<p>I have been very distracted for some time, but my son has given me permission to share this thread. Does anyone have a child in prison? I have a son who committed a white collar felony and is out on bail now(a LOT of bail!) .He will be going to prison in the next few months. I visited him often when he was in jail before we bailed him out. For those of you who go back with me, this is not the first time he has had trouble like this. Please don’t mention prior trouble in this thread! Between my health issues and this, I have had a tough year. I love my son very much, and he has done all the things his attorney has asked him to do. He has a job, and is in counseling. It has been uncomfortable with his siblings ,but they are supportive .I have put it out in my community that I want to meet anyone who is in a similar position, and I recently connected with someone in a similar situation. We are meeting next week. I am unable to find any support groups . I hope I can find support through this thread.</p>
<p>Oh, fauxmaven, my heart goes out to yo!. My son was in jail one night for Occupying Wall St and has had minor drug offenses (pot) and even that worries me, so I can’t imagine what you are going through, I can just offer my sympathies.</p>
<p>Thanks- I really need support now.</p>
<p>Hugs, faux - I feel so bad for you. Right now you need to hang on to the things that are true. S is alive, physically whole, getting back on the right track. Sometime after all this is past, life will go on and there will be the usual things for him - marriage, children, jobs, homes. In the meantime, do everything you can to reduce the stress in YOUR life, so you can continue to be here for him and his siblings. :)</p>
<p>Are you saying he was in jail before and now is in jail in your hometown? Without going into details, is this new crime similar to the first one? I would imagine you must be wondering if he learned anything the first time! It must be horrible to want to support him and also want to knock some sense into him.</p>
<p>I am sorry you are going through this.</p>
<p>Fauxmaven, I am so sorry you are going through this. God bless you.</p>
<p>My husband’s nephew was released from jail two weeks ago. He did hard time for drug-related crimes. Came from a nice middle class family but somehowwent wrong. He will now never go to college and his second chance won’t be much of a chance at all. However, his parents stood by him and he knows it and their relationship is very close now. And he is also clean. So those are positive aspects of the family’s miserable situation.</p>
<p>Just give yourself permission to love your son no matter what and appreciate that you do have him to love. Good luck.</p>
<p>Faux, when our children are in trouble, our own world collapses. So I understand the anguish and send my best.</p>
<p>Fauxmaven, hugs. A dear friend had to bail out their kid out of jail. It is heartbreaking.</p>
<p>Yes, the silver lining is his living at home now and being around more than he has in awhile. Last night, my husband gave up his subscription ticket, so I could take my son to " A Chorus Line " which he really didn’t know anything about. We are compiling a lot of wonderful memories now! He is so helpful with chores and raking…I will miss it!</p>
<p>I have a man in my congregation who is in prison for the rest of his life (first degree murder of a man who was abusing this man’s sister). He has thrived in the prison environment. Got a college degree with his family’s help and now teaches employable skills to prisoners who will be getting out. Decided that this is where life has taken him, and he needs to do the best he can where he is.</p>
<p>There is hope that your son can get a fresh start after his imprisonment. There are employers who are willing to work with excons, and many cities near prisons have programs to help people getting out find work.</p>
<p>Try to let go of the what might have beens. It is what it is, and all you and he can do now is to move forward. Best to be supportive but not pitying: pity will only run the risk of helping him accept responsibility to change his life around. Meeting other parents and getting into a support group is the best thing that you can do for yourself.</p>
<p>Except that there are no support groups! Apparently women like me don’t share this kind of thing . Private therapy is not what I am seeking- I wish to find other women like myself as I enjoy group type therapy.</p>
<p>You’ve looked here? <a href=“http://static.nicic.gov/Library/014779.pdf[/url]”>http://static.nicic.gov/Library/014779.pdf</a></p>
<p>Many of those groups are intended to support children of prisoners, but I’d bet they could hook you up with other parents, too.</p>
<p>There are online support groups like dailystrength - which has support groups for a bunch of things. There’s the Mothers of Incarcerated Sons Society. Etc.</p>
<p>I don’t know what you - or he - knows about the prison system. I assume you know where he’ll be and what level that is. I mention this because you can research and learn about that level security facility. Knowing generally helps. I’ve been in a number of prisons - as a lawyer - and they vary wildly.</p>
<p>I called and left a message for 1 organization that might have something. NJ doesn’t have much. Thank you.</p>
<p>I have learned a lot about the NJ prison system. It feels like a warped way of looking at colleges, except we don’t get to pick where he will end up! I hope they consider where we live in relation to where he is placed, but I know its also a matter of which prison has availability at the time he goes. The really SCARY part is the 2 weeks he will spend at CRAF ,while he awaits placement. EVERYBODY is processed through this place before they are assigned . The serial killers are together with small time crooks. Knowing I can’t talk to him for the time he awaits his transfer is the worst part. I know they evaluate him and hopefully he will be at a low security place as he is a first timer. His goal is to be at a farm, as he likes outdoor time. The worst places are where there is nothing to do , and people like to make trouble to make excitement!</p>
<p>Fauxmaven, I am so sorry for you and your family. Have you tried looking for books to help? I am not a group therapy kind of person but have sometimes found books to help me get through things. Your son is lucky you are standing by him and being supportive. I know when my kids are having issues it’s sometimes more difficult for me than for them, and it sounds like you may be the same.</p>
<p>I have a close friend who pleaded guilty to a white collar crime and spent six months in prison and another five after that in house arrest with an ankle bracelet. He was older than your son – in his late 40s at the time, married, with children. It was very, very traumatic, as you can imagine, but he came through it and has really thrived afterwards. The whole experience strengthened his marriage, and for his younger daughter it contributed to her maturation process very significantly. I am certain none of them would recommend the whole process to anyone, but I am also certain that they are better people today, and just as, if not more, successful, than they were when the criminal procedure started.</p>
<p>JHS- I should be so lucky!</p>
<p>fauxmaven - just wanted to send a hug your way. I think a lot of us realize that any one of us could be in the same situation. Good people make mistakes but know that they can also recover from those mistakes and go on to have good lives. Will keep you in my thoughts.</p>
<p>Fauxmaven, thinking of you. I have no experience to help you, but I am sure many CC’ers do. We are good that way. God bless.</p>