ They would learn a smattering of the local language to deal with maids but prefered francaphone countries because they all had learned french at their private schools in the UK. I was viewed with horror because 1) I had a yank accent 2) I worked 3) I worked with/for locals and 4) I grew up in US/UK state schools! Worse, I was a clear anti-monarchist who drank strong black tea with milk!?! so working class…so clearly labor and not conservative in my politics… the men, in general, were more open minded because they had actually had to interact with locals but some of the wives only socialized with one another. </p>
<p>They were more intent on being English than any english person back in the home country. The class-ridden snobbery was incredible. I remember when a new British Consul arrived and his wife had an accent from the lowest class-northern region and all the other hens weren’t sure how to deal with her because she was an even odder duck than me. ON the one hand it was immensely comforting to have a chance to speak English, eat familiar food, and have my children interact in English with other children so I went to a few of these events and even a baby play group…on the other hand, I felt like an alien amongst my own. I never became super close to any of that crowd except one expat who has lived and worked in Ecuador for years and has Ecuadorean husband…we have plotted for 15 years to have her D and my S marry and create beautiful bilingual children. So far they remain friends through facebook (girl is in uni in England) but we are crafting a plan to get them together in the next year or so…</p>
<p>Gmom I am excited!! sorry but of all places they went to art museum (dance)
did he come and pick her up or she went to pick him up? how else did they get there?</p>
<p>switters Carson McCullers was really cute. I adore her even she was bit of the bit*ch ( or so other people said) lil swits must love her for her works, yes? I have not yet read any other her book but the first one, so I should keep my mouth shut.
for women, my kid did and still adore Nina Simone, that’s about I know.
<a href=“nina simone - my baby just cares for me - YouTube”>nina simone - my baby just cares for me - YouTube;
she got many other nice videos but ^ that’s my pick heheheh
for men, list is long and winding. 16-17 was really rapid growth chameleon mental physical intellectual rock’n roll era. I guess that’s for everyone? maybe girls have it bit sooner.</p>
<p>oh
I missed following loveblue and G’s posts
lemme see
so parents would often co-sign the lease without seeing the place?
and ultimately responsible for whatever the mayhem them boys (sigh) are going to cause?
I mean, we do that in Japan. I lived like that when I was his age. But But But But
… I guess this is what my friends tell me about “letting him go” “get life” etc</p>
<p>colcon
it all depends
how parents meet, where. what do they do for living, which community they chose to live, what kids themselves look like, how tall they are at certain age (this is very important for boys) how cute in certain way (VERY important for girls)
we have been lucky, I searched schools where he will fit in and I smelled out kingpin/queenbee parents quick and attached myself to them/their kids. It was OK he was mere soldier bee (and he was good at it) as long as he was included and accepted, I can take cues and pretty much understood what I should and I should not do if I wanted my kid to stay safe and happy.
Is it depressing? it is. But it taught me so many other things otherwise I did not know.</p>
<p>communication wise,
even in Japanese-Japanese household, kids would start answering parents in English that was asked in Japanese. Some parents insist speak Japanese only and/or send them to Saturday school to preserve “bilingual-ness” but it usually backfires.
Often enuff non academic/professional class parents would not read written English for pleasure, chose to watch Japanese TV and their vocabulary is limited. Around 4-5th grade-sh, kids would not tell their parents complicated stuff in English anymore.
At the same time, kids would either quit Saturday school or stop their effort to accommodate parents and their Japanese would never be good enough to communicate delicate issues with their parents.
Don’t get me wrong, you can live very happily and they often do.
Kids are usually well behaved, hi achieving, good at running or playing fiddle. But, if you know what I mean.</p>
<p>I don’t quite know how to go about it. I can’t go back to not knowing and be simply happy.
I won’t ever “look” like what my marital last name suggests, to totally blend in.
I am who I am and too old to start anew. I will just be me, warts and all.</p>
<p>where is everyone?
Am I dampened the thread?(again)
helloooo smarty where are you my dampin’ buddy?</p>
<p>changing subject,
came email forward of subject as “Greyhound ticket itinerary” with official looking number following
I was
1.stunned for the moment and 2.overjoyed, then 3.worried, then 4.accepted whatever it was done. and opened the mail.</p>
<p>I have asked my kid what the schedule is like before winter break (when is the last class, meeting etc, could he leave the day before or after…)
no reply. The plane tickets price creeps up, jumps up, in matter of days.
I bent and bought returning ticket that dorm reopening day is set in stone, and tell him to figure it out how to get home or else. I did suggested bus trip of whole 3day plus, as last resort and still the cheapest option meals included, saying your dear mother have done it, why shouldn’t you?</p>
<p>I was
- stunned because he actually did go for it
- overjoyed for his independence and willingness to pay out of his own pocket.
- worried for he must done bought one for wrong day/time/destination
- accepted because what done is done, and GH ticket can be used in somewhat long term</p>
<p>Well
it wasn’t it, It was to go up to his T.day host/friend’s home. Then date is like, this weekend.
