After the launch

College Majors Visual Arts and Film Majors
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<p>Hey Switters – glad you got your S off ok! Yes the sitting on your hands part is hard, but since I was upset with her when we left it wasn’t too hard for me. Now I’m having dreams about her. Harrumph. In my dreams she hasn’t changed her childish ways. I’m still pleading with her to ‘grow up’. </p>

<p>Has your S lived in a big city before? City living was one of the things that turned my kid off from Parsons and SVA and Cooper (though if she had gotten into Cooper, we would have really pushed for her to actually go there). The campus at MICA is in a somewhat more residential area – though certainly not the suburbs by any means. I have never lived ‘in’ a big city before like Bears does. I go to visit and then am quite happy to return to suburbia. On the other hand I wonder what it must be like. At my job there were a lot of people who relocated to NY from Boulder and decided to try living in the City. They all love it. At least for now (and it’s only been a couple of months).</p>

<p>I’m glad that your S was cool with you telling him you need to talk to him every couple of days. My D is so prickly… best to give her her space.</p>

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<p>G-mom, so glad to see you finally had some contact with your D and sounds like it was positive. Course load sounds heavy. Last night my DIL was asking would my D like Cuddle Duds, and so I texted her (we text back and forth all the time, so it was no big deal). After a few texts, told her to go online and check them out, and she said “I don’t have time to be looking on the Internet, I have a s***load of homework to do.” So it was a OK, TTYL text and I told the DIL to go ahead. H’s co-worker wears them under her scrubs because they keep the hospitals so cold. Being from Florida, D has no idea what cold really is, and she’ll thank both of us!</p>

<p>Switters- D didn’t like SAIC for same reason, wasn’t sure about the city life. I, on the otherhand, would LOVE to live in downtown Chicago, but then agin, I am a Chicago native. Told D if we relocate for his job (he’s currently looking for a nuclear medicine tech/ CT /X-ray position at a big hospital) I want a city!</p>

<p>D had her first taste of party life. College was having Black and White Ball, and some kids, including 2 of her roommates were going to a pre-ball party at someone’s house. She was going to go until it turned out there were already 2 kids over the seat limit in the car and she heard one roommate say “I’d like vodka”. Roommate told her there’d be drinking and she probably wouldn’t have much fun anyway, and D agreed and decided to stay home, and just go to Ball. Other roommate (who wasn’t even considered for the pre-party invitation) cooked her a traditional Chinese dish using duck and quail eggs that D had bought on her shopping foray to the ethnic grocers that afternoon. Then D and roommate went to Ball. One of the other 2 roommates showed up 1 hr before the dance ended and the other never made it there. Left a note on the shower curtain apologizing for “mess in shower”. Apparently she started not feeling well at the party, between the booze, food and dancing they had there, and was praying to porcelain god. D was VERY glad she stayed home! She and C roommate are becoming good friends and today is throwing her a birthday party, 1/2 traditional Chinese, 1/2 traditional American.</p>

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<p>G-mom…so glad the advice was helpful…I may print it out myself and put it in front of me at dinner time. Advice is easy to give, hard to follow. We had a bit of a blowup this evening (I said “no” to a sleepover at the bahamanian vacation family’s house–enough already!). It sounds like your daughter wanted to boast and reassure you that she is managing…I love the five minutes early story…you should be so proud. Yeah…sharing the food can eventually become your burden but for now it is bonding for her and roomates (see note below to redbug) and also they wont see her dietary restriction as equivalent to her not being able to share with them or hang out with them. My S was terrified at first that his gluten allergic friend would be poisoned at our house or when they went to a restaurant…made him nervous until he saw she could handle it fine.
Very important achievement and your meatballs get all the credit! </p>

<p>Interesting follow-on to difficult daughter issue, my D has been much more receptive, appreciative and good company recently…the collateral damage from the bahamanian vacation seems to be wearing off also I have suddenly been elevated in status… I am suddenly an attractive parent–not because I am rich, cool pilates instructor, wonder cook like other mom–but I am a great math tutor! as algebra II warm up packet is due on Tuesday, I am suddenly a good mom, a desirable mom, and the mom with by far the best math skills. I am sought by D and her friends…they come for brownies and a quick overview of graphing parabolas and what the hell to do with those pesky absolute value signs… They remember they love us when they need us.</p>

