<p>I have noticed in some posts an assumption that kids who get an allowance or get certain things paid for while in college do not work. My kids have worked every summer. Occassionally, they have earned money while in school too (one has been a TA and one has been paid for professional work while in school). For my kids, while they earn money in summer, they also work away from home and must use their earnings to pay living expenses in summer since they have opted to not live at home and work here (which is fine by us as our kids have had great summer experiences in their field). So, sometimes they have cleared money in summers and sometimes they have made just enough to pay to live with their job earnings. But as I wrote up thread, both kids have earned spending money for all years of college (have it saved up) and they use it to supplement what we give them. My younger one earned a great deal of money in her field this past summer and her job also came with free housing and food in NYC and so she used some for living and was able to save the rest and will use it after graduation. Both have worked in their field. But both have gotten paid…sometimes small stipends and sometimes a professional pay (a range). They haven’t taken any jobs for no pay. But they have built their resumes. So, we don’t support them in summers but it hasn’t stopped them from opportunities by far! They have done serious work in their fields. </p>
<p>As well, the fact that we don’t fund their trips for pleasure hasn’t stopped them either. We did fund a semester abroad for D1 but I consider that paying for college as it was about the same as going to college here. We did not pay for the travel she did during her breaks there which were extensive. She has earned enough money to do a GREAT deal of travel. She is 22. So far, on her OWN, she has driven to Alaska (gas and lodging paid for by uncle whose car she drove out there). She traveled during all breaks during study abroad in Italy through Europe. She worked two summers in France, one in her field. Before the jobs began, and on any breaks, she traveled all around Europe on her own with her own money. Next month, she is traveling for three weeks in Cambodia and Laos and meeting up with a French young woman with whom she worked one summer in France, who now works in Korea. She is also funding this trip. She also has gift money she got from graduation and saved it all up for things like this (except she also had to furnish her apartment for grad school with it too). She also has gone to Utah two times to ski on breaks and had to pay for flights and lift tickets but stayed as guest of college friend’s family (many of her college friends are well to do and have many homes, unlike us). She’s going to Canada for a few days next month too to meet another girl she knows from France who is staying there with her family. My other kid went to Brazil but her trip was free for her through her university. She also went to England and Amsterdam last winter break and paid for that but while in London got to stay with rich roommate’s family who lives there. So, my kids ain’t hurtin’ for travel. I may be, LOL, but they aren’t. But I also am not funding their vacations.</p>
<p>We all indulge our children to some degree. If we can afford to do so, we tend to do more, because we can, and I am not about to say where the lines should be drawn. I do believe that most of the time a natural separation process occurs, but if it does not, it could bode ill for financial independence. </p>
<p>I also don’t see anything wrong with indulging kids on vacations or other luxuries. I feel that for us it is important that our kids know that what they get are luxuries that they may not be able to afford on their own. It’s when kids start thinking that indulgences are entitlements that problems occur.</p>
<p>cptofthehouse…I agree. Many parents can afford to pay for spring and winter break vacations and summer things their kids do while in college and I’m not putting that down. I can’t do that. I paid for summer programs every year prior to college but that had to stop once in college as it is all we can do to fund college and the related expenses (my kids are on FA and we have big loans we’ll be paying for many years for that). So, everyone does what they can do and what they value doing. I think you can teach values, as well as money management in all these situations.</p>
<p>In my post about trips, and about internships, my point was that by a parent not paying for these things, doesn’t mean kids cannot have these opportunities. My kids have not been deprived of travel or of wonderful internships or work in their fields, even though now in college I don’t pay for either. That was my point.</p>
<p>Maybe this could become a new hook–my child is a small eater! </p>
<p>Eating out is hideously expensive…I agree with a previous poster who suggested purchasing some food from a grocery store to decrease reliance on dining out.</p>
<p>Hmom, I really see nothing wrong with a little indulgences if your kid is a hard working high achieving kid who really doesn’t ask for anything over the top, as you had said. If he has the good fortune of being invited to visit a foreign country by a friend, getting presumably free room and board plus a great tour guide, I don’t see why you wouldn’t want to give him this opportunity.</p>
<p>I too paid for everything for my son plus many extras; I was questioning at times whether I was being too indulgent and perhaps raising a spoiled brat. But since he graduated from college, he has been self-supporting entirely. He is quite frugal and saves over half of his take home pay. When I went to visit him last week, he took me to a few nice restaurants and paid for my meals.</p>
<p>If you’ve raised your son with good values, he will be fine.</p>
<p>I want to add that my S purchased all his meals outside when he was living off campus. The kitchen he shared with his friends was so dirty he didn’t want to prepare any food there. It was expensive but that ended when he graduated.</p>
<p>So you all bring me to another potential indulgence. The nearest grocery store is about one and a half miles from son’s dorm and there is no public transportation. DH has wanted DS to bring his car to school as we are paying a lot to keep it in the city. Yet few freshmen have cars at Dartmouth. The car is a luxury model handed down by a granddad who thinks boys need cool cars (another thread…). We can’t win, right?</p>
<p>If you could be assured that the car would only be driven to the grocery store, sure have him bring his car to school. But let’s not kid ourselves–no to the car. There are way too many distractions as it is for a freshman.</p>
<p>The boy is an athlete. He can run to the store in no time, load up a backpack, and carry a grocery bag in each hand. I did it all the time in college. He’s a big boy. He can figure it out.</p>
<p>If few freshmen have cars, and he brings his, he will be among the few elite with a car on campus. Now my S complains that EVERYONE he knows has cars there at school. I tell him that with so many friends with cars, he should have no problem catching rides with them!
