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<p>It’s nice you are self-deprecating, but if you are told you are kinda handsome, you are more than handsome enough to work it with the ladies. 'Cause the fact is women aren’t as visual, but are more interested in what <em>experience</em> a guy gives them. Average - above average tending to kinda handsome gets you in the door, your personality is what keeps you inside and moving toward the “happy room.” For that matter, ugly guys with the right personality get in the door. So stop worrying about looks. OH, except for one big thing: dress yourself up (not necessarily fancy, just take care of yourself; work on your image, cool things up a bit, spiff your hair, all in a natural way that fits with you.)</p>
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<p>I wasn’t talking about ugly, I was talking about unattractive (and this has a lot more to do with personality like I said). But your problem – i.e. that you don’t know when a girl is in to you – is the better one to have. Without having it make you a total pr*ck, you need to operate with the assumption that most, if not all, ladies like you. And you need to take this attitude into flirting with girls wherever you meet them – in shops, on the street, anywhere, whether at school or not. Do this with discipline; do it like it’s homework. Do it like you’re trying to earn a varsity letter in it, though you’re just learning how to handle the ball. Just getting a girl to smile back at you (even if 10 have been cold) is a win and will take you further toward the confidence you need. And as you do this more in a way that fits with who you are – try a number of different approaches – you will move into a virtuous circle of success with women.</p>
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<p>How you were raised was a good way to be raised – it defaults to being more respectful than not and that is generally a good thing and better at least than the alternative. It sucks, however, for what you want to communicate to a girl you are interested in.</p>
<p>Everything about the example I gave shows something important. Asking for permission to go to the French restaurant cedes control and judgement to the woman and ultimately makes it seem very subtely that you think she is doing you a favor by going out with you (on some level). A woman wants a guy who has it going on – the other option says: “I know the restaurants, I am a man who’s got it going on – and you are lucky to be with me” on some level very subtely; in other words, you are in control and you have the judgement (and women like that). But it also says “and with this ever so cool hip thing I got going, the thing that is me, I am putting it to the service of making you happy because I think I know what it is you want and I want to please you.” The thing is you have to have a view of what she wants and likes and act accordingly. So you need to develop your intuition and your ability to figure women out, to the extent that is possible. But don’t pander them in obvious ways or let them push you around or they will be turned off.</p>
<p>One is a position of asking for permission and she’s doing you a favor – how dull for everyone. The other is: I am magical and I am being magical for you.</p>
<p>Okay, maybe I overstated it, but you get the point. </p>
<p>Now, what if she said in response to your offer: “I’ve been to that restaurant and I thought it was cheesy.” Your response could be an easygoing: “Wow, are we talking about the same place? Did you find a fly in your drink or something? Did a waiter diss you?” Just make it light, don’t get embarrassed and move on to keeping it in your court: “Look, I’d be happy to just to get a burger and fries with you, but there’s another place that I’ve had some luck with…blah blah blah.” The thing is you keep making the decisions and you keep making it special, but don’t be a rigid jerk who doesn’t let her have some input. That too can be a turn-off if it’s taken too far.</p>
<p>If you work this stuff, you will have no reason to be bitter.</p>
<p>In the meanwhile, lose the bitterness even if you have to do so just for show. It comes off merely as sour grapes, and it says to a woman: “I don’t have luck with the ladies and that’s why I am mad.” Look at number 1 in my list on the post above. That’s a huge turn-off.</p>