I was assuming the school will be closed but dorm stays open, he’d hang out til T.day and hop on the bus or this friend would come and get him.
This makes one, two, three, more than five days stay with host family? fed and bedded?
I have done to some kids but I knew their parents enuff or if I didn’t it was only for few days.
Is this OK?
he did say he was welcomed for entire break and will do dishes and take out trash, but I took it as social grace from the parents.
Now should I say something to my kid, or this is how America works?
if someone say OK, is OK?
Jaffa cakes are on its way. Now I know that it barely make it there in time, for I was assuming he’d leave following mid week.
It is never gonna enuff for this friend and his family’s generosity. I know the word “generosity” means give freely expecting no favor returned.
But in real life, it is given that I should be able to do the same to this friend’s family somehow some day? (fat chance now, for very long time, for me)
any input on this?</p>
<p>nonetheless I am so very thankful to this unseen family.
America! the generous!
thank you thank you.</p>
<p>Hi bears the host family sounds very nice. But it is probably no big deal for them. Some families just assume lots of teenagers will be around. Last spring break we ended up being the family closest to the camping area the the kids decided to go to. So we ended up being kind of home base. Not one single parent contacted us or sent gifts. It wouldn’t have occurred to me to expect it. It was a little funny to see how disorganized the trip was.</p>
<p>I can’t remember the lineup of the camp trip besides lil swits and GF. are they all local kids who know you or hodge podge college friends traveled to your place?
that might make difference.
and I have to always remember that I am the weird one.
well
let him be, let it go, YES YES
he will learn alot more from staying with strangers, more siblings, more drama the better.
grandma grandpa big plus.</p>
<p>Bears, for the most part, I think America really does work that way… We have hosted strangers in our home several times --some long term, like our Belgian exchange student, others for shorter term – weekend or something like that. For instance a traveling International Singing Group “Up With People” once came to our town in CA and I got a call from our family doctor saying there was a person with celiac disease in the group and could we host her for a few days… not a big deal to us. Though my house is generally much messier these days since I’m working and teenagers seem less inclined to pitch in than tweens or littler kids. Go figure. But still if somebody called me and asked if I could host somebody, I would consider it. This year at the girl’s HS they have twenty or so Chinese exchange students. They were desperately looking for host families. I considered it…but I think our lifestyle is pretty far from ‘ordinary’ and the whole gluten free thing would be hard on them. It’s one thing to take a celiac student, quite another to have to worry about feeding a glutenizer and friends. I would have taken one if nobody else came forward, but in the end they found enough families. Now, with the drama going on with D1 and Aspie girl, I don’t think we’d be a good long-term host family. But I don’t have a problem with a short term guest.</p>
<p>Bears local kids stayed at their own local house. One or two (gf and one other) stayed w us. I’m not saying these kids just showed up. I knew that at least a couple would end up at our house. Your s is charming right? It will be fine. But long distance stuff can be weird. I know that I feed everyone who stays because I like to sit at a table w bunches of folks and we are a small family, but different families are more casual. Also, when gf comes there is kind of an understanding that I will treat her like one of my kids, but for random couch squatters I am less maternal because I don’t want tough boys to know how much I baby baby Switters. Since this is a holiday, I think it’s great that you sent a gift.</p>
<p>Hi Bears! I would not worry. I believe most Americans would tell their kid whether or not it was ok to have someone stay that long and that they are looking forward to having your child there! Like Gmom, we have always opened our home up as have our friends. We also hosted a Belgian exchange student and others and have also had kids stay with us while a placement was being worked for them. I would LOVE it if dd brought home kids, and we may take a friend of hers with us to Costa Rica, as long as the parents pay the air and some other expenses. Rest assured, your son will have a nice time and will miss you too, I think!</p>
<p>thanx all
phew…
only that, Jaffa Cakes are still in the back of UPS truck somewhere on the road in 2-3 miles vicinity of its destination…
calm down, time differences, we still got tomorrow morning.
let’s believe in
What Can Brown Do for You? …not much, til its estimated delivery (NOW!!) is met.</p>
<p>from wikipedia
there is, of course very good reason for that turd brown color of their trucks and uniforms (even socks and belt!!)
