<p>as the mother of a soon to be 18y/o son and one who at 16 herself had a 20y/o BF for 4 years I can attest that it is the parents of boys who sometimes should be worried about “mature” 16 y/o girls.;)</p>
<p>It depends on the people, but half plus seven is a decent rule of thumb.</p>
<p>karabear1: No, at age 26, using the rule, you could date anyone from 20 to 38 (younger than that, you’re breaking the rule, older than that, they’re breaking the rule :)).</p>
<p>When I was in high school, it was pretty common for senior boys to date 9th or 10th grade girls. Part of that dynamic was the fact that the school had been single-sex until I was in 11th grade. My class and the class below mine had a M/F ratio of about 9:1, and there were significant cultural differences between lots of the girls and the boys. The subsequent classes had many more girls, and the majority had been admitted by the school they were attending (not the merged girls’ school), so they tended to be a lot more like the boys. My senior prom date was a (very mature) 15-year-old 9th grader (who was also my best friend’s sister). </p>
<p>Anyway, I don’t recall any serious long-term damage anyone suffered on account of that. I’m sure there was parental stress. But it was a close-knit community, in general, so the boys were seldom unknown quantities to the girls’ parents, and vice versa. There was no question of impunity.</p>
<p>I PMd the OP on this topic, but I think JHS has hit on a key point: if you live in a community where the families know each other, the moms chat at the store, and so on, there is a different sense of accountability. My kids know the mom switchboard will light up like a Christmas tree if they are seen doing anything resembling impropriety. </p>
<p>I could be way wrong about this (and I’m sure you’ll tell me if I am), but I think the girl’s family having a relationship with the boy and his family creates an atmosphere of mutual respect. I’m not saying it means “nothing will happen” but that things might move at a slower pace. The OP has not said if the families are friends, but JHS brings this up as a mitigating factor for age-difference relationships in general.</p>
<p>And once girls are 18 and heading off to college, I don’t think mom’s opinion about a 21-22 year old boyfriend is going to be solicited.</p>
<p>Back home, the minimum wage for the first boyfriend/date is 18. Some parents prefer when their girls start dating when they finish college. I think that a 16 year old girl should date a 17 year old boy who is in HS but not leaning toward graduation because things might fall apart once he is gone. I would prefer it, if my little sis start dating when she is older than 16. I hope that she will not date someone who is older than the older brothers or someone who could be our dad 
or my parents’ little brother</p>
<p>Are you talking about the Demi-Aston formula? It works for them! D was not allowed to date until 16 and no older than his closest brother (15 months older than her). Now she is 23 dating a 21 years old guy :eek:
Older S dated a girl one day older than him, now they are married expecting their first baby (happy grandma here! 
)</p>
<p>My freshman daughter is dating a senior. It entirely depends on the context and the person. There are freshman boys I wouldn’t want her dating. Her boyfriend treats her well, we’ve known him a long time (long before they were dating) and I’m happy she’s had what would now be considered an old-fashioned romance as her first relationship. Too many of her peers are having random hookups (get a text message from a boy you met a party and sneak out of the house after the parents go to bed stuff).</p>
<p>I wouldn’t be comfortable with my 16yo dating anyone more than a year older than she is… and my husband is not comfortable with her dating ANYONE! ha. jk</p>
<p>when I was in high school, 9th graders attended school with 7th & 8th graders.
When I was a sophomore, I did go on a few dates with seniors- however, those boys were way more sexually experienced than I was & came on hard and fast- I was overwhelmed. </p>
<p>I think closer to their own age is better, unless as someone mentioned, it is a very small tight community & everyone knows everyone.
But in a high school of 1000 to 3000+, no .</p>
<p>I think JHS and riverrunner made good points about how the type of community you live in might be important when your kids start dating (no matter what the age difference). I know that I felt comfortable about D dating her BF because I had heard so many positive things about him. Also, I had met his family before they started dating, and his parents and I had several friends and acquaintances in common. Really, the 2 year age difference hasn’t been a big deal - except when it came to D’s curfew. I altered it a little so that if she wants to stay out past her curfew, she must call first, and she can’t be out wandering around - they have to be at someone’s house.</p>
<p>I’m going to disagree with JHS and riverrunner here based on personal experience. At 16 I dated a boy four years older in the kind of community you are talking about. The families knew each other etc. We were not having sex at any time in the relationship. However, what did end up was that the boy was a lot more serious than I was about the relationship and at a completely different point in his dating life. I ended up breaking up with him and feeling very emotionally responsible for him. It matters little about the whole sex thing…I would be way more concerned about the emotional difference and time of life difference. And don’t give me the “but the girl is mature for her age thing.” I just don’t buy it.</p>
<p>i just don’t think it’s possible to set a standard age a 16 year old girl can date.</p>
<p>Well, ebeeeee, 4 years older is a bit much when a girl is 16 and the boy is 20, no matter what type of community you live in. As you pointed out, you and your bf were at completely different points in your dating lives.</p>
<p>Mom said no dates until high school is over (that was two years ago)…how can I find a date now? All nice guys are already taken :(</p>
<p>The older I get, the more I don’t see issues like this as black and white. I’d love to see this question posted on the High School Life forum of CC, but I don’t think I’m allowed in that room. Trapper, I know you’re not in HS anymore, but maybe you can help us. By the way, there is probably an untaken “nice guy” within 100 yards of you right now who wishes someone like you would notice him…</p>
<p>Trapper I second riverrunner. Get to know guys through activities and you will have an easier time finding someone to date.</p>
<p>Trapper, there is amybe a secret admirer who is waiting for you to make the first step. They are plenty of good guys who are burried under their text books in their room but would not mind leaving the room, if a nice gal wanted to hang out with them.</p>
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<p>Certainly true for 13-year-olds, not so much difference by the end of high school.</p>
<p>He should be in high school and not because he was held back or works there.</p>
<p>Trackie, girls maturing faster is exactly why we’re on the case.</p>
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<p>Trust me, they aren’t (coming from someone who voluntarily didn’t go on a date until she was a senior in college and is now in a happy relationship). :)</p>