<p>Switters…you summed it up nicely…even though I still have one left at home, the me that I am with my son is unique and the launch really meant that that part of me is gone or at least is in forced hibernation during the semester…I must say I thought I had gotten through launch easy (no tears, some friendly communication if not a lot, etc) but about 3 weeks in I had a real tough day or two. You are lucky that your S is so understanding and happy to have you communicate. I think I will try more texts or calls when I feel the need rather than keeping to a schedule.</p>

<p>Redbug…congrats to your daughter for getting to know chinese roomate better…I was forced into an apartment with a born-again christian Thai girl and I thought we would have NOTHING in common. We both made an effort to be open minded and cooking together was where we initially found common ground as well as differences…big debates over using sherry in cooking…I had issues with chicken livers…we are still writing emails and sharing recipes 25 years later. I think the furniture moving story is really cute and may be an interesting way for kids to reach out to others in their dorms or apartments. Too bad about the barf in the shower but all part of the college experience…</p>

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<p>fammom- we’re having a similar experience with our younger D. She spent a week with a friend at the beach this summer, including the friend’s parents, grandparents, aunt and uncle, couple of cousins and friends, and came home saying things like, “why can’t I be a part of their family and not ours”? “Why do they do such fun things and we don’t”, etc, etc. She even said this in front of HER grandmother (who instantly challenged her to a game of Rummikub). I think a lot of it, maybe all of it, for her is that she doesn’t want to be alone after her sisters leave. She keeps saying she doesn’t want to be the “lonely child”. We went on our usual family vacation/beach trip at the end of August and she was just dreading being the only kid there (the preschool cousins don’t count…). We had fun and all, but ended up sending her home early on the train so she could spend a few more days with this friend. They don’t normally get to see much of each other during the school year. She’s not back yet and will be hit with a messy house, last minute school preparations, and having to wake up early again. Plus lots of unpacking. I expect a lot more whining! </p>

<p>Gmom- I’m so glad for your good news! So she pushed you away, made sure it would be as difficult as possible to contact her, and acted generally snarly, and it was all a test to see if you would contact her! Human psychology is a wonderful thing. And eating and sharing so much of your home cooked food is quite eloquent too. I’m so happy things are resolved amicably for now.</p>

<p>We went to MICA today to bring D2 some more things. She had sent many e-mails while we were away that totaled about 3 pages of stuff to bring! “She’s freaking out!”, said H and I think he’s correct. She’s well set now and swamped with work but having a difficult adjustment emotionally. She misses old friends and hasn’t connected well with any new ones. I say the usual things but it just takes time. She gets along with her roommates but 2 of them are smoking pot much of the time and the 3rd isn’t there much and prefers to socialize with her Korean friends. Oy. She found a job for a few hours a week at a nearby restaurant and finds that is a nice break from MICA things. I know she’ll be all right but it’s hard to witness the pain.</p>

