<p>What!!! they were having sex when she was 11 or 12 she was pregnant when she was 13, and married when she was 14</p>
<p>So you think its okay for a 21 year old to have sex with an 11 or 12 year old and that marriage is a good idea</p>
<p>I have heard it all</p>
<p>ADOPTION!!!</p>
<p>Jerry Lee Lewis was a jerk and Loretta Lynn, now that was a match made in heaven</p>
<p>And to legitimize an infant, what does that mean, an infant is not legitimate? What?</p>
<p>The father is a jerk any MAN having sex with a 12 year old has some serious issues</p>
<p>As is any woman having sex with a 12 year old is a jerk</p>
<p>Prosecuting shows that having sex with a 12 year old when you are 21 is against the law…period</p>
<p>And Calmom, I guess that is okay with you.</p>
<p>A two parent home…imagine a teen who is still (hopefully) in high school dating a guy who had relations with his child girlfriend in his parents basement</p>
<p>Any 18 year dating a 13 year old has serious maturity issues, and the rare one that doesn’t, well, it is still so wrong…</p>
<p>It is amazing that some people think a 21 year having sex with a 11-12 year old is okay wow</p>
<p>citygirlsmom: I think that in the American DEGENERATE culture it is not ok for an 18 yr old to date a 13 year old or for a 27 year old to date an 18 year old but if you look at healthier sexual cultures I think it’s fine. Both my grandparents were 11 years older than my grandmothers…in my culture it is perfectly acceptable for a 27 yr old to date an 18 yr old…usually no sex is involved until marriage, anykind of kissing doesn’t usually happen for a few months. The dates are usually chaperoned by an older sibling or friend…the man visits the girl at her house most days and spends a significant amount of time with the family as the family is an extremely important part of one’s life unlike in the US when your parents get old and you just put them in a home. Also the man is seen as a provider and women usually want to marry someone already established (even if the woman is still a student in college she wants to be with someone older and more stable). In addition, the man shows much more respect for women, they are not objectified as they are here in the states, the man serenades the woman, courts her, & shows an extremely high level of respect for her and her family (you never refer to her parents by their first names even when you’re married you always for the rest of your life refer to the parents as Mr. & Mrs. ____). Many times the men are friends of older brothers or business associates of the father and they are introduced to the daughter through the family. Personally I see nothing wrong with this situation. However, in the DEGENERATE country known as the United States I see this as wrong.</p>
<p>Citygirlsmom, the article you cited doesn’t say they were having sex when the girl was 11. It says that the parents couldn’t remember whether they started having sex when she was 12 or 13 - which most likely means that they started around the time of the girl’s 13th birthday, give or take a few weeks, given the way that memories work. While I don’t particularly approve of 13 year old girls having sex, it’s common enough around here that it certainly doesn’t shock me. </p>
<p>But the main point is that the article says
It then goes on to say that researchers estimate that 100,000 teenage girls are having sex with men at least 6 years older. </p>
<p>And you want to make a scapegoat of this kid, in a situation where the families have come together to try to rectify things for the sake of the future of the infant that was conceived. The marriage in Kansas took place with the consent of parents on both sides, AND with a legal determination by a judge after some inquiry that it was in the best interest of the minor under the circumstances. The only message that anyone will take from the prosecution in this case is that pregnant teenagers should keep quiet about who the father is, so as to avoid getting their lovers in trouble. </p>
<p>I didn’t say it was “ok” with me. I said that I think the law is overreaching to charge this guy under the present circumstances, where he has married the girl - and where obviously neither the girl nor her parents is interested in pressing or pursuing charges. </p>
<p>The one you are punishing at this point is the newborn infant - who at this point has a married mother and father living together in his grandmother’s home. Hopefully whoever adjucates this case will have better sense than to tear this family apart at this point.</p>
<p>The laws are on the books for good reasons, but there are cases where prosecution is appropriate, and cases where the equities point the other way.</p>
