<p>I’m trying to cut down on areas where I nag as well as help my teen learn some responsibility. </p>
<p>She currently sees me as a walking bank. I have posted in the past about how I think some of her friend use us. Recently she has been providing them with bus fare and food money out of money I have given to her. They have parents who give them money. They have food in their house, it is just that they want money for fast food and junk food. Recently her friend was having a birthday party at the beach and her parents supposedly gave her $25 for snacks for guests. My D volunteered to kick in another $25. No one else contributed. This sort of thing infuriates me. My D says she is “being a nice person.” I’m trying very hard not to be so bothered by it. </p>
<p>D probably needs about $4-$5 per week in total for her <em>own</em> bus fare. There is always food in the house to make a lunch for school, but she chooses not to. She spends $1-$2 per day on snacks sold by the school. Food, spur of the moment clothing purchases (I’m pretty generous at buying her clothes), activities, gifts, etc. would be her other expenses. </p>
<p>I’m suggesting giving her $20-$25 (haven’t decided which) at the start of the week (in the hopes that if she receives it on Monday, it will be harder for her to blow it all and have none left for bus fare) with the understanding that it is her responsibility to make sure she has enough to last the week to get herself home safely on the days I do not pick her up. The rest she can waste or give away as she she sees fit. If she runs out of money before the week is up and cannot get herself home without me picking her up, the deal is off. </p>
<p>Is this a reasonable arrangement in your opinion?</p>
<p>" Recently her friend was having a birthday party at the beach and her parents supposedly gave her $25 for snacks for guests. My D volunteered to kick in another $25. No one else contributed. This sort of thing infuriates me. My D says she is “being a nice person.” I’m trying very hard not to be so bothered by it."</p>
<p>If your D makes those kind of offers, she should be using her own money. I do wonder if your D has gotten into the habit of trying to buy friends. </p>
<p>I think that you could be giving her a weekly allowance that also includes $ for a clothing, activity and gift allowance, and if she blows it and runs out of $, you should let her figure out a way of solving her problem. She won’t learn to manage money until you allow her enough $ to manage to really cover her expenses. She’ll also make mistakes along the way as she learns, and you’ll have to control yourself not to save her.</p>
<p>So would you say $25/week is not enough to really to help her learn to manage her money? I have a big fear of her walking home in the dark. She is invincible and of course does not share my fears. My concern is that if she runs out of money and can’t take the bus, she’ll put herself in danger and walk home.</p>
<p>How old is this girl? Could she get a job for her spending money? It’s amazing how quickly they learn to be frugal when they work for the money!</p>
<p>She’s 15, turns 16 late this summer, so most of the summer jobs will be filled by the time she’s old enough to work officially. She could babysit, etc.</p>
<p>If you want to do it that way, I think it’s very fair. It sounds as if she has no idea how to value money, so this is a step in the right direction. You can make a deal that if she runs out of money for the bus at night, she should call you, and you will pick her up. However, if that happens do to her lack of planning, just don’t let her go out the next weekend. </p>
<p>How old is she? To be honest with you, spending money was always my own responsibility, and I did fine. I was expected to work in the summers for my money. My parents would occassionally give me money if my older siblings were home so that we could all go out to dinner and the movies. If I found myself stressed out about a particular cost for some valid reason, my mother would split it with me, or we would work something out. My parents paid for a certain amount of clothes for school. I have a significant amount of savings now, and I feel that I am much better off financially (both in the amount I have but more importantly in how I spend it) than most of my college peers, including those who have gotten thousands of dollars in “gift” money from grandparents or other sources.</p>
<p>She should have some money of her own, right? From babysitting or birthday money or working or whatever? If so, maybe you tell her the things that you will pay for (bus fair for her, a certain amount for lunches at school, etc.), and leave the rest for her to figure out. I’d say that this is definitely true if she is sixteen or older. </p>
<p>If you really want to teach her spending responsibility, give her less than she normally spends, and make her figure out how to ration her money and save it for what she really wants. She does not need to be spending $25 every week, in my opinion.</p>
