<p>It will be interesting if the swede still doesn’t have a new girlfriend by Christmas now that they are apart.
So if he comes here, are you going to let them stay in the same room in your house? Is that legal in the US with the age difference?</p>
<p>I think they will be fine . My H looked into the age difference . I am not in support of the relationship ,but I am not going to get in the way of hers . I am secretly hoping one of them meets someone else . The boy’s father is American , so I am not worried he is using her in some way . Xmas is still a long time away , and he has a refundable to come here .</p>
<p>
who was that shot directed at, JHS? Who is “her”? Dr. Laura? Did she post here? I think all of us who said that we would not fund a teenager’s choice to drop out of college and galavant to Europe to take up with a 16 yr old bf took justifiable offense at your post #21. I rarely disagree with you. Post #21 surprised me.</p>
<p>I don’t know but this whole think seems so strangly bizarre to me. Your daughter is at Harvard and has a boyfriend who is very young living in another country. Your daughter is considering dropping out of Harvard to go live with or near this little boy. I wouldn’t fund a penny for any of this, including a visit or anything else. It has nothing to do with holding the purse strings as much as it has to do with it just not seeming like a mature or reasonable idea. There is more to this story and that is what you should concern yourself with finding out. You said your daughter is lonely and does not seem to be enjoying college and that kind of says something right there. How long has your daughter who must be very bright been making these odd decisions?</p>
<p>Funny that it seems to be all the moms here that are towing the “no way-no pay” line. </p>
<p>If my kid had a very sound, well-reasoned plan to take perhaps a semester or year off to explore something else (hopefully something that involved work or distance learning or something) even if it was in part because of a honey in the mix, I would listen to the plan. However, I’d probably encourage the thought of a semester abroad in that area if a good program existed, which if it was a sound study abroad program, I would fund, even with the understanding that the location was selected for a reason. </p>
<p>OP did not say if dau was planning to complete this academic year or not, or is school was being interrupted to pursue the time with the scandanavian honey. If she isnt adjusting to college, thats a different issue entirely. If so, I still wouldnt support leaving to go hang with the bf overseas. She going to move in with his family? That would be peculiar, IMO.</p>
<p>Don’t remember how they met- was he in US with a study abroad program or was the D in Sweden?</p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/1178072-dating-younger-men.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/1178072-dating-younger-men.html</a> looks like she was there this summer.</p>
<p>*I wouldn’t fund a penny for any of this, including a visit or anything else. *</p>
<p>That reminds me that I wouldn’t let D2 have the car to visit (and spend a weekend with) a college boyfriend who was staying on campus last summer. Or pay her bus fare to visit (overnight) the next one in a not-too-far state. Uh-uh. </p>
<p>I don’t consider this “(getting) in the way of her relationship.” When she’s entirely on her own two feet, I won’t have such influence. It’s not about using money to stop her. It’s about not using our money to, in effect, promote it or underwrite it. Likewise, if she wanted to go home with a bf over a break, I would expect her to fund it. We aren’t conservative; we just think we’re rational. We know what goes on on campus.
…
Adding: If he is “the one,” the relationship will survive her completing her education. Or, her waiting for him to start school here. If this is about running away or running to something better than her college days, she needs someone to help her think through that and make the best decisions.</p>
<p>Faux-Have you visited your D at Harvard to see for yourself what her days (and nights) are like? Perhaps this would give you a clearer indication of what is missing in her life and how she could go about improving her life in Cambridge before taking off for Sweden. After all, none of us knows your d like you do!</p>
<p>Another thought…as a parent, I would ask my student to finish the academic year…then apply for a leave of absence. </p>
<p>Please…no PMs about this. I would prefer to hear comments front channel only.</p>
<p>
Exactly. There seem to be some more basic root issues. Hopefully there’ll be a plan to figure out what they are and address them.</p>
<p>We visited last weekend . D hasn’t attempted to make any new friends at current residence . Thankfully , she is enjoying her courses . Had some earlier health concerns which I discussed with staff . They are adding more vegan choices to the daily menu . Turns out she wasn’t enjoying a few volunteer commitments , and I told her not to renew , to just say no . She enjoys dance , so I told her to add another dance class instead NEXT SEMESTER . We want her to stay , and try to reach out within her house for activities . We want her to connect with people in her residence . She has been to Sweden 2 times as a farm volunteer . That’s where they met . He has never been to the US , which is why my D invited him . Today I stressed again how the college years are short , and she is so lucky to be at a wonderful school . I told her to focus on the NOW as the years will fly by . We are now talking several times a day . Hopefully , this will stop after some time .</p>
