All my friends left, I need to start over with friendship

College Life
1

<p>I guess I am seeking an upper classman who has been through something similar for some advice.
I am a Freshman, in finals week, who is disappointed with how my 1st semester went socially.
In the beginning, I was very friendly and outgoing, something that really isn’t easy for me. I got a lot of numbers, and always had people to chill with. Some of those relationships simmered out, while some of them remained strong. For the first 10 weeks, I was really happy, I thought that socially I was in a good place, and that I had found good friends. I had met a few at orientation (which happens at the beginning of summer at my school), and a few more on facebook over the summer. When I arrived at school I saw a lot of those people, and we seemed to make more friends, and we seemed to have an established group.
But just before Thanksgiving things started to change, people started to avoid each other, and a bunch of people started fighting. That was finally resolved the day we returned. But then this week came, and more problems appeared. One of the girls in the group, who I was never that close to, brought some new people who she was friends with into our group. Suddenly they all started to spend a lot of time together, which was fine. But then the new group started to pull more and more people from out group into theirs. At this point, only myself and about 5 other people haven’t been welcomed into the group, and they make us feel very unwelcome.
I feel like I am losing all my friends, and I really don’t know what to do.
I have a few friends in other groups, but they don’t really like to go out or socialize, which is what I want to do with my weekends.
I know that a lot of people say you find your friends second semester, or even Sophomore year, but I’m not sure how I am going to do that. I am in a ton of clubs, and the people from the clubs always seem happy to see me when we pass each other, but it never seems to amount to anything more than that. I don’t drink or go to parties, but I go out to plenty of the on campus events with my friends. The problem is, that if they don’t want anything to do with me, I have no one to go with, so meeting people will be hard.
I am going to try to talk to people in my classes next semester, but that seems very limiting, because I will only see them a few times a week, and they all will already have their established circles.
Another thing about me, I worry a lot about not fitting in and not having friends. Something similar happened to me in High School (I was new there), but eventually I did make good friends, even though it took almost two years. I am somewhat afraid to start getting to know new people, because I don’t want to be rejected again. One of my very few remaining friends here told me just to start over, and not worry about it, because it will work itself out, but I’m not convinced that it will. I really just don’t want to end up alone, or not having few many friends. </p>

<p>If any upperclassman has been through something like this, can you tell me how you coped and made friends? Should I confront the people who are trying to outcast us? How do I get myself into established groups? How do I know it’s the right people this time?
If you actually read this whole thing and took the time to respond, you have NO IDEA how much you mean to me! Thanks a billion.</p>

2

<p>“I don’t drink or go to parties” - that’s 99% of your problem since that is what college kids do. Either go to parties (and don’t drink if you don’t care for it) or face an uphill battle. Other “people” will not eagerly seek out the company of those who don’t seem to want to have some typical college fun. In this context, your worries over not fitting in are actually already reality.</p>

<p>Having said all of that, it doesn’t mean you absolutely have to become a “party” person but it will limit the number and types of friends you have in college. It’s a decision you have to make and become comfortable with.</p>

3

<p>Thanks for the advice, but 30% of my school doesn’t drink. I really do like to go out and have a good time with people, I just have a strong sense of morals so I am not comfortable with a lot of the college scene. But most of the people I was friends with until about a week ago don’t drink either, so that wasn’t my problem. We have tons of on campus activities and a great down town area to hang out and have alcohol free fun.</p>

4

<p>So, if 70% of your the people around you are amoral and you don’t want to associate with them (and don’t want go to parties where any of those 70%) you are not going to have an easy time at college. It will be hard to work yourself into “established” groups since the odds are that there will be amoral people there. It is going to take longer to find the groups of people who have the same world view as yourself. Like your friend said - it will work itself out, but slowly.</p>

5

<p>

Oh, puuhhleasee. This is not OP’s problem. The problem is that the “friends” that she is associating herself with are not the right fit for her. </p>

<p>OP, do not think for one minute that if you want to have friends you must go out and party. There are plenty of activities to do that don’t involve the typical college “party”. I haven’t even been to a college “rager” this semester and I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything. </p>

<p>To develop your group of friends who are interested in what you are, be the event planner. Offer to go out to dinner, or go to the beach, or see a concert in the city, etc. You’ll eventually grow of group of friends. It will take time. It won’t be overnight, but it is a great way to get out and enjoy yourself.</p>

<p>And remember, you are not alone! There are others who do not want the typical “college experience”.</p>

6

<p>Thanks Niquii! I have been trying to do just that. Obviously it’s hard with finals right now, but I will be able to do more next semester. I am trying to build the relationship with the friends I have outside that one group a little more, but obviously it takes some time. I’m glad to virtually meet another college student who doesn’t necessarily want to rage, but still seems to have a good time!</p>

7

<p>Op How about finding an on-campus job next semester? It actually really helps, especially when it’s a specific kind of job where you have coworkers who share your interests. </p>

<p>I didn’t realize how helpful this was until I started working at my university’s writing center this fall. A lot of other writing majors work there too (along with other foreign language majors, which is a double-plus), so I’m constantly surrounded by like-minded folk. We have a great boss and we have all kinds of social activities. A group of us went to see Catching Fire when it came out, we go out to eat together, we go to campus events together, and we even had a bowling party to celebrate Christmas together! </p>

<p>One of my friends works at one of our university’s caf</p>

8

<p>Thanks a ton for all your help. I am already a part of a number of clubs and I am friendly with people in them but for some reason it hasn’t gone any further than that, and I guess I haven’t tried to take it any further necessarily. One of the few remaining people I have seems to have a lot of other groups of people, so I am probably going to ask him to help me get to know some others better.
It just sucks because I really thought I had friends, and now it seems like most of the group has gotten together and turned on about 5 of us, including the aforementioned guy with many other groups.</p>