@techmom99 I was nodding my head while reading a lot of your post. Your story about your ds has many echoes of ours with our ds. He also refused to take courses that in his mind were not necessary for his goals. We also pulled the financial plug on college when he continued to dig in and not take the classes required for the degree. We couldn’t afford to keep paying for him to attend if he was never going to graduate.
He really floundered for a while, but finally found his feet and has been working full-time for 3 yrs. He is starting to talk about wanting to develop skills for a career vs. continuing to work as an unskilled laborer. He is starting to recognize that he is responsible for many of the dead ends he hits and that his choices are what lead to the consequences he lives through.
Rough wa to learn, but he is stubborn. He has to realize it himself before any changes or progress can be made. When he gets serious enough about change, he tends to stick with it with just as much stubborness.
Our ds has not made the same level of progress your son has, but at 24, I can see him moving that way.