<p>After a young woman had been dating with a young man for a little bit over a month, she said to him that “it is likely that my parents would like you.” She then listed 3 or 4 very clear reasons why she believes her parents would like him.</p>
<p>However, when discussing whether they want to continue their relationship after the holiday, what she said to him was as vague as it could be: I really do not know what I want.</p>
<p>She does not explicitly reject him and she even sent a text message that she misses him and her life on campus without him is very different. Overall speaking, the signal she has sent out is very unclear. He left the campus earlier than she did because they were in different programs.</p>
<p>She knows what her parents want for her. But she does not know what she wants. She seems to be quite close to at least one of her parents. And both have been beyond the college age, so it is not a “puppy love” as in high school.</p>
<p>It is very confusing. Any idea about what is going on here? Does he still have the chance?</p>
<p>Her “ex” would apply to the same graduate school next year. (likely applying now.) It is suspected that her hesitation for the new relationship may have something to do with this. She only brought up the “I do not know what I want” point after she had gone back to her hometown for Thanksgiving holiday. Her parents likely do not know about this new relationship (she won’t let them know) but likely know the existence of her ex.</p>
<p>One month is rather a short time. Give the relationship time and see what happens. Keep an open mind. The woman is being honest, that she’s not sure what she thinks yet but her parents would like to meet the young man. See how things are after winter break. Enjoy the holidays.</p>
It is not exactly like this. She thinks her parents would like a BF like him. (One somewhat funny reason she mentioned her parents would like him is that he, being religiously conservative, would mostly want the emotional part of the relationship, and would not “rush” her and her parents would like their non-physical relationship.)</p>
<p>But she would not allow him to meet her parents yet. Even when her parents visited her and her dorm room is on the same floor, she requested him to be not seen by her parents (i.e., to “hide”.) I guess she thinks it is not ready for this yet, or he has not earned the privilege of meeting her parents yet.</p>
<p>mcat - It seems this is a subject that in one form or another has been really prominent for you for weeks (gifts, dating, non-dating, etc). How old is your son? 24/25yo? In med school, right? At this point your son is really capable of working these things out himself. This is a girl he’s been seeing (or not) for a month, and you’ve been posting here about it almost as long on several threads. Perhaps it’s time to step back and let your adult son worry (or not) about such a short relationship. I don’t think my 22yo would appreciate his dad being this interested in his dating life.</p>
<p>This is not healthy. I am not hearing the son is overly upset or obsessed over this girl. As a parent, I would try to help if it’s the case, otherwise I would try to stay out of the son’s relationship. The only thing I would tell the son is a relationship shouldn’t have to be that difficult in the beginning. People usually put their best foot forward at the start of relationship, and if this is her best then I would hate to see her worst.</p>
<p>Mcat… you really, really need to stop thinking about and worrying about your son’s relationship. The amount of time and energy you’ve invested into this issue is not healthy.</p>
<p>I assumed this was a post by a young person trying to figure out a relationship issue. I was surprised to learn it was from a parent regarding a son’s relationship. OP–follow the advice above. You are too invested in this. </p>
<p>I understand being curious about the status of of children’s relationships, where they will go, etc. That is natural. What is not normal is being so invested in such a short relationship that one is seeking the wisdom of strangers. My DD has been seeing the same young man for nearly two years. Even today, I don’t know if this is a marriage thing. Do I wonder? Of course. Do I analyze every little tidbit DD shares? If, and when, DH and I discuss it, it’s brief and doesn’t involve the kind of conjecture you seem to be interested in. If they are life partners/marry/whatever, so be it. If not, than we will help DD at that time if she asks.</p>
<p>I was seeing he felt very hurtful. Yesterday, we thought he was working out for hours which is longer than he usually did. We accidentally found that most of the time, he was actually frustrated over this outside the gym (when it was quite chilly) instead of working out inside. It just pains me to see him to be like that.</p>
<p>I really did not (and do not) talk to him about anything on this side of his life. I definitely will not “help” because I should not and can not. He rightly will not let me be in this role (the last time I helped him was likely for a physics problem when he was in high school! I did not help him for anything during his college years except for paying for COA.) I just hope one way or another he would soon resolve what has been bothering him when he’s back to campus this week, no matter what outcome it will be. (My spouse actually secretly hopes the end result is “no” as she thinks there appears to be too many dramas. but she has been “all ears” only rather than providing him any advices.) Thousands miles of distance between us will keep me not knowing anything about it - this will be good for both of us.</p>
