<p>Gmom
friend of mine sent me this link as one of the plan B to Z.
I am getting ready for crash landing or skidding before even start.
I like that fact courses are short, not that too outrageously expensive, they feed (this is yet another thing you have to deal with, eh) and house you.
thou there might be something new and hands on she might enjoy for a week at the time.
very White very VT.
[Yestermorrow</a> Design Build School offers a variety of courses in sustainable design : Design Build School Vermont](<a href=“http://www.yestermorrow.org/]Yestermorrow”>http://www.yestermorrow.org/)</p>
<p>Pace is a weird school, no one talks about it, but some native kids do go there.
I haven’t met any but a pair of soccer parents who met there and married, named their kid “Pace” who was in the same pee-wee team. </p>
<p>no matter what, you are the Tigger, me Eeyore.</p>
<p>Thanks Bears!
It is good News! It looks like Bushwick is getting better. Hope D can be fine and I will just pray for her ALL THE TIME.</p>
<p>Gmom:
It seems hard for you to help your D1. Maybe what I say here is nonsense but still feel like to say it:
you have to rely on yourself to help your D1. social worker or … can help but you are the one have her in your heart.
If I were you I will:
set up a basic goal based on her condition, like live independently.
2.It seems like have her live home maybe more easier for her?
spend time to know what her mind is on, helping remove any negative ideas piece by piece. It can be a long time process.
4.Is there a college near your home, is there a way to get her even volunteer in some work place to get her connected to her peers.
I am sorry, It is hard, please ignore me if you think it didn’t make sense.</p>
<p>Loveblue, your words are kind and you do make sense. Unfortunately there is only so much you can do for your child with this type of disability. Autism spectrum disorders are tricky to diagnose and there’s this large grey area where there clearly is some kind of a functional problem but no label to attach to it.<br>
I was always one to think that there was a huge problem with over-medicating kids (especially boys, and I don’t have a boy so I based this on stereotypes that I saw in my neighborhood) for basically being what they are – boys will be boys – and I thought that ‘ADD’ was kind of a figment of some do-gooder’s imagination. Plus I was convinced that there was nothing ‘wrong’ with my kid. She was some kind of ‘super kid’ – she could sit and do huge jigsaw puzzles for hours at a time when she was very very young – she could read at 3 – she read Charlotte’s Web at 5. I homeschooled her because I was convinced that the negatives of what she’d learn in kindergarten far outweighed any possible academics they could offer her. When she was eight and took EiGHT hours to do a sheet of simple math problems, I was convinced she was just stubborn and oppositional. I had her tested. Her IQ was basically off the charts – so much so that they had to retest her with a different IQ test with a higher ceiling. That high IQ masked a lot of other issues that have now come home to roost. I had a hard time accepting the ADD diagnosis when she was in 8th grade. She went on medication and we shepherded her through high school and she was very successful with that parental support. In college though, there was no support. Even though we had her have phone sessions with her therapist, it wasn’t enough support.
When she came home I had her start working with the social worker and the idea was that she would ‘prove’ she could do one class at the community college for college credit – that was going to be her ticket back to MICA. She had to do this without parental ‘support’ – we couldn’t tell her to get up in the morning, we couldn’t nag her about assignments, we couldn’t ‘remind’ her to get cash for parking etc. She couldn’t do it. She had to get an incomplete in the class. Now we’re in full parental nag mode to get her to finish this class before we start whatever we’re going to do in the fall. The social worker is working with her every day to make sure that she is making progress.<br>
We are now trying to compress the entire college application process into two days (!). We meet with Dr. Zager, the OASIS program director at Pace University on Wednesday. OASIS is “Ongoing Academic and Social Integration Support” and is designed for autism spectrum kids, though there are a few without official diagnosis – like D1 – who have executive function issues. We are also looking into a new program at Landmark College – a ‘Bridge Semester’ for kids who flounder in a regular college setting and need to learn independence skills and how to manage their learning disability – but then they can go back to their home college. I have no idea how we’re going to swing this. The program is ‘full’ but the director seems eager to take D1 – they havent had a fine arts student come to their program before – and D1 as impressive stats on paper anyway. But there’s the whole portfolio review piece for the fine arts department that we have to figure out and there’s the Pace application plus the separate OASIS application.<br>
Plus I accepted a new job and I’m trying to get the paperwork turned around for that. AND there’s FOUR dogs in the house (taking care of two) and six relatives arrive tomorrow morning from California for a two week visit. I’m juggling as fast as I can!</p>
<p>I don’t know what to say but feel like had to say something.