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<p>So the kid calls home again today. I wrote her a long email several days ago and texted her once earlier in the week, so it was a pleasant surprise. Of course she ‘has’ to call us once a week per our agreement.
I have a sneaking suspicion that she mostly stays in her room and goes to class, though she did venture out shopping (for still more art supplies!) on the weekend. I asked her if she was making friends other than her room mates and she said ‘of course’ but when I asked her what their names were, she suddenly couldn’t name one. Very suspicious, if you ask me. Plus she’s only been to the Meyerhoff twice, which makes me concerned that she isn’t eating properly. While it’s true that she’s well stocked with home made goodies, we had always intended that she eat a main meal in the dining hall, so long as they could actually make it gluten free. The Mom in me took over and I had to remind her that if she doesn’t eat properly she will get run down and get sick and then fall behind and/or not have enough energy to tackle her big work load. Naturally, she tells me she knows I’m right (though she’s said that in the past and it hasn’t changed the behavior). She told me she tested out of the academic writing class and that she likes her drawing class and is not so thrilled with the critical inquiry class.
After speaking for a few minutes, she says “Mom, I have to tell you something…” “uh oh”, I think to myself. I must have muttered it out loud. So she goes into high alert mode, “what do you mean by that?” she says. I tell her that when the kid that’s away at college for the first time calls and says “Mom, I have to tell you something…” that it can’t be good. “Oh.” she says. So I tell her to cough it up. She says “well, remember we negotiated in our agreement that I can have one additional piercing…” I guess she didn’t waste any time with that one. She said that when they were in the neighborhood of the Utrecht store there was a tatoo parlor and she and her roomies went in ‘to check it out’ and since the opportunity ‘presented itself’ she went ahead and got her lip pierced. Never one to be able to hide my true feelings about whatever is going on, she knows immediately that I am NOT happy (but I didn’t yell or scream or say that she shouldn’t have done that). “So you’re not happy about this” she says. “No, I’m not happy” I reply. Then I went on to tell her that the agreement was that she could have ONE additional piercing (she has her ears pierced) and that she was 18 and could make these decisions on her own and that I don’t have to be happy about it. So she says “well, you’re disappointed in me” Well, disappointed isn’t exactly the right descriptor either. I try again. “You have the right to do what you want now that you’re 18. You don’t need to have my approval. I don’t agree with what you did, but you have the right to do it. I accept that you did this. I still love you. I agreed to one piercing. You got it. I’m not happy about it, but that’s my problem”. “Oh.” she says. She continues to try to gain my approval for her action and doesn’t seem to understand that I don’t have to approve it but it doesn’t mean what she did was wrong or horrible or anything like that. She has to accept that I can allow her to do things I don’t agree with, and I can tell her that I don’t agree with it, but ultimately it’s her choice, her life, her consequences. I did succumb and remind her that if she got tatoos or any MORE piercings, that that would result in a withdrawl of our support and she really should think very carefully about this because we intend to stick to the agreement and will not put up with her flagrant disregard of its terms.
At least it was a very independent action for her to do, though I’m not sure what role the roomies played in how this went down.
She also agreed that I would be able to speak to her therapist (or rather that her therapist can speak to me, should the occasion arise).
So we’re continuing down this bumpy road. Our neighbor’s daughter calls her Mom twice a day and texts her constantly and I’m jealous of that. But I guess I can be grateful that she’s making an attempt to stretch her wings and I’m making an attempt to cut the apron strings and that somehow, together, we’ll make this all work out.
Thanks again to all of YOU for your support. It means a lot to me.</p>

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<p>how long does it takes to get lip hole safely seasoned?
got make your meatballs smaller, less chewing required.
one-bite meatballs yet speak louder than ever!!!</p>

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<p>Ok, I am late jumping onto this thread but really happy to have found it.
FAMmom/Gmom, if there is anything I have learned after having gone through one launch (last year) is that we feel so helpless and are just so much more agitated by the physical distance. For three weeks after moving into the dorm D1 wasn’t answering emails or pings or texts. While I seethed quietly (it’s astounding how many bad feelings this kind of disconnect stirs up!) H was more verbally expressive. He was angry and while we didn’t dare say it out loud we certainly felt our DD had grown insensitive and ungrateful as well as emotionally distant. And yes, we felt like pulling the plug and I don’t just mean her cell phone :wink: </p>

<p>Then suddenly, right around October last year, D1 initiated contact and we were completely bowled over by the transformation. Not only was it her idea to call us, she had become more thoughtful and affectionate. I dare say she actually missed us, and the validation (“I appreciate you, Mom and Dad”, not that she said those very words, haha) was sweet. In the months that followed, contact was much more regular. </p>

<p>So my advice is to be open to whatever contact patterns or routines happen to form. Our kids will contact us as and when; and the parent-child relationship develops into something new and fulfilling in interesting new ways. I try to remind myself that these aren’t high schoolers anymore but young adults. Gasp. I’m still trying to wrap my head around that one - speaking to them like I would really good girl friends rather than teenagers I can still order around. </p>