<p>I know the problem, as you have pointed out, is me mostly. Sorry about bothering all of you for this “saga” which started from a simple question from him about “what Christmas gift to buy?”</p>
<p>Sorry your boy is suffering, but that relationship is likely over. Some people just require a period of emotional vacillation before breaking up. “I get butterflies every time you walk into the room” is a sign she wants to stay with him. “It is likely my parents would like you” is not.</p>
<p>mcat, are you from a culture in which the parents/families are involved in the matchmaking for the children? (I wish this was not the internet because I am using a kind and friendly tone, not an inquisitional one).</p>
<p>I think it is wonderful that you worry about your son’s happiness. But please don’t put too much emphasis on any of his relationships for a while–because of his relative inexperience, I think of your son almost more like a high school boy than a medical student in this respect.</p>
<p>It would not be a bad thing for him to get a few "practice’ relationships under his belt before he meets the love of his life. He needs a chance to learn about himself and a chance to develop this aspect of himself, so he can figure out what he is actually looking for.</p>
<p>Once he knows himself better, he will be a lot better on knowing which relationships he wants to pursue, and how to pursue them.</p>
<p>I experienced a lot of this when I was young. Women were just fickle. How they felt seemed to change with the phases of the moon (perhaps it had something to do with the monthly cycle). It caused a lot of confusion and heartache until I learned how to deal with it. What worked for me was to think only of the present, never the future. By all means, never discuss a so-called relationship. Dodge the discussion at all costs, be coy. You and they don’t really need to know how it’s going. If it isn’t obvious that it’s going well, then it’s going badly. I think if you have to discuss the relationship, then the conversation turns serious, which is less than enjoyable and exposes insecurity, creates pressure and makes the other person think in uncomfortable ways and acknowledge that it’s going badly. The relationship ends. If you just enjoy each others company for the present, this pressure never arises. </p>
<p>Of course after 6 years of exclusively seeing the same woman (my current wife), I had to get nudged into getting engaged through subtle hints by said woman, but by then it really wasn’t a question of if, it was a question of when, and it was quite humorous. </p>
<p>I like to joke that I still haven’t gotten serious after 30 years, LOL!</p>
<p>He’s an adult. Time to step back and let him live his life. Perhaps you could find a new hobby to divert your attention away from his personal life. Now that he is an adult, you have free time pursue your own interests.</p>
<p>Boysx3, No, we are not from a culture which is like that. He will never accept in matchmaking from any family members. He is relatively inexperienced in dating as far as I know. He once jokingly said he is at least 5 years “behind.”</p>
<p>mom2ck, yes. The gifts was bought and it was not given out.</p>
<p>I actually agree with most here that it is over as many said/hinted here, but it is up to him (not anybody else including his parents) to decide what he (or she) wants to do next. I will try not to think about it from now on. He will soon be very far from us for a very long time (likely a full year) anyway and I won’t know anything when he’s busy on the other coast.</p>
<p>I think we could be more helpful for him is when he needs a car. He drives but still does not want to keep his own car in order to save money (i.e., to reduce his student loans as much as he can.)</p>
<p>
This is funny. Some may be more dramatic than others, I would think.</p>
<p>DS actually said most of his classmates (not his love interest) are VERY organized and like to put everything under his/her control. For anything that could become chaotic or dramatic, it is something they would put in a lot of efforts in advance to make it under their control. (E.g., puts in 200% of efforts in order to triple-insure that they can possibly answer any question thrown at them correctly in any test.) Most seems to be not very successful in many other aspects if the life. After their test in MS2, in their decompressing dinner, they mostly talked about the test that they had just taken and nothing else.</p>
<p>To be honest, you don’t need to worry. He’s an adult. It’s his relationship. If he’s dating someone, he’s dating someone. If he isn’t, he isn’t. </p>
<p>Don’t think about it. It happens. He’s hurting right now. He’ll hurt in the future. He will heal, learn, and find and find a new girl. </p>
<p>If he comes to you with problems in his relationship, steer him in the right direction and then back off. No need to get so invested in his relationships, especially such a new one as this.</p>
<p>OP, please let this go! Your S will figure things out in his own time. There is no rush and this female does not sound like someone who cares about him or his feelings. He will meet others who are more open to a relationship and things will develop on their own. Please, let go and develop your own interests.</p>