what made you medicate her in 8th grade if you are originally against?
when my kid was in kindergarten and couldn’t “corp” with classmates who just grab and take scissors the moment he put on the table but still using, or push him out of line for a slide (normal five year old brats’ behavior, just that nobody ever treated him that way while he was little and lived in small community or stint at this niiicccceeee pre-school with niiiccceeee four year olds from niiiiccceee families who would ask “may I watch television?” during playdate)
my kid would fight back, and usually finish the fights and was sent to principals office often, soon became labeled as “troubled” “must be that mother” “must be his home life”
there were suggestions I should “seek help” I knew it wasn’t so and hated hated hated medication. never took him to get evaluated. I don’t know if I did right thing or wrong. I’d never know.
It was easier if there is actually something wrong about him and it wasn’t “this mother” or “this family” = not my fault, but his illness and it could be treated to make him more organized, studious, respectful.
he wasn’t and it was hard, but like I said in somewhere, once in HS it was less of the issue.
I used to take care of one boy who had ADHD. always being wild and diagnosed around 10, but parents opposed medication and he turned out basically fine, grew out of it, as old sayings go.
my kid had a classmate really had it from the day one. he can not sit still if did not take med.
mom took it in stride and moved him eventually to private school that must take him regardless of her income if area public school could not accommodate enough.
I don’t know what happened to them.</p>
<p>I can see that you are doing what is best for her.
I don’t know about loveblue, but where I was a kid, “born this way” the way I was raised with half nuts brother and myself being social misfit, in the end what did not kill me made me stronger.
but not happier. I wish I had the support your kids got.
if there is help and money, use it.
if all run out and you are at wit’s end, let me know.</p>
<p>I’m back! Gosh…gone a week and it feels like years. G-Mom…you are a super mom trying to do it all. Having so many dogs and people in the house is going to be tough. Perhaps a family pow-wow is in order…if D1 wants to do this pace hting she is going to have to really step up to help on the home front while you do paperwork for your new job, etc. Perhaps a sit down with a list of chores and let each one pick the ones they want and leave the most unpleasant to your husband (such is life). SOmetimes I calll a solemn family meeting before visitors descend and impose great stress and threaten a mom-breakdown and basically say that they must really help or I am going to the loony bin. It is hard to sustain this but generally we have a code word like the cat’s name that I use in front of visitors that indicates that I am close to blowing a fuse and need quick intervention of family help (dishes, pets, garbage, entertain visitors) so I can step away for a few minutes. Nagging and fighting in front of visitors is too distressing so we have used this during MIL visit (left today…HURRAH!!). Cat has been called frequently during the past two weeks and kids/hubby hears the warning sign and look about to see what needs doing. </p>
<p>The Pace program sounds good but if D1 is not motivated then it may not go anywhere. Also, consider a tuition insurance program for PACE but check the small print about limitations. I did it for my son last year when I was unsure about his ability to make it at CMU. I won’t do it for CMU again but a $300 premium to recover up to $25,000 tuition/fees/expenses each semester seemed like a good investment when I was unsure if S would complete freshman year.</p>
<p>It sounds like life has been pretty easy at home (free of stress in terms of her having to take chances) so she may flee back home at the first sign of stress unless she is really motivated to stick it out. It is important to have a secure and safe place to land when things get overwhelming but she may find every bump in the road overwhelming without sufficient incentive to move forward and out of the house. This is just based on your description, but it sounds like the social worker did not do a great job this summer–you were told to be hands off and she/he would make sure your D stayed on track but lo and behold another incomplete. I think you have found that some nagging is the only way to get forward motion by D and the hands off did not work well for you guys. I am a big fan of nagging-- worked well for us for 4 years of HS and somehow now needs no nagging about school stuff…I still have to nag about household stuff–for example after a quick start to the window cleaning project it was only completed by removing the keys from his room and saying no you can’t leave the house until the last window is cleaned.</p>