<p>Secondly, I learned that no two kids are alike, even two that grew up in the same household! We launched D2 just a few weeks ago, although she delayed sleeping in her dorm room until the last possible minute. I was elated, of course. She is at SAIC and since the drop off, the contact has been nonstop. She was texting me on her way to her first class, texting me her first impressions, and has been messaging me almost daily. When I launched D1, I was a sobbing, blubbering mess; it was like I’d been hit in the gut with a wrecking ball. When I launched D2 I was slightly more prepared…did not cry until D2 hugged me super tight (clung, more like) in the lobby of her dorm…I pulled away and she was crying like a little girl. Broke my heart as I realized how frightened she must have been, and that maybe I missed some signals :frowning: She is the more emotional of my two kids (hello, art student) and had shared with me her concerns over making friends and not getting along with her roomies. </p>

<p>D1 is so intensely immersed that we have hardly heard from her so far. </p>

<p>New challenge: Hubby wants a Skype session but neither D1 or D2 has complied. I feel bad because he feels left out as he knows both girls communicate with me more or less regularly. I feel bad too because from their FB pages I know they are skyping with friends they left behind. </p>

<p>Any advice as to how to involve the “odd man out”?</p>

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<p>greenwitch, I hear you…it’s difficult for me to see D struggle a bit with the social aspect. I’ve heard her complain that too many kids are seemingly breaking away in clusters to go smoke pot. What I’ve told her is that she can use the “adjustment” time to focus hard on her classes and that she’ll make friends in time…does anyone NOT make friends in college?</p>

<p>Thankfully D has a close friend attending college at UIC, just 20 minutes away, so she does have support. They hang out on weekends but I really, really hope that D is also able to connect with the “right” kids at her school, and soon.</p>

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<p>Glad to find this thread!
We send D to Cooper and leave there last Friday. Feel like it is hard to find out how everything going with her through text or phone call. Phone call is often but short. I don’t worry about her study part, but concern about her social side of life. She is good to keep her small group of friend but hard to make new friends. I did ask her what kind of club or activities she tried and looks like she didn’t get in any. She did joined YMCA in China town Manhattan and went to Cooper’s Christian meeting.
Feel hard to talk to her through phone, want to know everything but … My mistake in the past is trying to involve in her life too much and now she is a little sensitive on me want to “help” …
It is very hard to live without her around.</p>

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<p>Bears and Dogs:
Is YMCA in China town Manhattan a safe area? It is along Bowery pass E Houston Street. In case you know that area. Thanks!</p>

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<p>loveblue! how you been?
YMCA- there are two but one on the Bowery is not really in Chinatown per se but named so to attract locals and not come off pretentious. It’s upstairs from Wholefoods, I mean, that is now prime moneyed area.
should not take more than 10-15 min walk from Cooper. I never been to inside of YMCA but Wholefoods there is gorgeous ( see my Cooper graphic design - I mean, food thread page 7 post# 101 )</p>

<p>well, if she could be grouped for foundation with little switters and they’d start dating, all issues are solved (not?) you mom two can swap news without ever telling your own kid what you heard about each other’s kid, heheh. I hear they are friends from Wash U scholarship thing, could happen ( drama! drama!)</p>

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<p>bears and dogs:
Thanks! I will remind her not go to YMCA late in the evening.
You are so humor … I wish they can be friend.</p>

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<p>No, it is totally utterly safe. Bowery is not “Bowery” anymore.
only thing she have to worry about after, say 10PM is getting checked up by fancy rich drunks in open bar in the “boutique” Bowery hotel.
thou it won’t be a bad thing, those guys could be gallery big shot, art critics or writer, famed artist himself - thou I doubt he can draw better than your D.</p>

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<p>Miralwood…you are right about the variation in kids…and respecting their new found independence. G-Mom…my S is not the defensive type but when I had him captive in the car (transport from BWI to the Gaga concert) this week I was able to throw a lot of questions at him and he described some of his new friends, but names are not really his strength and certainly I don’t need to know names except to inquire about so and so in future conversations…perhaps this is why they don’t volunteer specifics about new acquaintances. </p>

