“My 80 year old mother just got rid of her landline today (new cable/internet package).” @twoinanddone My only concern at that age would be 911 calls and location identification which I understand to be not automatic like landlines. That’s why my 80 year old folks haven’t gotten rid of the landline. Perhaps you know a way around this?
“My kids knew I didn’t let them have or do things because their friends were doing it.”
Yes! Another one of my hard-ass parent rules was no hanging out at the mall with friends in middle school. No good was going to come from that. They could have anyone over, go to a movie, I was up for a party or group of friends at our home anytime but not the mall.
when after school events start to take them away on a bus it was time to do something given the ease of technology. We bought prepaid flip phone that they are given specifically for an event (sleepover, out of town school sports event, etc.) Got hand me down iPhones in 8th grade when DW and I upgraded but couldn’t use data until HS.
My kids also didn’t hang out at the mall. D1 was over her friend’s house in 8th grade, and the mother decided to take them to the mall. D1 asked the mother what was the purpose for going to the mall. The mother said they were to go shopping by themselves and they would meet for lunch at some point. D1 promptly told the mother that wasn’t something she was allowed to do (roaming around the mall by herself without adult supervision). D1 said she would have to call me to get my permission. The mother ended up staying with them the whole time.
Both kids first got phones when they entered middle school. They were just the free flip phones at that point. D got her first iPhone when entering high school. S got an iPhone when he entered 8th grade because the flip phone broke (not from abuse) and it didn’t seem to make sense to get him another flip phone at that point. My kids were some of the last to get smart phones among their friends.
I have implemented a graduated program.
They get a flip phone in 6th grade for calls and texts to me as needed.
At 13 they get limited text bucket to their friends (1,000 a month).
By high school they get unlimited texts and wifi capable phones, no mobile data.
My college student just got unlimited talk, text and 2 G of data so she can use google maps when away from wifi.
Mine got them in middle school when they stayed alone for a short time before and after school, and had to catch a bus. I got them so they would have a way to call me. Of course the time they locked themselves out, they both forgot their phones. Younger son got smart phone/data plan for 16th bday, but he had to pay for part of it. Older son didn’t get smart phone/data plan until first or second year of college.
If you want them to have a smart phone, but limit the apps on it, consider using an app locker to lock out undesired apps, including the one that adds and removes apps. Low cost phones and data plans can be used.
But if just basic phone and text capability is all that is needed, a cheap dumb phone and cheap prepaid plan are all that are needed.
We got my D a phone when she was in fourth grade. She wanted to ride her bike to school (we live in a small town without busing) and I realized there wasn’t a single pay-phone any where on her route. In fact, I don’t think there was a pay phone anywhere in town. It made me nervous that should something happen en-route there would be no way to call for help.
Our kids got cell phones in 8th grade. We just couldn’t justify it before then. Smart phones came later. The oldest we insisted she get a smartphone before she left for college. Middle kid got one at the same time because we were switching carriers. Youngest went through all the old dumbphones in the drawer until none of them worked any more. Not his fault, they were just really old. We then took him to the store and picked out the cheapest smartphone. It has a very small memory and can hold only a few apps. He hates it but such is life.
Our policy is, if you break it or lose it, you get to buy the next one. cell phones are awfully expensive to be treated as a toy. None of my kids had a scientific calculator survive 7th grade-worst case is when a friend gets their hands on it-kids are rough on electronics. We didn’t hand them a phone until it was reasonable to expect it might survive, and still had near misses.
i really dont care if my kid is the “last” to have something–i’m the parent of her, not the rest of them.
mine got a phone when she needed it and was responsible enough to take care of it and use it appropriately. we gave her an old flip phone around 6th grade when she was starting to broaden her world. she got an iTouch from santa after she showed she was responsible with that.
she was 16 when we got her an iphone and its worth every penny now that she is all over the place. she is extraordinarily responsible with it; in fact, she is the only one in the household that hasnt had to repair or replace it.
but YOU are the parent. only YOU can determine what works for YOUR kids.
We got my son a flip phone the summer after 5th grade because the summer before he went to overnight camp. While there, I got a text from a mom asking me if it were okay if my son used her son’s phone to call me. We figured, maybe for overnight camps and things like that, a cellphone would be useful.
That said, he never used it the summer he had the phone. We recently got him, now 12, an inexpensive smartphone on a very inexpensive phone plan.(Ting - tbh, I wanted to try out the phone plan and I could use him as a guinea pg) I limit data. He uses it only when we are out and want to separate for a while - or to text me from his room. It does not go to school with him. He really doesn’t use the phone much. It’s a device, a tool, not a toy. I’m not sure he even has many games on it.