<p>Good luck and I will do a full posting of the wedding-from-hell and HS-30th-reunion trips both full of excellent drama for your enjoyment…for now…back to work…</p>
<p>Hang in there, G-mom! I’m feeling a bit lazy so I’ll try to send my unused energy your way. </p>
<p>A new job (congrats!), visitors, extra dogs, and there are the kids - lying around expecting you to do their dishes? I would want to run away and hide somewhere nice and cool and quiet. You have a very special daughter and I’m sorry it’s so hard on you to help her manage her life. I’ll admit a bias for a bit of nagging. If she can’t cope herself, set some goals/ultimatums/threats to keep things from getting stagnant. It’s tough, because if you leave her to herself, she may do nothing, and then get depressed because she’s doing nothing, and then be even less capable of energy and initiative. Good luck with the programs you’re looking into, they sound very helpful.</p>
<p>Glutenmom - Close your eyes and take three deep breaths…Examine your expectations and see if you can reset some of them: Dogs - What is the min you need to do for them for now? Food/water and let them out? Maybe assign someone to walk them (maybe visitors?). Family - Explain that you are getting ready for a new job and that you’ll be with them ASAP. Assign someone(s) to keep them occupied for a day or so. (Sheesh, they will be there 2 weeks, so what is a day or so?). D1 reminds me of a close friend’s daughter. She is an emotional late bloomer. Specific tasks can work. Not too many. Getting organized is not something to be learned. It is not in their DNA and is impossible to sustain. Some people are just this way, but they bring such rich gifts in other areas. Can you adjust your expectations so you don’t gauge your kid against other kids, yet still hold her accountable for what she agreed to do? And I think you may have touched on this before. Are her meds working? Not all work for everyone. Fingers crossed for you.</p>
<p>So now I am in the third leg of my “vacation” that began just over 12 days ago and seems like a lifetime. The Vegas part of the saga was a mixture of interesting, fun, boring, hot and bizarre. The latter was more due to family issues than the unique people that go to Vegas. The wedding was in a wedding chapel in a strip mall. Much to our surprise it wasn’t a catholic wedding, it wasn’t holy-roller protestant, but non-denominational tacky. The officiating “pastor” spoke spanish and english well but couldn’t remember the bride and groom names without referring to his notes. THey mixed sand to symbolize unity and as the sand filled the vase, odd, music rose from the back (like raiders of the lost ark kinda dramatic music) which made me start to laugh and the bride and groom just looked weirded out. The reception was at the same place and while the food was pretty lousy and it was dark with no windows it turned into a fun party–free booze and enough ecuadorians and you know you will have some good dancing at least. BIL seemed to be really making the effort to spend time with us and his mother but no offers to see her after the wedding, etc. The next day they did call to see if we could meet for dinner but asked me to find a place for 20 that could serve us within 1/2 an hour because they had something else at 9pm and it had to be cheap…why me? I actually manage it, we meet, but now there are 27 of us all together and $12 entrees are too expensive. We go to the foodcourt and try to seat 27; my SIL only sits with her mother and not a word with our MIL. THe grooms maternal grandad, however, is nice guy so he made some overtures. BUT THE FOOD …yuck…my H and I got foodpoisoning from charlie chang fast food chinese. Also, my D took my MIL to get food at a burrito place and MIL orders so much that D’s $20 isn’t enough for both of their orders…BIL is behind them in line and says that he has only $15 so he won’t pay for my mother-in-law (his mom)…I kid you not! …that was pretty much all we saw of them although the groom and bride did stop by to see his grandma. My husband was very hurt by his brother’s attitude but such is life. </p>
