After the launch

College Majors Visual Arts and Film Majors
1581

<p>bears: hope the terror threat over weekend won’t be anything. </p>

<p>Still remember when I got to the after school daycare to pick up D. D may feel mom was not happy. she asked me what was wrong? I drove the car thinking how to make her understand.
I looked at her and said something really bad happened …
I continued to told her:
“There are many many boys and girls like you, their dad or mom sent them to school in the morning but they never never have a chance to pick them up like what I am doing now”…
I looked at her and could not hold my tears any more. I didn’t cry the whole day until I talked to D about it.</p>

1582

<p>greenwich:
you win over me!
We must post at the same time. my is answer famm, and bears about 911…
Yes:
We all wish gmom the best :—)</p>

1583

<p>Loveblue, I said the same to my girls. After 911, I needed to tell them I loved them every time we separated for school, work, etc. I thought about the parents who didn’t get to say that last I love you and give the last hug. So sad. I don’t know if I can watch any of it. I still have the US News and Time magazines on the event in my files. And the picture my then 5 year-old drew of people jumping out of windows - that’s when I knew we had seen enough on TV and elsewhere.</p>

1584

<p>oh boy. I am reading the last bunch of pages from bears’ natural history story, to g’moms daughter and 9/11 and I am in tears. Sending god wishes to you all. </p>

<p>We drive S up to RISD on Sunday. Then I need to start thinking about S2 who is a junior this year. That Carnegie news is very interesting. S2 is interested in Global Studies yet has lots of science/tech type friends. I think he could be happy at Carnegie. Plus he romanticizes old, worn down American cities. He tells me he wants to live in Detroit some day. </p>

<p>I am thinking a lot of gmom and daughter. Lately I have been sinking into depression (is it peri-menopause?) and feel some empathy. I keep thinking I need help of some sort but when you feel this way it is hard to snap out of it enough take action. Every thought of change gets met with a beat down. I met a healer on vacation who works with people from a distance. She is a available for emails and texts everyday and adjusts her work according to what one is experiencing. Don’t know what you all think about this kind of thing but I will say, she has been working with my stepfather who was at death’s door 6 months ago: trache, feeding tube, bedridden, down to 130lbs at 6’ and deeply depressed. He is now walking, eating and is generally happier than I am. I am considering trying it but it is pricey (she charges $500/month). One of my issues is money/abundance/fear and justifying the expense is difficult. How much do anti depressants cost per month? Regular therapy is at least that much. Shouldn’t we be able to get through life without these kinds of things. Toughen up and deal with reality. (Just mind dumping here) Would love to hear your thoughts.</p>

1585

<p>We live near DC so it became a panic to pick up the girls early and get them home. I saw a brief, unbelievable horror of images of the towers burning for about 10 seconds on the TV until I ran out to get them. </p>

<p>I told them something vague and we didn’t listen to the radio on our long, very crowded trip home. We had picked up some other kids and they were happily chatting and happily clueless. It was hard, but I didn’t put the TV on until after they were asleep. I snuck a peak at the news on the computer but internet news was in its infancy then so I couldn’t find much out. </p>

<p>Their school had a small recital for parents where a choral group sang something over and over again in rounds, with the audience, and I cried and cried. I can’t remember the name of the song, something in Latin. I’ll figure it out…</p>

1586

<p>Dona nobis pacem (give us peace) by Mozart, I should have known!</p>

<p>[Dona</a> Nobis Pacem - YouTube](<a href=“Dona Nobis Pacem - YouTube”>Dona Nobis Pacem - YouTube)</p>

1587

<p>drae
gawd you got loveliest family, size 0 teenage body, talent and brain, skills galore, and dogs and cat, or cats and dog!!</p>

<p>then gain
I have learned that you can never ever use any sort of yard stick for personal suffering of any sort.
have a safe trip I-95. maybe that would take off some chunk off your no trace of roll of fat shoulders and back.</p>