<p>“the laws are on the books for good reasons” - I think that’s debatable, as laws are often overturned for good reasons. In this instance though, in his parents’ basement in Nebraska, what he has done is a crime. Prosecuting and punishing are two different things. He can be found guilty and not imprisoned - maybe required to attend therapy sessions, get a job, support his child and the child’s mother. Isn’t this baby a girl? In a dozen years or so, this family had better be paying attention.</p>
<p>The kids themselves have said they can’t remember- and wow the difference between 11 and 12 is stiking</p>
<p>So he married the GIRL…</p>
<p>And this is not a family, this is an adult male with a child bride call it what it is</p>
<p>And when you said the words “legitimize” the baby, that tells me a lot.</p>
<p>No baby is not legitimate.</p>
<p>Prosecuting is warranted. He was a pedophile. The girl was 12. She was in 7th grade. Do you have a daughter? Do you remember her is 7th grade? No look at the 21 year old men out there.</p>
<p>SO when should a guy get charged? Lets say they divorce in two years, which is very likely when you look at the survival rate of teen marriages, is he off the hook?</p>
<p>Did you read that mom tried to get the man away from her daughter, but he and the girl didn’t obey the restraining order</p>
<p>The grandparents allowed statutory rape to occur…said they “checked” to see if anything was going on, the child was sleeping over on weekends…she was 12 in a grown man’s room overnight over and over again</p>
<p>It wasn’t a one or few time event, it was over a couple of years and what about parental responsibilty?</p>
<p>Do the words :no you cannot sleep in your adult boyfriends room over night: ever leave the lips of those parents?</p>
<p>But instead, those grandparents just condoned what was going on. And the man was warned by his own mother, yet he didn’t stop. So its not like a suprise he was charged. You speak of the grandmother like its a good thing. She was too lazy to even bring her own child home from an adult males bed. </p>
<p>And look to the parents, the minimum the mom should have done was take her daughter to get birth control, what did she think was happening overnight in that basement room? And, if the child wanted to hang out, fine, get her at 10pm and bring her home to her bed. Was that too much trouble? </p>
<p>And I still want to know how to “legitimatize” a baby…</p>
<p>“where the families have come together to try to rectify things for the sake of the future of the infant that was conceived”</p>
<p>Those grandparents helped create the situation they are trying to rectify…its one thing if suddenly your child becomes pregnant and you had no idea she was sexually active, but these parents knew and yet, well, it was a-okay with them</p>
<p>For those grandparents who showed such little concern and effort for their child to be seen as trying to fix the situation now, is hypocritical</p>
<p>And of course the parents don’t want to press charges, it would bring up that they allowed the relationship to continue over a couple of years and basically gave the couple a place to have sex, in their home, while they were home- pressing charges would mean having to admit they were bad parents themselves</p>
<p>lefthandofdog - the father (a) has a job - he’s a loading-dock worker, and (b) married the mother, which carries with it an obligation of supporting both his wife and child. So a criminal conviction with a court order get a job, support his child and the child’s mother" is superfluous. Court-ordered therapy will look good on paper - but the reality is that few people benefit from counseling unless they want to be there. What the conviction will do, though, is leave the father with a felony record as a sex offender and guarantee that he will probably never get a better job.</p>
<p>While all of the other men who are having sex with teens who didn’t get caught and simply ran out when the girls got pregnant go happily about their ways.</p>
<p>calmom, what about the child’s parents, have they no responsibility for creating this mess</p>
<p>And I amsorry, but I don['t think a man that had sex with a child should be a dad, if he thought sex with a 12 year old was okay, what kind of father to a little girl will he be
You keep talking about how he stood by her, well, that does not impress me</p>
<p>He impregnated a child and somehow we are supposed to be grateful he is still around?</p>
<p>His wife is 14, he started having sex with her when she was 12. Her parents allowed it</p>
<p>You have no comments about that, and yet we are to be happy a pedophile hung around?</p>
<p>That baby deserves to be with a family that will actually take the time to parent, it was too much bother to get a grown man away from their little girl</p>
<p>But so long as the offended stays around, all is well, I guess</p>