<p>The Mirage hotel booking included the buffet but this was thouroughly wasted on my family that nibbled at a few things and then decided it was too depressing watching people trying to eat to “get their money’s worth”. The pool was nice and we went to a few of the crazy hotels but MIL was unable to walk for long. Went to great tacky magic show…best thing in vegas. We went to the Phantom show…turned out the las vegas “version” is 1/2 the time of the broadway version…S and D kept singing “the phantomopera” as fast as possible to indicate how they managed to do (according to sales pitch) “all the good songs, leaving out the intermission and the ‘foo-foo’ bits”…I wonder if Lloyd Weber realized that he had foo-foo bits in his show. It was probably enough for MIL. I reached my limit of seeing people overeating, overspending, overstressing, and overindulging and announced I was going to the grand canyon…MIL wanted to go but I told her and my husband they needed to rest and kids and I drove out into MASSIVE RAINSTORM? but we made it to Zion and it was beautiful even in the rain. Stopped at weird antique/curiosity shops and S picked up lots of items to cast and D picked out some antique jewelry. Lovely day outdoors made up for vegas yuckiness. We are committed to do the southwest parks someday but without MIL …</p>
<p>I will fill you in on the fun of a HS 30 year reunion next. How many of you have done those or will (I may be the oldest on this post)…</p>
<p>I bet the rainstorm was an improvement! They happen sometimes in the summer and are called “monsoons” for some reason in Arizona. H, D1 and D2 went to Zion, Bryce and a few smaller parks for spring break last year. They loved it! They skiied at a smallish place called Brian Head too. There was plenty of snow at Bryce (mid-March) but none at Zion which was a bit warmer. They flew into Las Vegas but didn’t stay there. No crowds at the parks which is a great benefit for visiting in the winter but the north rim of the GC doesn’t open until June 1st or thereabouts because they don’t want to plow the road. Several of these parks have “artist in residence” programs where you get to stay in a cabin inside the park for several weeks and are asked only to donate a piece of work when you leave. Something to consider for the future! Writers, dancers, etc., can also apply.</p>
<p>I can’t believe you ended up eating at a food court. BIL is tacky! He cannot be enjoying his life.</p>
<p>Famm- nope, you don’t get to be oldest. I went to my 10th reunion, but missed my 35th because of the hurricanes in 2004 - I work in GIS and FEMA needed maps and data for field work. So if you do the math and it shows I graduated HS in 1969. Can anyone beat that? Great story, BTW!</p>
<p>Hello all, back from Israel. I’m on my iPhone so won’t send a long post here. </p>
<p>Gmom your description of D1 sounds a lot like a friends som. They ended up deciding on McDaniel in part because of support. He starts this year after a gap year.</p>
<p>now I got it
switters you are not ditching me but in love with your iphone.
if you think otherwise, sit at the desk and write more than three paragraphs!!!</p>
<p>Bears, I like how one worried parent complained about Picasso not being successful until after he died! According to Wikipedia…“Picasso demonstrated extraordinary artistic talent in his early years… . artistic accomplishments brought him universal renown and immense fortune, making him one of the best-known figures in 20th century art.”</p>
<p>There’s a lot of worry out there. I would worry about Philosophy majors more.</p>
<p>hey check it out, after fammom shaking things up a bit, there are some fun stories at ^^said thread!!
I wanna ask OP why then did ever agreed to send D to eh, artschool to begin with, but no no nope gagggrrroouuuff (mmuzzle muzzle)</p>
<p>I am cleaning out stuff and not doing so well… rice and seaweed dinch won’t fuel me (kid away no real cooking needed), procrastination, NPR break, poking head in cough cough, class of 2015 launch parents’ drama! drama!!! America! the plenty!!!
of course no mother with right mind would slap BB&B location pick up-ed brand-new sheets (ex long twin) out of package onto precious kid’s dorm bed! got pre-wash somehow, how? would dorm’s washer drier available on move-in day?
…I am re-living the days parents horrified over new mom hailing cab home from the hospital without newborn’s car seat ready. (it’s NYC thing, I know. who need a car seat when you don’t own a car? answer: every right minded mothers of course!! not even just one cab ride should not be compromised!!!
it was this huge fuss in local parents’ papers, I am not kidding!! I think they made law or at least some regulation later on, can’t remember the details)</p>
<p>I read that thread also… My s does paint all night on his own. But honestly the only rich people in my family are the ones who didn’t go to college. Life is so full of uncertainty.</p>
<p>tigger popping in to gnash teeth and pop out again:
D1 ixnayed the Pace University program (too intrusive and not really set up to deal with art major). A big ‘NO’ to Landmark bridge semester also. sigh. She says she ‘knows what went wrong at MICA and won’t make the same mistakes again’ and H and I say ‘how do we know that?’ Then she makes the absurd claim that it is actually ‘easier’ for her to function at MICA because she can keep her own schedule and not worry about if it’s dinner time or not (huh?)