<p>Yikes on the piercing but it sounds like you kept your cool. What did your H have to say? You may want her to send you a phone-photo so you can start adjusting and avoid going pale/passing out when you actually see her. I know I would have to look at the image for a while to desensitize myself. I am pretty squeamish. At least it wasn’t the tongue. Note to self to specify which piercings I can handle when daughter leaves home…metal in tongues and lips and noses may actually make me unable to have her at the dinner table with me. I couldn’t look at her ears for weeks after piercing at age 10 (grandma in Ecuador intervened to let D have “normal” ears) and I was useless for cleaning/disenfecting them. Its not the piercings per se (fine in anyone else) its just looking at man-made disfigurement of my children makes me ill. </p>

<p>S dashed back for the Lady Gaga concert. The very short trip home (arrived baltimore at 7:00 pm, concert 8-12 pm, put him on train to airport at 7 am) was good because S was clearly happy and, during the 45 minute car trip from airport to concert, volunteered information so the lack of communication for the previous 3-4 weeks was sort of balanced. It was great that he had some one on one time with sister and they have this weird/wild concert experience to remember. Luckily, H did not come with me to pick them up from concert; the outfits of the fans were amazing and frequently disturbing. H would have been horrified that his D was surrounded by such types even with protection of S. She did reveal that S had had a couple of guys "hit"on him while waiting in line (guys asked him his name, what he was studying, etc…her definition of hitting on someone)…can’t decide if she was more upset that men thought S was gay or that men paid attention to him and not to her…</p>

<p>Which brings me to the dietary issues of college life. S is very like H–fine boned and gauntly thin, which makes him look more on the delicate than brawny side. Well, S has clearly been losing weight in the short time at college. He says he has little time to eat, his schedule has classes during most meal times and the food is increadibly bland. He has eaten the ramen, cookies, etc. and drank all the milks I left (48 little horizon milks) so I guess roomate had helped with consumption because despite all that junk food S is down to 115 and 5’9"! One look at him and I felt he had perhaps an eating disorder… so during the concert I put together a care package of non-perishable, non-liquid, high calorie and high proteing/fat snack foods for him to take back, but he craves meat, fresh veg and fresh fruit. There are no grocery stores very close to campus and S seems swamped by work. He gets off campus on weekend evenings, but there is little opportunity for food shopping and he only has a mini fridge. Is it wise to try to send fruit as a care package? He doesn’t like protein bars. He looked so thin, my H suggested that we give him Ensure (my MIL on chemo drinks this and looks healthier than S at this point) but he would probably hide it or throw it away if I sent it. Any other ideas of high protein/calorie approaches to supplement kid’s diet?</p>

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<p>FAMMOM-- about fattening up, lol, I have some experience with that, at least when my manga girl was a toddler and was first diagnosed with celiac.</p>

<p>I don’t know what your budget looks like. Those fruit of the month club/gift baskets would get fresh fruit to your son on a monthly basis, – and those people know how to ship fruit expeditiously and in a manner that will keep it as fresh as possible. Along the same lines, how about the wondrously fattening gift boxes from that sausage company you see at Xmas time (of course the name escapes me at this moment) but you can send a box with a variety of salami’s and cheeses. Cheese is good for fattening up. Hickory Farms, that’s it. I knew it would eventually occur to me. Mini fridge, though, would be a bit of a problem,though I think at least some of the Hickory Farms stuff doesn’t need refrigeration. Nuts and trail mix are also good high calorie, high protein snacks. I recently found these Austrian snacks (gluten free) that were chocolate covered pumpkin seeds and edamame almonds or something like that. I bought twenty packages (single size serving, each serving has same protein as a piece of chicken breast) for MICA girl’s stock pile because I know how she eats (she was our family’s snack queen). MICA girl also likes tortilla chips and nacho cheese, but you’d need fridge/microwave for that. There is a huge variety of protein bars out there, he really doesn’t like ANY of them?</p>

<p>I’ll think on it some more. I was considering having us take Amtrak to California this year for Xmas since the airfare is so outrageous. 69 hours. Four celiacs to feed. No can do. I had to give up on that plan. Amtrak won’t claim anything as gluten free and I don’t see them surviving that long on cold sandwiches, cereal and yogurt.</p>

