<p>How long does he have? I had a friend who was in jail for five months and never was put in general population. </p>
<p>I would try Alanon. While it’s not the same thing exactly, i am sure it can help, as many in alanon have family members with legal issues and jail etc. </p>
<p>Human rights watch has a list of several programs. Newarksuccess.org has resources as well.</p>
<p>Good luck. Breath. And take care.</p>
<p>Probably 3 years or so. Less than 1 year is usually served in a jail More than a year is in a prison. At least in NJ, all the sex offenders have their own jail-Rahway. Rahway is one of the worst prisons in America. At least I don’t have to worry about him going there!</p>
<p>I cannot imagine what you are going through. You sound like such a strong person. I am not sure I could be so strong. </p>
<p>DH has a cousin whose DH went to Federal prison for 5 years on a mail fraud charge. They kept everything so quiet and to this day no one speaks of it. His wife (who is our neighbor) was left with a financial mess and no skills to even support herself. Their daughter was devastated and only just this past spring married her fiancee of 10 years because she was waiting for her father (apparently they had seized his assets and even raided their house for evidence at least 2 years prior to his sentence). We never knew any of it was going on, his cousin’s own brother had no idea even. They came the day before the husband left to break the news.</p>
<p>We all knew of course, after awhile. But what happened to his wife was just awful. She was once such an outgoing person but became a hermit (only going out to work once she did find a job as a housekeeper at a nursing home). To this day she is changed. I think it is fantastic you are talking about it, whether virtually or IRL. Keeping it all in is just too much for a person to handle.</p>
<p>I hope your son knows that he can turn things around because he certainly can. He is still young and has his whole life ahead of him. I will continue to pray for both of you.</p>
<p>A well-known member of my community who my husband and I have known for years, with kids the same age as mine, was caught stealing from a non-profit he headed and was set to be indicted 10 days ago. He committed suicide the night before.</p>
<p>It’s so important to keep hope and supporting each other.</p>
<p>
Why won’t he go to college, zoosermom?</p>
<p>He can’t now qualify for any federal aid, including loans, and the family can’t afford to pay that much. His legal fees wiped them out. It’s such a shame.</p>
<p>When I was in my twenties I knew a young man who was convicted of securities fraud and was sentenced to a federal institution. If I remember correctly it was less than three years before he was released. He came out and started down a different life path and last I heard was married, had children and a great life. I’m assuming your son is young and can have another change at hid adulthood. My thoughts are with your family.</p>
<p>fauxmaven, I have nothing useful to add… I am just sending you hugs. The only advice I can offer is that which applies whenever times are rough…just one minute, one hour, one day at a time.</p>
<p>Fauxmaven- Another sending hugs. Please take care of yourself. You are no good to anyone if you are sick. I know it is hard but try to do something that is just for you.</p>
<p>I know several people who have children who are in prison. You are right that it is not something that people talk about.
One whose S has a severe mental illness joined a group that advocates for better medical care for mentally ill inmates. She has found support in the mental health arena.
Another through Al Anon.
I also know through others of several of my peers who had gone to prison for white collar crimes in their younger years and now are successful law abiding members of the community. It doesn’t have to be the end of his life. The big thing in my opinion is that it will be up to your S to decide what he wants to do with his life. You can love him but the choices he makes are his own.
I think there are ways around the financial aid issue for college students. I am not clear of the details but I think if the young person has participated in certain programs they can still qualify for aid.</p>
<p>Before I retired, I worked for years in social services where probably a majority of my colleagues had an alcoholism/drug addiction background, and many had served time. Many of them went on to earn masters degrees and doctorates, and spent the rest of their lives giving back to their communities. This may not be the common experience, but it is not uncommon either. One, who was homeless and once incarcerated, went on to hold a very high (cabinet) position in state government. </p>
<p>Just to say - look forward, not backwards. There may be many good days ahead. I will hold your family in the Light.</p>
<p>(Oh, and per the other thread: many of them had tatoos and some interesting piercings, which went really well with dark striped suits. ;))</p>
<p>fauxmaven, to add to what mini said, here is an article from my local paper:</p>
<p>[Former</a> bank robber in 2nd year at UW law school | Local News | The Seattle Times](<a href=“http://seattletimes.com/html/localnews/2019281806_hopwood28m.html?syndication=rss]Former”>http://seattletimes.com/html/localnews/2019281806_hopwood28m.html?syndication=rss)</p>
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<p>Please take care of yourself.</p>
<p>I am sending you and your son huge prayers. Sometimes God gives his bravest soldiers the toughest battles. You are NOT alone. No matter how bad things seem now, just remember they could always, always be worse. Good for you for reaching out.</p>
<p>My suggestion is that you both set goals and focus on what positive things the future will hold with hard work and a good attitude.</p>
<p>Hugs…</p>
<p>If your S is at all religious, I would urge you to suggest that he get involved in the prison ministry. The chaplains have seen everything. Most are great people and they are a lifeline for people inside.</p>
<p>So sorry to hear your news, Fauxmaven…</p>
<p>A friend’s S got mixed up with the wrong crowd in HS and did time. Prison time soon after HS. She said one of the harder things about it was not knowing ‘the rules’ of having a prisoner in your family. He wants a radio, you buy a radio for him. It is refused as all radios need to have transparent cases, to discourage smuggling. Who knew? There were many rules. Don’t change the channel in the waiting room for visits. Again, who knew? And informing family of a transgression in the visiting prison rules is not always done gently and kindly. </p>
<p>She said someone need to write a Dummies Guide for prison families. Now I’d imagine some of this varies state to state, so your experience may differ. </p>
<p>The good side of the story, is that this young man finished many credits of community college while doing time, and is continuing his education, doing quite well these days.</p>
<p>I certainly hope for minimum security, and a place that can be a growing environment for your S. Awaiting that placement has got to be crazy making. Take good care of yourself during this hard time. The attorney must know other folks in the same situation. Can you ask him or her?</p>
<p>I am so sorry for your family. This is tough. I do know a number of families who have had a child in prison, though. It is not uncommon- even in the middle classes. It is easy to make a mistake these days, whether it be selling drugs, stealing from an employer or something else. I hope you and your son can be strong and take one day at a time. I hope you can find some local support. I went through a lot with my son when he was a younger teen and support was crucial.</p>
<p>Sending you strength! Hang in there. One day at a time.</p>
<p>Sending you hugs, fauxmaven. I don’t have any advice to offer, but I want to let you know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Mothers feel their kids’ pain so deeply … I know this really hurts you. Your S is young, and he can move past this (Tim Allen certainly went on to great things after prison). I know your family will continue to be there to support him and help him through.</p>
<p>Once you know where he is going to be, you can go online and send him tpackages thru pre approved websites.</p>
<p>“People that knew me before prison they shake their heads,” said Hopwood, now in his second year of law school. "They shake their heads over me writing."</p>
<p>I like this quote.
From the link to the article BB posted.
Take care of yourself.</p>