<p>Ah, sorry we cross-posted. Can students only work when they’re 16+ where you are? I’m from an area known for hard working kids, but most people start working in some capacity at fourteen. I knew girls at that age who made $5,000 a summer babysitting. They were very good at it, and they had started at a younger age, of course, but your daughter should be able to figure out some way to make money this summer. After that, put more financial responsibility in her own hands.</p>
<p>Here is what we have done with our son. He is a kid that at 9 years old would say something on occasion such as, “Mom, do you have a spare $50?” Can you imagine that! This was b/c the mood struck him to buy a $50 video game. Obviously, I did not indulge his whim. He has been getting an allowance for years. He is currently given $15/week (he is 15 years old). This is strictly pocket money. He can use it for pizzas, a movie, a t-shirt at the mall etc. He also can save it, which he has learned to master to some degree. He gets an additional $4per day for his school lunches. I have a feeling that he spends $3 and a dollar is pocketed, but I have no idea. I have not been nickeled and dimed for years. </p>
<p>As far as that party, my son’s friends run parties in the following manner. Everyone who attends is asked to chip in $3-5 to cover expenses. We have not had such a party in our home, but last summer my older son attended several of them at other homes. I guess if they don’t contribute, then they are turned away. I know some kids do not get in if there are too many guests etc. It is very easy to spend mom or dad’s money, isn’t it?</p>
<p>If your D is 15, I would give her enough to have $15 in pocket money after bus fare is paid. That $15 should be used for her entertainment money, a DVD, CD etc. That should be enough to learn to budget.</p>
<p>(unfortunately!) she has birthday money which she feels feel to waste and is quite vocal about how it is completely her money. I’ve told her its my job to help her be responsible with it; she disagrees. </p>
<p>Yes, here you have to be 16 to work. The exception is working at the library, which is a great job, pays much better than average, and you only have to be 14 and a full-time student in good standing. She has applied several times but they get hundreds of applications. </p>
<p>Interestingly, my other child is quite the opposite. She <em>wants</em> to use only her own money, is fairly frugal, got a job the minute she was old enough, and has thousands in her saving account.</p>
<p>It seems there are two different issues involved here. Learning to manage expenses and learning not to let oneself be exploited by others. You need to have different conversations with your D. Why does she want to be the one paying for others? Why do others not do so? what does it get her? Are her friends true friends or are they taking advantage of her?</p>
<p>I’m not clear on some things. If she wants to pay for snacks instead of bringing food from home, is she using her allowance money or her birthday money? As for walking home late, can you enforce strict rules about when to get back and how? Again if she has birthday money to spare, why can’t she use it for transportation?</p>
<p>I’m confused-- is she using your money or her own money for the things that you don’t approve of (i think rightly). If its her money, then I’d think that it was her decision how to use it. However, you shouldnt bankroll it. When I was in high school I got an allowance for clothing and also a weekly allowance for lunch (which if i brought from home I could save the money). $25 a week is more than enough for a 15 year old, especially if they have money of their own. If you feel like paying for something special like a movie, then you should only give her the $10 that would be for her ticket. Her willingness to bankroll others should come from only her money, why would you pay for other families?</p>
<p>I used to give my teenaged kid a dollar a week for allowance - until he finally told me to stop. No kidding! You are giving your kid way too much money in my humble opinion! :eek: And like Marite says, there are two separate issues here. One is handling her own money, and one is being (or not being) expoloited by others.</p>
<p>Hmm. It’s probably just my area that’s odd in this way, but $25 a week for a 15 year old would be considered pretty frugal. Dinner and a movie on a Friday night would be $25 give or take $5. That doesn’t even include Saturday night… Then lunch or anything else on Saturday and/or Sunday. There’s no way I would have gotten by with $25 a week and I’m considered a bit stingy.
My parents were never the type to give ‘allowances’, they just gave me money for whatever I needed (I didn’t take advantage of this). My brothers on the other hand ask for ridiculous things so my parents need to take a different approach with them.</p>
<p>Dinner and a movie every week? Wow!
In our area, movie tickets probably cost $8-10; dinner (of the kind teenagers would spring for) would cost another $10 perhaps. But a typical high school student would not be expected to be going every week, so on a $25 allowance, there would be plenty left for an occasional movie and dinner.
I’m with those who agree that $25 is too much.</p>
No kidding! You are giving your kid way too much money in my humble opinion! :eek: And like Marite says, there are two separate issues here. One is handling her own money, and one is being (or not being) expoloited by others.</p>