Seriously, if we were in better financial shape, and if S were more responsible and had a better track record in driving, we would have probably helped him out with a car last year. But the “ifs” did not pan out. However, cars are discouraged and even forbidden for freshmen at many schools. </p>
<p>Doesn’t Dartmouth have full meal plans? My freshman son did not like having all his meals at the cafeteria, but he was never at loss for food at his college. We bought the full meal plan for him first term. He spent very, very little on outside food as a result. He often just had a soda or something very light and cheap when he went out with friends to eat since he would eat his prepaid dinner. This next term, he wants a less complete meal plan, as he wants to eat out more. I’m curious to see how much more this costs us.</p>
<p>Grocery stores may not deliver, but surely pizza shops do? How much grocery does he need to supplement (not replace) the expensive meal plan? BTW, my S was given something like $200 per month in his freshman year and did not spend most of it, living in the middle of a city with many restaurants and shops. He began earning his own money the following year, and paid for his trip during intersession.</p>
<p>My daughter goes to Cornell and she has her very cool little car up there when the weather is better. I think it is quite common for kids to have cars there, so it is not that big of a deal. It is convenient for her to have an off campus job and do some grocery shopping. We have an understanding the car is not to be taken out of Ithaca and we make sure of that by checking on the mileage. We also have a rule that she is not to let anyone else drive the car because of liability. We pay for the car and insurance and she pays for the gas.</p>
<p>I just realized that $300 per month works out to $10 per day. That is plenty. Has a pattern been set where the main hanging out with the buddies relates to ordering in or going out?</p>
<p>If he were truly hungry, that mile and a half walk would seem reasonable.</p>
<p>Of course we all know boys do not just spend money on food, right? Girls don’t usually need to buy drinks. My daughter uses her debit/credit card to buy everything (coffee, grocery, lunch, Bluefly), so I could track it online through her bank. She rarely carries cash with her.</p>
<p>DS does not complain about the walk, just the fact that it limits how much he can buy. He goes through a case of sports drinks each week. He can buy them closer but at a higher price and he is trying to be budget aware.</p>
<p>Do you guys with all you can eat cafeterias know how lucky you are?</p>
<p>You know, Twomules and Mathmom, my boys are all athletic and did/do sports. They all were pretty good at cross country, could have been excellent. But did they hate walking any short distance! I remember a number of fights we had when I saw no reason why they could not walk a mile or two. </p>
<p>Hmom, send him a canister of powdered gatorade and a shaker water bottle. It lasts a very long time. That’s what I use. I had five athletes and their friends, and they would clean me out of the gatorades and sports drinks to the point where I was hiding them, and finally stopped buying them. They all learned to mix their own.</p>
<p>S is a junior at Dartmouth. He still uses the same laptop, purchased through the college, that he started freshman year with. He gets no allowance (has never asked for one) and does not seem to need one either. He works for his own spending money, which he even uses for travel home for holidays. He doesn’t seem to be deprived, has gone on trips with his frat, etc. Dartmouth is the kind of college where you don’t have to spend much money. I can’t say whether or not you’re being indulgent, but I do think your child is spending an awful lot.</p>
<p>cpt, you made me laugh. I know a nationally ranked runner who won’t move into a theme house at the edge of his campus because it is “too far”. It would be a 10 minute walk instead of a 5 minute walk!</p>
<p>Can’t you put more money in the dining account? Then he would be fed and you wouldn’t feel he was having too much fun on your dime.</p>
<p>^^ I can totally relate. I competed on the national running team for a Fortune 100 corporation. I and all the other team members would complain endlessly about how far we had to walk from our parking lot at work to the buildings. My son is the same way- somehow running doesn’t translate into being tolerant of walking…</p>
<p>I, for one, don’t get it. I am the ultimate couch potato but when I have to walk somewhere, I’ll do it. It amazes me when I am walking with my athletic sons or brothers and they are complaining.</p>