<p>“No one sits on their death bed and says ‘boy, I really wish I wouldn’t have missed that class!’”</p>
<p>Especially not an English major. An English major would say, “Boy, I really wish I hadn’t missed that class!”</p>
<p>Sorry. Couldn’t resist.</p>
<p>I don’t see what the big deal. It’s a wedding. No one died. Np one’s sick and Thanksgiving is right around the corner. While I think being all “school, school, school” all the time is incredibly naive, I don’t think it’s immature not wanting to miss the lecture before an exam. In my experience any, that’s the best time to be there other than the actual exam date. Most professors I’ve had always throw out a nugget of info regarding the exam that day.</p>
<p>If it is on the weekend, go if you can afford it. A 6 hour trip isn’t great, but you can study on the plane.</p>
<p>It’s ok to just make the best decision you can.<br>
And, ideally, to try to forgive her outburst, show what suppport you can and move forward.</p>
<p>It’s true family is important and often trumps ordinary situations. But, I don’t think this is an ordinary situation. You are in the midst of a commitment to college, with the need to keep grades up. And oos. You said you spoke with profs and they aren’t willing to bend. Your reason for missing the event is not frivolous. </p>
<p>DH’s extended family is very close. We couldn’t take our college girls to a wedding during 1st semester midterms, last year. The family missed them, wanted to talk about them- but they understood. Good luck. Maybe things will change and your schedule next spring will work out.</p>
<p>Massmomm:</p>
<p>That is the cutest response ever! I love it!</p>
<p>lookingforward:</p>
<p>I’m glad to see I’m not the only one who would choose academics over a wedding. It was a hard decision, but I know it was the right one.</p>
<p>Katie</p>
<p>Family is important, but I personally don’t think weddings are a big deal. I agree with someone else in this thread that you should not give a reason why and before something big like this…never say you’ll make it and then don’t. People don’t want to be lied to. There’s a lot of planning that goes on in a wedding.</p>
<p>You’re doing the right thing EnglishMajor - long ago I was pressured into the ‘family first’ routine, caused a lot of trouble for myself academically and only got a lukewarm response for my extraordinary effort. It doesn’t sound like the cousin would appreciate your sacrifice - so I’m glad you aren’t making it.</p>
<p>I’m one of those people who always went to weddings and sent expensive gifts. 90% of the weddings ended in divorce. Given your relative’s immature attitude and disrespect to her guests (you) I would surmise her marriage will end in divorce also. She doesn’t seem to be a gracious and forgiving person. Therefore, I suggest you attend class. You have repeatedly tried to apologize but she is not accepting your calls. She needs to grow up.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I was thinking it too, but didn’t have the balls to post it. She sounds like a tyrant; I feel bad for the guy, honestly.</p>
<p>This is not for another semester, correct? Is it not possible that you would actually be free to attend it, since I am assuming you will have a completely different set of professors and have no idea what exactly your midterm schedule will look like?</p>
<p>90% is a bit too far…</p>
<p>If the wedding, or travel to and from the wedding, would require missing class time (during which there may be a test), then the honest answer is that you cannot make your decision until you know next semester’s class and test schedule. It does not seem reasonable to automatically say no now, unless there is some other reason (like it being too costly for you to travel there).</p>
<p>On the other hand, if the wedding is on a weekend so that you can travel to it and attend it without missing class, and you can afford to go there, then it seems odd not to attend.</p>
<p>However, her reaction does not speak very well of her.</p>
<p>Fwiw, if it’s family and you’re in college, I’m not sure any kind of expensive gift is necessary. We gave a family gift and my cousin completely understood- afterall, it was EXPENSIVE for us to get there. In my area and of my friends, gifts are definitely not expected from college kids especially when it’s an out of state wedding. In state or close would be different.</p>
<p>I’d say the large majority of my professors offer make-up exams if you tell them in advance that you’re going to be out of town or if you’re sick. Most won’t give make-up quizzes, but for things as large as tests, they’ll do it. Professors have lives too. They understand that real world things come out. It’s also a lot less annoying to know someone is missing your class for say a wedding than because they blacked out last night from getting so wasted.</p>
<p>But also realize that brides are under a lot of stress and you may not have actually been the one that she wanted to call selfish. You might have just been an easy target caught in the crossfire.</p>
<p>Katie,
Once you start classes next semester you will be able to read the syllabus and determine if it is possible to miss a day of classes, or even be away for a weekend.</p>
<p>My boys missed their first cousins wedding (they were in camp and didn’t want to leave for a weekend) and then missed the siblings (of the cousin) wedding as both were in college and grad school. We gave both kids the option of flying down to the wedding in a fun out of state location for all of us(at our expense) but both felt they could not miss class or a weekend of studying. Fortunately, it was not a problem for the cousins. While it would have been nice to have my boys their (and one asked one of my sons to be in his wedding party as well), the cousins understood the situation. Really, it has no effect on the wedding at all. </p>
<p>Do not stress over this. Like I wrote earlier, wait until next semester to make your decision. You have to do what is best for you.</p>