<p>Do you wanna go to monster parade with us?
let’s see… I got one scream-guy getup, one snake superhero costume my kid designed, and one loyalist red coat with tricorn hat situated with fake braided yarn hair on the back/side rolls made out of toilet paper; from his 7th grade social study research presentation.
I also had donkey from Shakespeare presentation on 8th grade, which turned into Disney’s Beast for my nephew who escorted his sister for her sweet sixteen (Belle, in signature dress crudely made by me… I don’t usually do zippers)
wanna see the photo? I saved one and put in “til this box is full” box.
and my job still got one bear and one bunny somewhere, from Macy’s thanksgiving parade ages ago.</p>

<p>in other words
I am here when you ever need</p>

1588

<p>G, we got crossed</p>

<p>I came out of subway at 23rd street and that was the day Martha Stewart magazine is going to introduce new baby issue. I did not stop to look as people around are saying “oh my god” “f**” but made beeline to the magazine shop, which shipment was delayed.
in frustration I got to the job and everyone was in my room that facing South.
then I saw.
We watched as it happened, phone rang. everyone called everyone in and out. we huddled together and just watched.
It was surreal. We are far enough to hear no sound or smell no smoke, just like watching a movie.
the sky was so blue and sun shone and shone only except.
I was replaying in my head image and music of Koyaanisqatsi as the tower fell.
darn art school education, this is REAL! think! think!
WWMGD? I thought about my grandma. I knew I will be OK.</p>

1589

<p>Oh bears, I love the music of Koyaanisqatsi. And I remember that beautiful sky and sun that went on, for days and days afterward, when it should have been gray and weeping rain.</p>

<p>fammom - was your documentary the one made by the French brothers? I think about them and wonder if the younger one is OK since he breathed in so much of that thick, smoky air.</p>

1590

<p>if you never heard of it, of course I had to google to get the spelling right
[Koyaanisqatsi</a> - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia](<a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Koyaanisqatsi]Koyaanisqatsi”>Koyaanisqatsi - Wikipedia)
[Koyaanisqatsi</a> (trailer) - YouTube](<a href=“Koyaanisqatsi (trailer) - YouTube”>Koyaanisqatsi (trailer) - YouTube)</p>

1591

<p>bears, it will be showing at Lincoln Center on November 3rd and 4th with a full orchestra! I may have to make a pilgrimage…</p>

<p>I love your WWMGD.</p>

1592

<p>oh bears…thank you. For some reason the Red Coat Loyalist appeals to me. Maybe it is the braid. I think it would fit. I’d like to see this cast of characters wandering the streets together. Could it really happen?</p>

<p>S2 told us about a talk one of his teachers gave to the 8-12th grades today. We live on a main road with our school across the street from our house and a Sufi Mosque directly behind our yard. The teacher who spoke is a member of the mosque. The mosque often sponsors families living in difficult circumstances to make it to the states. A year before 9/11 one such family from Bangladesh moved here and had children in the school. One of the daughters was in S2’s class. Our school has an event the first day of school where 12th graders give 1st graders a rose to welcome them. I remember seeing the father of this family sitting with his beautiful daughter on his lap waiting for her name to be called to receive her rose. He was beaming with a huge smile. This dad did not make it through 9/11. He was a tech worker in one of the towers. Today this teacher told the kids that the night before he died he called her late…around 11pm because he wanted to thank her for helping his family make it here and get their children set up in the school. He told her he could see how they were thriving and he was so grateful.
S2 remembers that on 9/11 their class teacher told them about what happened in the form of a fairy tale about a house burning down. Kids were asking if their families were ok and the teacher said yes, everything would be alright. They had not heard about the father yet.
The mosque wrapped themselves around that family in the months afterwards. There was a memorial at the school in the spring with a tree planting honoring him. At year’s end the mom and her children had to move to Florida where they had family who could lend them support. The kids who were there together in that class that year still keep in touch with the girl.
Today when my son told this story and talked about his memories we all cried at the dinner table.
Thanks for WWMGD bears. It all made me think of her and the many who persevere through trauma.</p>