<p>I think this is fiction. Entertaining fiction. I hope it is.</p>
<p>jym, I’m sorry if you took offense, too. As I said above, it’s not like I would be in favor of funding my kid to leave college and gallivant off to Europe chasing her jailbait summer fling, either, exactly. My attitude is a lot like yours: If there was some rational plan that seemed to lead somewhere in terms of education or personal growth, I would probably support it, even if, as you put it, there was a honey in the mix somewhere. After all, if I supported something that involved no honey at all, there could be a honey in the mix somewhere 15 minutes after she arrived.</p>
<p>On the other hand, I suspect there are real differences between me and Dr. Laura, or me and lookingforward who is proud of not letting her daughter use a family car to visit her boyfriend. I wouldn’t be proud of that. I hope it works out for lookingforward, but I think that’s asking for long-term trouble in her relationship with her grown child. To me, it’s problematic to say, “I would be willing to lend you the car to visit a friend, but I won’t let you borrow it if I think you are going to have sex with the friend.” It’s not my attitude, and at the end of the day I think it’s a harmful attitude, not merely a matter of taste, which is why I responded badly to the original euphemistic Dr. Laura catchphrase. I understand that people I respect might disagree that it’s harmful, though.</p>
<p>Remember, I see this through several lenses: A cousin who left for a semester abroad and didn’t come back for 30 years, really – initially because of a boy, and sex – and the experience of, in the end, wanting to maintain a good relationship with someone you love who has done things you think are stupid. A young woman I respect who started one of these incomprehensible flings with a younger, foreign boy . . . and who kept it up for five years, through college for her. (See the other thread.) It didn’t derail her, although it certainly bent her trajectory some. Her parents gritted their teeth and put up with it, certainly putting up with lots of cross-visiting (to avoid drop-out issues), and I think they have a much better relationship with their daughter today because of that.</p>
<p>I don’t think so, sewhappy.</p>
<p>D’s last trip was fully paid for by a grant , as she is researching sustainable agriculture . First trip she paid with her own babysitting funds .</p>
<p>Have you considered that her current school, no matter how wonderful, just isn’t the right fit. Perhaps if the jump to Sweden weren’t an option/draw, she would be considering a transfer. This may not be your first choice, however she would be continuing her education and possibly be happier on a day to day basis. It sounds like she hasn’t found her tribe yet. As a second year student, it may be the school, not the student. No school is perfect for all students, not even Harvard.</p>
<p>I personally do NOT think the funding for her previous trips has ANY bearing on a future trip.</p>
<p>Ok, put me in with the “cut off the funds” group. However, I think faux is giving a very mixed message to her daughter. Allowing a boy to stay in your daughter’s room? Would you allow that for a college boyfriend that comes for a visit? I think you need to set boundaries within the house, or better yet - suggest that a boy gets a hotel room. I also think you are overlooking your very natural comrades-in-arms, the boys parents. Give them a call, write them a letter. Explain that a relationship which makes a person leave college to live an fairy-tale life in another country is unhealthy, etc. I wonder if they feel the same way about your daughter as you do about your son. Presumably they were the ones that paid for the refundable ticket. Perhaps they can extend that ticket to the summer. If he is 16/17 , he must be taking exams getting ready for college. A trip would be very distracting;) . Stay firm</p>
<p>The first thought I had in reading this was what happened to feminism? Why run off for a young boy in another land? If he is that interested in her, he can wait for her to finish her education. She should know that. If he can’t wait, well it is not meant to be. If she can’t wait, I suggest watching a few episodes of “teen mom” to see how much fun it is to give up school and how badly some people can arrange things.</p>
<p>The second thought I had was along the lines of the great Harvard admissions machine really screwed up here. I don’t know enough of your story, so I don’t know if she is a freshman or sophomore, but it sounds like it is not a good fit to me. I can understand why people would want to make it work, but I think if the kid is not happy that this is getting sucked into getting a prestigious degree. Of course there is no requirement to be happy in college.</p>
<p>The third thought I had was something like doesn’t everyone just love Harvard? I thought that it was a place that really worked to keep people there. (A former poster on these boards used to rave on and on about this type of thing at Harvard.) </p>
<p>Anyway, my sympathies to you OP, because I would be very upset too. Sometimes it is better to try to prevent a big mistake.</p>