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<p>Hi loveblue- i think they may have a class together, but I dont remember. Did you see her schedule, I think S is mostly in section b and c. He seems to have a lot of 9 am classes. Im doing a lot of calling and texting too, and it is usually short, like yours. So far the teachers are great, and the classes are interesting. His humanities section is reading all the “dead white guys”, Homer, Shakespeare, Swift, and Forster. </p>

<p>Your D sounds ok, she already joined the YMCA which is good, and she went to a club, which is great! Thats two events in just a few days…</p>

<p>Bears, you are funny! Little Switters would probably get on babyloveblues nerves. She is quiet, and he “never met a stranger” as they say. She is much too good for him, I should be so lucky. He certainly admires her work. But I think they liked each other, and can be a resource to each other. My understanding is that all the art kids end up mostly as friends, since there are so few. </p>

<p>I told him to find a nice engineer and fall in love, so that at least someone was making a living. That is what his father did…</p>

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<p>Oh and Fammom- yikes! 115? My incredibly skinny kid is 5’9" and weighs 140. How about boxes of mac and cheese? Or does your S actually have a discerning palate. Can he get pizzas delivered while he does homework? lots of calories there…</p>

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<p>Hey fammom, my youngest D and a friend got to the Gaga concert too. Here’s a Post video of fan outfits - - I just love the girl who almost starts crying! They’re all so young. H and I rode down with the girls and I was surprised to realize I was on 7th street and not on K and 15th (where the prostitutes come over to waiting cars…). Lots of skin, high heels, and blond wigs. We had fun too since we ate at Jaleo.</p>

<p>[Lady</a> Gaga fans dress the part for concert](<a href=“http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/video/2010/09/07/VI2010090707108.html]Lady”>http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/video/2010/09/07/VI2010090707108.html)</p>

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<p>In happier news, D2 was a bit snippy and impatient on the phone for two days in a row. This is good for us actually as it means she’s busy and not feeling homesick. She is frustrated with her messy room and wants to establish more of a routine, but I think she’s doing OK. </p>

<p>When we visited we had to bring her to Home Depot to buy supplies for her sculpture class. She now has a huge roll of tar paper (required, and it ONLY comes in huge rolls). No wonder her room is a mess. At least if there’s extra, it will be useful at Halloween. </p>

<p>As for piercings, we have forbidden any more or any tattoos until she is financially independent. She has accepted this, but occasionally begs to have her tragus (sp?) pierced or some other weird ear area that involves a lot of cartilage. Ew. I just don’t like excessive piercings and have heard that mouth piercings can be bad for your health because they allow mouth bacteria to enter your bloodstream. Any time your kid asks for piercings or tattoos, make them do some research and visit NIH’s web site to find out interesting facts about Hepatitis B (or is it C?), heart valve inflammation, lost piercings, etc. D2 also placed out of the English class, and she told me that in the past many students have missed that by sleeping through the writing test which they give at 8:30 AM the day after move-in!</p>

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<p>when I came here as fresh off the boat, my first job was doing domestic help.
host/employer/ slave master family had pile of catalogue and Reader’s digest delivered home. I thumb thru between child care and housework and learned what America is made of.
LL Bean ( who need boots this ugly?), Company store( feather bed? what’a hell?), Victoria’s secret ( oohhh) J Crew ( ahhhhh)
Harry and David! oh how those tower of treats looked amazingly gorgeous!
I had no idea what is " tacky" and what is not.
<a href=“http://www.harryanddavid.com/gifts/store/home___?ref=google_search_tm&cm_mmc=Google-_-TM%2520-%2520Harry%2520and%2520David_Harry%2520and%2520David-_-david%2520and%2520harry-_-Broad_3916769554&gclid=CIiXlcD5-6MCFd9n5Qod5W-7LA[/url]”>http://www.harryanddavid.com/gifts/store/home___?ref=google_search_tm&cm_mmc=Google-_-TM%2520-%2520Harry%2520and%2520David_Harry%2520and%2520David-_-david%2520and%2520harry-_-Broad_3916769554&gclid=CIiXlcD5-6MCFd9n5Qod5W-7LA&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;