<p>The laws vary from state to state and I have no idea of specific provisions of Nebraska or Kansas law concerning inheritance and presumptions related to children born in and out of wedlock. However, this is one of those things that transcends issues of child-support, continuing on into adulthood and which can carry down multiple generations.</p>
<p>For what its worth, that’s one of the issues raised in the debate over gay marriage – assuming for purposes of argument that gay marriage continues to be legal in Massachussetts, a child born to a partner in a gay/lesbian marriage will acquire legal rights at birth in respect to the non-biologically related parent that would not be available to a child born to a pair of gay/lesbian partners who are unmarried. The notion of legitimacy creates a legal presumption that the child is the offspring of both parents, whether or not there is a true biological relationship. If in fact it turns out later that the 13 year old in Nebraska was sleeping around with many guys and a paternity test show that Koso is not the biological father, the fact that he was legally married to the mother at time of birth leaves him on the hook for child support, even if he later divorces the mom.</p>
<p>I understand the legal issues with gay/lesbian couple, we just had a big case here in California, I watched the State Supreme Court arguments on tv…fine, but with regards to this case:</p>
<p>Okay, lets look at the Kansas case, you still think its a good idea for a man who had sex and impregnated a 12/13 year old, a child, to be the daddy of their little girl, that it is a good idea that a pedophile who is around is better than a sperm doner who is not…</p>
<p>The legal reasons for getting married do not outway the problems with having a dad who thinks sex with children is okay, as did the baby’s grand parents</p>
<p>If it was me, that “man” would be as far away from my child as possible, and I wish a social worker would step in and talk to the grandparents who allowed this to happen in their own home</p>
<p>And I am sure there are ways to have the “father” legally responsbile financially without having to have a man and a child get married, if not, then Kansas and Nebraska have some serious issues.</p>
<p>And isn’t it cute how we call them grandparents…like its a good think they let this happen…that are not grandparents, maybe by name, but not in spirit or morally, to be a grand parent, they should have been parents.</p>
<p>My comment to you CGM is that you are obviously unable to discuss this topic rationally. You can’t even stick to the facts – sex at age 13 isn’t outrageous enough even for you apparently, so you tried to morph it to age 11, and when that didn’t work you now are acting as if it is proven fact that it started at 12.</p>
<p>You seem to think that you have been appointed the world’s arbiter on morality on this one. I agree with the comments of Bern700 - the world has some very differing cultural standards on what is the appropriate age for marriage. </p>
<p>I personally find it absolutely morally outrageous that you would advocate removing a child from a family without evidence of abuse or neglect. Maybe my view is colored by the fact that I grew up in a southern state where I saw girls leave high school at age 15 to marry. I’m not saying it was right, but it sure as hell was common. </p>
<p>But what I am really sick and tired of is this 21st century hypocritical puritanical moralizing – in which we claim to be worried about protecting the chastity of young teenage girls at the same time as we bombard them from infancy with sexualized images through advertising and pop culture. Very big on assessing blame and villifying male offenders for life. </p>
<p>Funny that in another thread, age 22 is seen as too young to manage the bureaucratic ins and outs of class registration without helicoptering parental supervision and intervention, but in Nebraska a 22 year old who was in special ed all his life is now portrayed as the big villainous child molester because he thinks he fell in love with a 13 year old. And, of course, the real “crime” that started the thread is not the very old news that a lot of young teenage girls are having sex with guys in their 20s – but your outrage at the fact that the kids were allowed to get married in the state of Kansas. (Look at the title you created - its not about the sex act you imagine took place at age 11 - it’s “Age limit for marriage:Kansas”)</p>
<p>I cannot imagine having stated the case with more compassion or wisdom. </p>
<p>Thanks for your posts; I came away with a new and deeper perspective on this delicate and complicated issue.</p>
<p>Its also nice to see someone argue for the merits of the mother, father child relationship, even an imperfect one, rather than for the dogma of their own outrage. </p>