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<p>K’san: You seem really bitter. Other people here have spelled out some pretty good reasons why you shouldn’t be bitter – or at least how there are exceptions to your observations – but you aren’t really go to listen to what people say. Admit it: you won’t be convinced. As such, there’s really no reason to talk to you about this stuff. Nonetheless, here goes: I am about to waste a bunch of time. </p>
<p>And for the record: I really don’t care what your response is; based on what I’ve seen so far, you don’t listen to people anyway. You think what you think and what others think you think is wrong. By the way, why do you even bother to post here?</p>
<p>I think your choice is pretty obvious. Stick with your cynicism and how you do things and stay bitter. Or figure out how to connect with someone who is exceptional (for you) and who has the attributes that you find attractive. </p>
<p>If it were as simple as I see a girl and she’s really attractive to me and she wants to be treated with love and respect and I can give that to her, you’d be with the perfect woman by now.</p>
<p>Guys always decry the fact that women like ****<strong><em>s. But a counterpart truth is that a lot of time the fact is that men like *</em></strong>*es. Have you ever had a really nice girl throw herself at you, but you just weren’t interested? If you haven’t, I’d wager you haven’t noticed it was happening or you are not attractive to girls. </p>
<p>Guys tend to like **<strong><em>es because there is a high correlation between being *</em></strong><em>y and being good looking. And other times, it’s *</em>***es, good-looking or not, who are more interesting, more challenging, and just seem more attractive to guys.</p>
<p>For the girl that’s really nice and somewhat attractive who throws herself at you, but it’s kind of a turn-off for you – do you think that seems fair to her that you are more attracted to the vapid *****y girl that only talks about herself and knows only that she’s hot and not a whole lot more?</p>
<p>Do you think that women find guys to be straightforward? Do you know how many guys say XYZ and do ABC? There are all sorts of reasons why people do this, and it runs the range from that they are absolute liars (and I am sure this happens a lot less than the other things) to the fact that they are absolutely unaware of themselves and don’t recognize the contradictions to the fact that in a given situation with no malice aforethought they’ll tell you what they think you want to hear. Duh!</p>
<p>There is no written or spoken contract. You can’t really know what a person is really about or what they really want until you really know them and have looked at what they do as opposed to what they say. That’s a basic life lesson, my friend. Friggin’ learn it, or live your life as a dupe.</p>
<p>There may be a lot of girls who fall into categories you don’t like. Maybe that means you have rarified tastes. Reading your posts, I’d say it’s more likely you are bitter about what you can’t have. There may have been a girl – or some girls – who seemed like they’d be ones you’d really like to date and they said they were a certain way and you thought that meant they’d like you. But they didn’t. Again: duh! Join the real world.</p>
<p>You need to work on yourself. First of all, get over this bitterness that the world isn’t the way that mommy promised you it would be. Yes, there are tons of women driven by money. True indeed. </p>
<p>Ask yourself if there is a correlation between the good looks of women and their relative money focus. Could it be that these women get attention from all sorts of guys and it turns out that the ones that are most fun drive the best cars or have a devil-may-care attitude 'cause their daddies are rich?</p>
<p>The fact is that really good looking girls experience life differently than girls that are merely attractive or ones that aren’t so good looking. And you often have to have more for really good looking girls – whether it’s confidence or money or standing in your school/community or all the above and more, you’ve got to bring more to the table. As I said before, I actually don’t think money is the highest thing on this list, by the way.</p>
<p>And a lot of times this kind of beauty can change women, and they may become people who act in ways you don’t like. If you want this kind of woman, you are going to have to play the game – being a big powerful, fun confident guy with a lot of fame (and maybe a lot of money). The question is: do you want this kind of woman? If so, is this kind of woman currently out of your league? Be honest. My guess is yes. And if you don’t want this kind of woman, look for other kinds and find out what characteristics they have and recognize that there are trade-offs.</p>
<p>I lived in a foreign country for awhile (I won’t say which one because I don’t want to offend anyone from that country). I spoke the language, and because I was an American earning dollars from an American company, on the scale of things I was pretty rich. And it turned out that a lot of women were interested in meeting me. For me, this turned into a giant lab experiment about what I was attracted to, since I wasn’t constrained by as many limitations regarding my relative wealth or even confidence as I would have been in my own economy and culture. </p>
<p>There were some absolutely gorgeous women I met, but often around the edges I thought they were out for my green card or my money or both. And there were less attractive ones that seemed really genuine and didn’t have that *****y “I know I am hot and if you want me you are going to have to work or pay” high maintenance force field around them. And I realized that in general I like the down-to-earth, somewhat less attractive pretty girls to girls whose worlds had been warped by the attention good looks got them.</p>
<p>There was one absolute blistering model type that I had a physical fling with, and I’ll confess that I sometimes think about our “flagrante delicto,” but she was always looking for the next mirror and she was ultimately just a bimbo. It didn’t wear well over time; ultimately she was boring. Not to mention the fact that if I married her and brought her home my friends and family would’ve probably thought “wow, BH found himself a really beautiful decoration that has nothing in common with any of us.”</p>
<p>Again: figure out what you want, and recognize that almost always except in the rarest of circumstances, there will be trade-offs.</p>
<p>I did find a woman I thought was the whole package. Gorgeous, well-educated (Berkeley and Harvard in an interesting field), etc. And she is still a good friend after we went out for 4 years. Why was this really attractive, polished, charming woman available when she should have already been “off the market”? It turns out she was damaged goods, personally speaking – she had personal issues that she ignored rather than seeking help with them – and these turned out to be too much for us. Like I said, there are trade-offs.</p>
<p>Number two: You need to work your game. People always tell you to be yourself. That’s only partly right. What they’re really telling you is you need to learn to like yourself and be confident in who you are. BECAUSE WOMEN RESPOND BEST TO CONFIDENCE.</p>
<p>But once you’ve got yourself settled with who you are and are really confident, a good game will help you with the ladies.</p>
<p>For that, you’ve just got to figure out a few principles and learn how to make them work for you:</p>
<p>1) Women like men who are attractive to other women.
2) Women like men who are confident and who don’t ask for permission. (American guys often think “wow, I do everything she wants me to do, why doesn’t she like me?” This is often what guys are talking about when they say love and respect. But the fact is women want guys to do what the guys want to do, so long as the guys are cool and expansive and fun and involve the women in their big adventure and make some things shared. Let me give you an example: A date: What do you think makes a bigger impression on a woman: “Where would you like to go – would that French restaurant be okay?” vs. “There’s this place I’ve been before – it has good food and a really good vibe – and I really thought it’d be a place you’d like. I want to go there with you.” The latter shows you are in the know and you’ve thought about her, but you are also asserting yourself. The former is just, well, lame – even though it may seem respectful.)
3) Women like men who have stuff goin’ on and who don’t depend on women for their lives.
4) And within the context of what I said above, you will find women appreciate guys who respect and love them, but be very clear that respect and love doesn’t mean you always ask for permission or dote on them too much or completely squelch the sense that you are attractive to other women (you don’t have to act on it). Follow numbers 1-3 religiously before you work in number 4. Numbers 1-3 explain why women like *******s, to a great extent. Number 4 shows that you can put a good thing in an overall package.</p>
<p>Now, K’san: there may be things that I said about you that just don’t jibe with your situation. Fine, overlook the mistakes – but I advise you to not throw the baby out with the bath water. There is a lot you can learn from what I wrote.</p>
<p>Right now, you are a bitter guy well on his way to loserville, if you don’t take a clue and change your headset. Good luck.</p>