1593

<p>I was in the midst of getting on with our school day. I was homeschooling the girls, D1 was nine, aspie girl was seven and manga girl was five. It was my sister’s birthday, so I was thinking about her when she called. Gosh, it must have been some gawdawful time in California – her husband the trucker had called her to tell her that a plane had hit the WTC and so she called me because she knew I wouldn’t have the tv on.<br>
So I turned the tv on.
We live in Westchester County and an awful lot of the folks that live here commute everyday to lower Manhattan. One neighbor’s husband worked in WTC 7, another in WTC 2. One husband eventually got home that evening, the other one’s didn’t. The neighbor with the husband at WTC 7 came over. Her husband had given his cell phone to someone else and there was no transportation back up here and she had no idea where he was. She was beside herself. Then the school district sent all the regular kids home early and there were a couple of little kids with no parents home to pick them up. Our house is on the corner where the bus stops so I went out to make sure that the kids were okay until they were picked up. I don’t think the kids should have just been sent home like that with no one sure to pick them up.<br>
I remember having to go to a girl scout leader camp thing while all the planes were grounded and how quiet and still the night sky was with no planes overhead. I remember looking down the Hudson River, where, when it’s clear you can just catch a glimpse of the skyscapers and seeing the plume of black smoke smudging the sky. I remember thinking those sonsof*****es flew right over our heads that day as they followed the river to the city.
Later on we were in the city when they recreated the twin towers with beams of light – that was so awe inspiring and up-lifting. We will never forget.</p>

1594

<p>I am in a turmoil reading today and yesterday’s posts. First though, my heart goes out to you Gmom. I believe that depression is such a serious illness, but it is so difficult to know what to do, unlike diabetes. People who are depressed can act normally and participate in activities–one does not have to be completely frozen to be depressed, it is how one goes about the rest of their life that is the issue. I can not imagine the heartbreak and fear of how to proceed. I wish you patience and the ability to trust what you think is best for your daughter.</p>

<p>As for 911. I have been in tears today listening to all the stories. On 9/11, my dd was in a Jewish day school, ten minutes away from the hotel in Boston where the terrorists were living. As soon as it was announced that the terrorists had been from the area, my dh went and yanked dd and her friends from the school. Dd says that she still has fears from that day and watching what went on over and over again. I watched the towers falling on tv from Boston, but I was on the phone with a friend who was in NYC. We had lived in NYC and had many friends that worked in the area, but thankfully, all of our friends were safe. It was an horrendous time and yet a heroic time. I am so appreciative of all the first responders and their families and Gmom, I agree, we will never forget.</p>

<p>Glad to have you all here.</p>

<p>Oh, Bears, I am sorry about the edamame. I will check into it! :)</p>

1595

<p>hi drae
It might happen if G would come hear the music.
and I might invite Gmom to join, hehehe
I actually made 100acre woods residents for one Halloween, a boy who was my charge was Pooh, my kid (a year younger) still crawling baby Piglet.
grwonups only got hats and tails on the safety pins: his very maternal mom was Kanga, her jumpy young sister who was also my friend was Tigger, me Eeyore (who else)
noone wanted to be owl or rabbit, so that was it.
I should warn you, thou, the redcoat is the crappy-est costume. but rest assured, the braid got red bow on the end!! bring your pants and boots, please. yes, the top should fit. He surpassed my height already by then.</p>

<p>phillymom!! please tell me it is just temporary, not gone-GONE.
I mean, edamame with pods are still there, spicy ones, too, and TJ’s “soycutash” medley of shelled edamame, corn kernels, red pepper bits.
so it is not like they’ve run out of edamame per se.
^they are all frozen items, by the way. Usually in the freezer with other veggies.
and yes, try roasted corn folks, I eat them frozen with bit of TJ’s Greek yogurt when I want icecream. awwww life is good. what? sounds gross?
try them try them and you may I say!!</p>

1596

<p>drae:
I want to share my understand of mental/phisical problem and our body:
Human body is very complicated, we eat and the food got transferred to whatever our body needed, which include Chemical to control our mood. I know certain “medicine” can make people happier WITH side effect for sure.
Taking in “Chemical” interrupt the balance of our body. In a long run, our body loose the automatic rebalance ability and in the mean time, the taking in “chemical” get harder to make our body satisfy. Doctor getting busy to prescript different kind medicine …</p>

<p>In a short time, taking certain kind of medicine to break out is fine but this can not be a long time solution. I can not understand some people saying: her body don’t have enough this kind of chemical, so she need to keeps on takeing it. </p>

<p>I believe the recovery power of our body. </p>

<p>For example, if we cut our finger by accident, we could use other hand to hold on the wound for a while, it can be healed by our body alone without any medicine apply on or take in. </p>

