<p>“So that’s what some people here are doing - their children mention a problem, the parents go through this process (likely because they do not believe their children are capable)”
I see… So you think you have the ability to read into peoples minds, do you? What arrogance! Sounds like may be projecting onto others your own feelings after having some interactions with nosy parents at your institution? Well guess what, your assumptions, and ,boy did you make a lot of assumptions, are in this case completely wrong. I suggest you step back, if you can, and not make sweeping accusations against all parents who are asking legitimate questions about grad school, based on your own false assumptions or interactions with a few parents. It’s a good thing you are into engineering, because what you don’t know about psychology could fill an encyclopedia, imho.</p>
<p>“It’s simply amazing to me how people can make the leap from a simple information gathering question to assuming that the student asked his mother to go research (and decide) his entire career for him. I research things all the time just because I’m interested in them but that doesn’t mean I get to put any of that knowledge into play, or even that I’m finding things out to influence my kids one way or another.”
^^well said.</p>
<p>No OP, you weren’t crazy. The person that responded to you in such a manner was rude, arrogant, contemptuous, and overgeneralizing. For some folks, it’s not enough to submit their opinioned response in a thread. They gotta throw a “tsk, tsk” in there.</p>
<p>Wow, I’m scared to even go to the grad forum to look…Mommy, don’t make me.
I was flamed several times on other forums and now confine myself to the Parent Forum and Parent Cafe.<br>
Really some people take these things too far.<br>
In defense of grad students and CC in general I do want to say that one particularly helpful grad student PM’d me and helped me through understanding the process in renting an apartment in her area.
I have found enough helpful people (and I hope that I am one of them) on CC to stick around but I stay in the shallow water of the Parent pages where it is relatively safe.</p>
<p>I had a massive senior project during college, and I posted on a forum pertaining to the subject of my project… I said it was for a project and that I was just trying to get some questions answered… I’ve never been flamed so badly in my life… every single person that responded to my post was a complete jerk… they went on and on about how this wasn’t for a project and how I was trying to get inside information and this and that and how I need to grow up and stop trying to dupe people… I was amazed how rude people were… eventually I did get an e-mail from someone on the site, apologizing for the other posters I may add, and he answered all of the questions I had. I even credited him in our final copy and sent him a copy, thinking maybe he could use it for his business. My group got the only A in the class so I guess it was worth the flaming!</p>
<p>The hypocrisy abounds, here. The Grad board is horrible, and yet this is the thread that’s using the personal insults.</p>
<p>My point was valid. The OP in that thread (and this one) wasn’t doing background research: she stated that she was assisting her son - being an active decision maker. Then the thread moved into generalities and was not about the OP.</p>
<p>However, it seems that the comments hit a little too close to home for this biased sample. But, continue to lash out if you feel the need to rationalize your behavior.</p>
<p>OK, so I went and checked it out, and yikes! All that free-floating hostility just looking for a place to land! And all of the nasty, bizarro judgments of the OP’s son, if you please, who, according to our helpful migrating poster (who is apparently, a-hem, distressed by all the personal insults!) will probably never have the emotional maturity to cope with the rigors of a Ph.D. program!!! Because his mother asked a kind of innocuous question on the grad board. Are you kidding me? Man, no wonder the OP is outa here.</p>
<p>It doesn’t matter if your point was valid, G.P. For all of your obvious intelligence, you just don’t get it - it’s HOW you responded. Duh. And it seems a little funny that YOUR nose is a bit out of joint for how others have characterized you, when you gave exactly that same type of treatment to the OP.</p>
<p>Back to the OP and thinking about a couple of posts which are of great interest to me as the helicopter mom of graduate students. </p>
<p>Post 38: I agree. Obviously the societal benefit is great when those for whom $50,000 is a lot of money end up professors, in art history or any other field. And fully funded PhD programs may not be addressing this issue adequately (or at all) since these programs exist at elite schools accepting only a few students from other elite schools… clearly a generalization; others may not agree. </p>
<p>And post 8: As an acknowledged helicopter mom, I believe it is appropriate for parents to attempt to steer an adult child away from a field for which they are certain the adult child has no aptitude; whether the child will listen is another matter altogether. But even with aptitude, interest and hard work this is a very difficult career path. Some, myself included, believe study for the sake of personal enrichment is acceptable, in and of itself, and intelligent, creative individuals find jobs – even if not the ones they originally planned on. I don’t want my kids to feel graduate school wasn’t worthwhile or that they wasted their time if they don’t end up professors and especially don’t want them to feel like they “failed” because of circumstances completely beyond their control.</p>
<p>From my vast experience with internet forum and faunum I have learned that when I get really worked up by someone’s post aimed at me - yes, it has happened - it is time to step away from the computer for a bit.</p>
<p>I read the thread, and realized that most of the criticism came from one person.</p>
<p>My S is also headed to the grad school route and academia. I foresee perhaps 6 years of study, then postdocs, then moving around IF he is lucky enough to land an asst prof position. I wonder if he will be able to live in an area of choice, what this will do for family, what if he is involved with someone with similar restraints, etc. I doubt he will earn as much as he did with first job after college. I’d feel safer if he was in CS or engineering.</p>
<p>The OP’s question was on the mark. I wish people further along the grad school trail would have responded.</p>
<p>I was just called “pretentious” on the Cornell board after I tried to give some sound advice about transfer. A few students actually came to my defense. The person that called me pretentious was probably getting a lot of pressure from family about transferring and it’s easier to lash out at someone on the internet. I think it is a maturity level. As you get older you understand not everyone needs to have YOUR point of view to be a good person, and to get your point across does not mean you need call someone names. Like so many parents here, I rarely venture out of parents forum. Many students on this board are just obnoxious. I wonder if it comes through their applications.</p>
<p>Wow !! I am shaking in my shoes, waiting for the helicopter-parents-police to come and take me away !! You see, I recently spent some time talking my d through her medical options, and how to get a prescription filled when the asthma is so bad she can’t walk to the pharmacy (in the snow(cold weather makes her breathing worsen)). (Gasp!) I even offered to pay for the cab ride. And I called the student health services to understand prescription-filling options.</p>
<p>OP, grad school is a huge investmemt of resources - time, energy, money – I would be asking all the same questions. I also remain on the parents forum - it seems to be the safest place. Emotionally, I can’t handle the flame-throwers, so mostly I lurk.</p>