– The brown color that UPS uses on its vehicles and uniforms is called Pullman Brown. The color is also mentioned in their former advertising slogan: “What can Brown do for you?”[13] Originally founder James E. Casey wanted the trucks to be yellow, but one of his partners, Charlie Soderstrom stated they would be impossible to keep clean, and that Pullman railroad cars were brown for just that reason.</p>
<p>philly mom!! how you been? (philly dance)
what is about this popularity of Belgian exchange deal? Tintin sentiment, waffles or chocolates…
What Can Belgium Do for You?</p>
<p>delivered!! received!! (around 11PM here in EST)
Brown can do good for you!!</p>
<p>now please don’t forget to pack 'em in the bag!?!?!?!?</p>
<p>Smarty checking in…
I’m here Bears, I’ve been catching up on the happenings as can, very busy right now but I do sneak a peek now and then. Bears, he’ll be fine, I’m sure they’re going to find him fascinatin’ a NY kid, and from what it sounds like he’ll be charming. Don’t worry and like everyone else says, yes, this is a common practice. In fact my sis actually put up half her town over the years or rather the kids in her town. It’s always funny visiting because three or four hulking adult men will show up at the door hugging her and calling her mom because they stayed for a week or a month or a year when they needed help as teenagers. But unlike me my sister happens to be a saint. Are the missing him feelings getting easier? Hope so . . . I loved the story of getting together with the Japanese moms but I was somewhat perplexed that they were advising you to let go when you and I both know that Japanese moms still do laundry for 40 year old married sons if they can get away with it LOL 
Have to get back to work but will try and check in more often. Snow in the mountains this morning everyone!</p>
<p>So how is baby switts feeling? The back? How are all the rest of the launchees doing? I consider this semester an unqualified success so far…no visits to the emergency room! huzzah! and relatively frequent phone calls home! Huzzah twice! Grades are iffy but not hopeless!! Triple huzzah!! </p>
<p>BandD If someone sent me jaffa cakes I may keep their kid every holiday! Any kid who helps out with dishes and garbage can move in in lieu of D who has become “so busy with homework” that she is not doing basic chores or only under extreme nagging pressure. '</p>
<p>BandD most americans suffering from empty next syndrome absolutely welcome the chance to baby other kids. The downside is not having some alone time with my own kid. If I could ask anything of my son’s guests I would ask them to find one morning/afternoon to say they need to “study” so that my S can spend some just a couple of hours alone with his dad or sister. You may ask your son to be sensitive to this if he is staying for a few days. </p>
<p>S has told me he is bringing a friend for thanksgiving so I have to reuse his southwest air ticket for xmas which is actually pretty easy. He and friend have found a ride with someone local to DC area. I believe the invited kid is from China. The dorms at CMU stay open and they even have a thanksgiving meal at one cafeteria because there are so many out of state and foreign kids who stay. Still, it is very common for kids–local and not so local–to take other students home with them. S spent easter sunday with 6 other kids at local pitt kid home…that is a LOT of ham for host family to provide for guests. S took flowers. To me it is just normal to have extra visitors especially for Thanksgiving and Xmas since that is a big part of the tradition. We never eat on T-D alone but get together for potluck with all the other friends who stay in DC for the holiday. I have been making mashed potatoes for 20-30 people for 15 years each T-Day. My parents are coming here this time so they become part of this large group and my mother makes a ham to share. I did mention that the extra student will be coming but it isn’t even weird to bring last minute extra guests…in fact, Chinese kid will be expected to participate fully in our traditions–chaotic meal with a huge number of people speaking spanish and english in a mix, football/soccer games and then all 30 or so of us go to the movie theatre in the evening. I rarely remember a xmas dinner with just family…my mother usually invited one or more of my father’s foreign grad students and adapted xmas dinner to suit dietary restrictions. She would even go to the extreme of making xmas pudding with vegetable shortening instead of animal fat. Poor students having to eat that pretty intimidating english pudding…it sits like a stone inside you after a large dinner.</p>
<p>oohhwwww Christmas puddings!!
so I have a story to tell
couple years ago we were at friend’s and she have kept old powdered custard mix that her old (I mean OLD) Brit BF left in her old (old)kitchen. Now she is happily married for long time (I mean LONG)
recently found the box by accident and thought about cooking up that ancient mix. (there is no expiration date on it and ingredients are bit suspicious but not sounded anything toxic… after all it’s made in UK!?)</p>
<p>They happened to had a guest from London staying with them and she brought THE “pudding” from Harrods.
We added milk and whatnot and cooked up the custard that was supposedly go with THE pudding (warmed up in the pot thing that came in).
Anticipation was sky hi, pudding (brown smelly hunk) was served with custard (yellow creamy gunk)
I liked it for what it was, being big fun of “Brambly Hedge” books.
<a href=“http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_RUN1Oej6TO8/TRlPLhmhesI/AAAAAAAAFqg/bsx-9NlT_TI/s1600/sc00625ca7.jpg[/url]”>http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_RUN1Oej6TO8/TRlPLhmhesI/AAAAAAAAFqg/bsx-9NlT_TI/s1600/sc00625ca7.jpg</a>
when asked if anyone wants second, my kid said
“eh, can I have that pudding only, not that brown thing?”
“honey, you mean you want custard, not the pudding?”
“???”</p>
![http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_RUN1Oej6TO8/TRlPLhmhesI/AAAAAAAAFqg/bsx-9NlT_TI/s1600/sc00625ca7.jpg[/url]](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_RUN1Oej6TO8/TRlPLhmhesI/AAAAAAAAFqg/bsx-9NlT_TI/s1600/sc00625ca7.jpg%5B/url%5D){kind=link}
<p>He is on route due arriving in hour or so.
luck has it, he called in just in time for me to tell fammom’s advice for “alone time” sensibility.</p>