And yes, he was likely the last kid to get a cell phone. I didn’t care.
Mine (now 20, 15, and 13) all got very simple hand-me-down flip phones or candy bar phones around 7th grade when they started staying after school for sports practices. They only used the phone to call if practice ended early or something.
The 20 yo and 15 yo both got smartphones for their birthdays right before 9th grade started. Both seemed ambivalent at the time (had expressed a desire to have one but were not begging or nagging us about it) but now use the phones for almost everything–texting, internet, reading books, taking pictures/video, etc.
The 13 yo is currently finishing 7th grade. He has been bugging us for a while now for a smart phone. We gave him a flip phone but he never brings it and ends up borrowing a friend’s phone if he needs to call. He is quite mature and I’m sure can handle the responsibility of a smart phone, but his life needs are no different from his brothers’ at that age and so I can’t see changing the existing situation.
I find it ironic that I’m reading this thread about kids being addicted to their phones on my phone. At this point I’m way more addicted than my daughter. I think she got her first cellphone in fifth grade. In her case it really was necessary because I needed to be able to reach her when she was with her very unreliable noncustodial parent. (Long story.) But there’ve been way too many lost and stolen phones over the years.
Our kid got a phone when we needed her to have a phone. Not when she wanted one.
She was in 5th grade and I was headed back to work. Her dad would arrive home about 45 minutes after she did so I needed her to be able to text me when she was home. I worked in family practice at the time and wanted to feel that subtle text alert/vibration in my lab coat pocket rather than be interrupted with a phone call. So we got her a phone that could text and call only. She did not need a data plan, an iphone and the internet.
We got her an iPhone in 7th grade and even then it was a hand-me-down.
The kids need a cell phone when they are spending time without adults and need lots of transportation coordination. Best to start with a phone that can text only if at all possible. Or can use a smartphone with no data plan, and Internet only with wifi
I believe that in today’s world in an area like mine kids need to be able to text friends on phones at the same age my generation would have used a land line to call friends and make plans. Probably 4th or 5 th grade. And they need to be able to send and receive group texts by the middle school years. Otherwise they are outliers for normal social interaction. Anything else would have been like my parents telling me I couldn’t call friends which they never would have done.
We got D17 an iPhone on our family plan when she started HS because the school is in the next town over and she suddenly had a lot more activities to coordinate.
It’s my younger D who’s in 5th grade who is trickier. She’s got an iPod Touch so she can have all the “hot” apps and games and not feel left out. We can text via iMessage (it’s very easy to get a cable company wifi signal in this area), she can Skype her grandmother and other friends who don’t have iMessage/FaceTime, and that seems to satisfy her. (Well, she does have her own gaming laptop because she’s a bit of a tech nut, and that gets her some envy from classmates haha, so I don’t think she feels too pressed about not having a phone!)
D16 is the last of her classmates to get an iPhone and that won’t appear for another 3 weeks when she graduates. She has an iPod and a flip phone that has been enough.
For our kids, S05 got a flip when he started driving and an iPhone in college, D12 got a flip the spring of 8th grade, because the swim coach let them out of practice with a 2 hour window and I refused to wait that long when we lived 8 minutes from the pool, and an iPhone when she started college. D16 got a flip at the end of 8th grade. S07 has autism and he had a track phone for many years for emergencies. He got an iPhone 2 years ago and loves it.
The older sibs want the same rules for D16 as we had for them and I’ve done pretty well upholding them. I will say that none of the dentkids are as addicted to their phones as their friends are.
What do people mean when they say kids are addicted to their cell phones? Does that mean they are texting all the time or checking facebook? What does addicted to cell phone look like?
My two oldest got cellphones when they began traveling across the country to visit colleges without an adult. So, 11th grade for one, and 12th for the other.
They were without a doubt the only kids in their classes (private) not to have cellphones. As @doschicos said, my kids were never in a position where they were unsupervised, so I saw no reason to rush into anything. I made it through by reaching out to the next person if there was a need, and so, too, could they.
Recently, my 12th grader commented to me that she supposes she is a “little” different from her friends regarding social media and that intense addiction they can all have because she did not have a cellphone until just about now.
We also play board games at my house, though less and less this second half of the year.
Question for the commenter way up-thread: What would a ‘101’ be?