<p>Another example of myself:I had really bad neck pain in my twenties, when I was in graduate school. Every night, It is hard to fall in sleep, because of the pain and day time I have to hold on my chin to release the heavy of my head on my neck. It was getting worse and worse until one day, I talked to my PE teacher about it and she asked me: Do you believe this problem can be healed by your body alone? and then she told me that basically our body has three status:

  1. Sleeping status when we fall in sleep, like a river covered by thick ice.
  2. Active status when we wake up: like river even ocean full of big or small waves.
  3. Qi status, by practice “Qi Gong”, we can reach it and taste it, it is like peaceful river. we are wake but very calm and mind didn’t work that much.<br>
    Our body will have the most healing powerful in the third status. She taught me how to practice “Qi Gong” and It worked!</p>

<p>At that status, there is no noise (the river waves) in our body, our body can tell which part of it have problem and work on it. It is hard to reach the third status, when I did reach it, it is wonderful. There is several times I even can feel warm on my neck like a big light bulb near by it. It can be so comfortable after practice “Qi Gong”.</p>

<p>Even we are not in the third status, our body keeps finding which part of it going wrong and keeps on fix the problems. In the winter, when we catch a cold or even flu, it can be healed without any medicine.Yea, this is a physical perspective example, but it apply to mental problem also.</p>

<p>Our mind set play a big role also. Like my early post about the human mind set power test. The person is not bleeding by a little cut on his arm but he was told he was going to bleeding to die, his blood will all run out in the afternoon. The water drip made him believe this as a fact. He did die in the afternoon.</p>

<p>This reflect our education on our kids. We need to find something to encourage them. There must be something they did good or getting better. If we blame blame them stupid. They eventually will become stupid to show we are right. It is terrible we could make our kid believe that they are not good at this or that…</p>

<p>Drae: it seems I didn’t provide my opinion at all. That healer may help you to look at things in a new way.If your mindset change, it will help but maybe it is peri-menopause? the charge is high though.
You have two wonderful S to cheer up. For me, I feel so many bad things happening on the earth all the time but I am still doing fine, It is already a bless. I have a friend, a single mom, her son is senior in HS this year, she is fighting cancer alone, her son is inmature to care her. Looking at her, I feel I am so blessed.
Drae: Cheer up and you are so blessed also. Go have fun with bears and gmom!</p>

1597

<p>Loveblue…thank you for our post. In your description of Qi status I am triggered to remember the healing power in myself. This is really what the healer encourages. During “healing” sessions one is making time for the body/self to move towards it’s healing tendencies. You have reminded me that I do not take much time to enter this state these days. I used to. Did lots of yoga and searching but even that became a type A game of being more and more perfect. I can get sooo serious. Choosing fun becomes low on the list of priorities. You have inspired me to sit each day and allow healing myself. I will let you know how I am doing. </p>

<p>I want you to come dress up too!</p>

1598

<p>so there was an article in the post about conducting therapy through discussions of philosophical writings…[-</a> The Washington Post](<a href=“http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/2011/08/18/gIQA7yxNXJ_story.html]-”>http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/2011/08/18/gIQA7yxNXJ_story.html)</p>

<p>This seems to fill a gap, perhaps, for people who have melancholy and less severe depression who need to deal with it in a very intellectual way. It is very appealing to the reserved english side of me that would prefer to discuss my problems in the third person. </p>

<p>I was definitely down yesterday (sept 11 combined with my b-day (today!)) so for the past 10 years I get a weird combination of guilt about being alive and not appreciative enough along with a sense of doom and gloom about the state of the world. I have thoughts like " the world is going to h*** (9-11 focus all day, news stories about somalia, violence in DC, and then I watched the president’s speech with members of congress looking less than engaged…) combined with my own sense of aging "what is the point of my life? and I will die accomplishing nothing… and is this really it? " all at the same time. I think reading a bit of Satre or Aristotle may put it in perspective…didn’t have any of that around so I went to bed with a book of poems–Emily Dickinson and laugh and cry and think now THAT is melancholy. Maybe not a great philosopher but definitely has some strong feelings about being alone, life and death. Weirdly, I woke up much happier and the sun is shining and H went to the farmers’ market with me as part of birthday celebration! (lucky for him my B day doesn’t fall on Saturday but every 1/2 dozen years). NOw to gardening…good day to pull weeds after 6 days of rain.</p>