We seem to have a stalemate. We will not send her back to MICA until she demonstrates that she can handle being independent. But since we were (yet again) running around at the last minute to fill an expired prescription – it seems she’s still in the ditch and hasn’t figured out how to get out of it yet.
I’m going to go off to New Hampshire and cogitate about it. Or ruminate or vegetate… or something.</p>
<p>G-mom…hope the break brings some peace of mind. I just finished my 3-legged vacation–Vegas, HS reunion, 3 days at Delaware beaches. Vegas did not bring peace of mind or any time to cogitate, reflect, relax…the opposite. HS reunion, while very busy actually was tremendously relaxing and the driving/flying time gave me lots of time to think about meaning of life, or at least, as switters points out, the uncertainty of life. Our class was about 400–the first class to go through forced integration kinder through high school. Only 6-7 of the 50 or so people who showed up were african american students while our school black population was more like 30-40%. Most of the group that showed had been in “enrichment” classes in grade school (sops thrown to the white parents when their kids were bused to a school with inadequate resources, ie formerly black schools). We were able to identify almost all of us either in my copy of my 5th grade class or in a picture from an 8th grade trip to Washington DC…none of the black kids had even heard of the trip so we decided it was set up for the white kids only on the sly or black parents just couldn’t afford it so never told kids.</p>
<p>Since we had been in classes from 5th grade on we were pretty close in middle school but we were tracked in HS so I had classes with about 20 core students in top math/science. …most of my senior calc class was there (11 people) and of that group most maxed out academically. One peer from the calc class has a PhD in math, 1 lawyer now federal prosecutor, 4 engineers, one computer science prof, one went to princeton to study math and not sure what happened to her, 2 doctors and me. The surprises really were among the group that were in elementary/middle with me and then did average in HS so I didn’t have classes with them. One football player who was ignored academically got a scholarship to play in college; not a great player but took a lit class with encouraging professor and now is probably one of our most successful grads because he writes african-american harlequin-type romances under various women’s pseudonyms. One grad is now a well regarded opera singer despite only having sung in our school chorus as a teen. One student did a ceramics BFA in Georgia and, never having taken an art class in HS because there were none, apprenticed in his grandpa’s functional pottery shop in the appalachia mountains and became a potter. He moved the whole shop to our hometown and is making a living and happy. He told me he regrets not getting the MFA because it would allow him to teach but also would have given him the opportunity to do more artistic and less functional work.</p>
<p>Another, decent but not gifted academic student, dropped out of school and makes eclectic styles of clothing. Most of my friends became teachers or policemen or manage retail shops/grocers. Many did not complete undergrad degrees. The woman who runs the public relations for one a fortune 500 co (and put together our reunion) never finished at junior college. </p>
<p>However, most are struggling a bit in this economy but most seem very happy with their lives–we seemed to buck the trend on divorces or perhaps the divorcees didn’t come to the reunion. We didn’t talk a lot about work/achievements. We caught up on the basics and a lot of conversation was about the debt crisis/the stupidity of the florida governor/aging parents/college for kids. Most of my friends have kids very unsure what they want to do, dependent upon financial aid, etc. The guys were late to start families and many still have kids in elementary school. It was mainly my girl-friends who are having to support kids choosing the military, dropping out of school, etc. YEt…my take away was that simple pleasures like the beach, friends and family and football are enough to keep life good despite the ups and downs. A lot of my friends live VERY simply but in many ways they were so much less stressed than the washington dc crowd near us that have a lot of everything and measure success differently. </p>
<p>D has noticed my more relaxed attitude (see how long it lasts)–I let her hang out with friends in beach town until late at night…and laid back on the whole summer homework thing. We will see if it is more beneficial than the nagging… for now the mellow mood from reunion continues…</p>