1599

<p>hi love
I know it is a wrong thing to ask at the moment but what Qi Gong means and how you spell it?
remember the gun powder artist Cai Guo-Qiang that I’d mix up name with the Starwars jedi master Qui Gon Jinn?
[qui</a> gon jinn - Google Search](<a href=“http://www.google.com/search?q=qui+gon+jinn&hl=en&client=firefox-a&hs=qZQ&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&prmd=ivns&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=x4NrTtHLEYHEgAfngbWIBg&ved=0CDwQsAQ&biw=1680&bih=809]qui”>http://www.google.com/search?q=qui+gon+jinn&hl=en&client=firefox-a&hs=qZQ&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&prmd=ivns&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=x4NrTtHLEYHEgAfngbWIBg&ved=0CDwQsAQ&biw=1680&bih=809)
is it a inspiration or isn’t it?
by the way I heard that “jedi” is from “jidai” of “jidai-geki” = sward fitting opera from samurai-Japan. not exactry but the word only hold value about same as “soap opera” “sitcom” as a genre.
funny how words can travel and change.</p>

1600

<p>fammom!!
you should have told me that was your big day!!
I could megabused in monster costume with Magnolia cupcakes!</p>

<p>my kid was at Dulles VA (where is THAT?) where the cough cough his next business will be and left his (I mean our) lovey on the hotel bed!!
He called during day ( which never happens) and
“em… I lost… Babo”
[Uglydoll</a> - Official Online Store Hey Ugly! Babo Journal](<a href=“http://shop.uglydolls.com/products/productdetail/part_number=811863179/322.0.1.1]Uglydoll”>http://shop.uglydolls.com/products/productdetail/part_number=811863179/322.0.1.1)
image is this^ but doll itself is old and not in the site.
He bought this at toy store near Cooper that went out of business since, when he was a HS soph, on my birthday knowing my fixation of uglies but me hating owing stuff for myself. So he said, as presented him in nice store done gift wrap
“you can show to (my boss’s name) and you know, use it for research?”
my boss was (animatedly) upset when he did just that, for uglies are our competitor - How dare you spent your hard earned money to benefit our rival, LOL?
like any other uglies, Babo came with tag that tells his story, which warned “not to leave him home-alone or he’d eat your cookies and steal money.”
We took it to our hearts, I sew up secret carrier to conceal from my boss of me bringing him to office everyday.
We kept at it, when we’d travel, he was great travel pillow and drafty chill blocker from the window ledges.
When he’d go away, I stashed him in his bag to keep eye on him, and used as a pillow ( in secret carrier = nonchalant /discreet muslin tote)
So
Babo have been to Tuscany, to nerd camp, to dream school’s torture session, to every college visits and holiday get together-s.
and always came back with him.
I was moved he took Babo with him to VA from where he was, but GAWD how could he leave him! the way our Babo is beating up and pilly, hotel maids might think not to report but throw away already?
He contacted the hotel and if found, will send it to me.
I said
“it’s Ok… he had a grand life. being to places, you know…”
BUT
what I was really thinking was
“where is it in VA? is it near fammom? could she go get it like redbugD’s books??”
also
I was about to break news I was holding back few weeks by now.
I killed his laptop.
It was dieing natural death, but me making him(it is a boy, and I know it) speak Japanese done hm in, the straw broke the camel’s back.
as I type, dogs owner friend is gutting out and cleaning harddrive to see if it can be revived.
loss of Babo gave me the courage and chance to tell him that, his years and years of accumulation of i-tune files might be, well, gone.
I told it as it is, we hung up phone in silence. He’ll be back on Monday.
now I am seriously thinking why should’t I just gone to VA to get Babo, if you, fammom told me yesterday.
Everything happens for reasons.
maybe new chapter for us both. me, wean from my kid who gave me so much.
him, leave pre-teen to teenage angst that is signified by his music, to be mature young adult collegiate man (…really?)
now I just wait.
got go back to TJ’s to get some meat-y stuff and bread-y food that I didn’t need while he was away. wish me luck on edamame.
lurk you soon!!</p>