Am I just emotionally weak or is this valid?

College Life
1

I had a rough spring semester and it has impacted my graduation, GPA, and degree. I decided to withdraw from my second retake of Organic Chemistry and you only get 3 shots at it. No Bachelors in Bio and have to choose a different degree/major. And I’m a senior and I only had 4 more classes left.

My grandmother died the week before the semester started. She was my last grandparent to die and my first funeral/cremation. I didn’t expect an actual Hindu cremation. Instead of a retort/chamber, it was a very large stack of wood with space for the open casket to fit and then lit while everyone watches. It was disturbing. When I returned home, I had the weekend to prepare for school. It didn’t affect me in the beginning, but I couldn’t get it out of my mind and I couldn’t focus. It started with my Physics 2 lab where I barely did any of the lab reports that were a majority of my grade.

My partner broke up with me 5 weeks later (right before my first Orgo exam) and at that point, I stopped attending some of my classes. Couldn’t eat anything for almost a week and nearly puked myself crying. One of my closest friends decided to end our friendship because I left that lab and thus leaving her to do it alone. I decided to get in touch with an old Chem TA that I cared about and I found out that he died from throat cancer last year and I never even knew. I didn’t expect him to die because I thought he was getting better.

Some time later, my family and I were told that my dad’s sister has stage 4 breast cancer. It just snowballed and I got depressed and upset because I lost all these people recently and I might lost another. I don’t know if I am just emotionally weak or what but I just didn’t care about anything. I know my grades have suffered. I did think about withdrawing in the beginning of the semester but I thought I would be okay. My friend withdrew because her house burned down and I doubt they would have accepted mine. The last time I did so poorly was in high school when I was in an abusive relationship.

The semester is practically over. I am trying to salvage what I can and work on my current remaining classes. I had to withdraw Organic because it is the most demanding and time consuming out of my other courses. The day my adviser emailed me and said that I would have to choose a different degree, I lost it. I had to go and spend time with someone I knew before I did something crazy. For some reason, I thought taking all my money out of the bank and leaving with no destination was a good idea. And the thoughts of my parents thinking I’m a failure when they had so much faith with me. Ugh.
Other people have gone through more intense hardships and thrive that I feel that even if I went to the dean, they will tell me that there is nothing they can do. I’m lost at the moment.

2

Have you talked to your adviser, your dean, and a school counselor/therapist about all you have been through in the past months? It’s a lot of heartbreak and a lot of stress one on top of the other. Don’t worry about what other people have or have not been through and how you measure up on some kind of arbitrary scale. We all deal and process Just differently. I know if my kids went through all you’ve been through it would affect them.

Don’t be afraid to reach out and talk to people if you haven’t already. It’s not being emotionally weak, its just being honest about what you’ve been going through and putting some context around your performance. Just talking it out with an objective person like a counselor can be very cathartic.

3

Anyone would have this reaction after experiencing the level of loss that you did. You are not weak. You could always take organic chem during the summer and graduate then if you didn’t want to switch majors, there’s no shame in that.

4

Talk to whatever school officials you need to in order to figure out what your options are. Also consider going to your school’s counseling services for some support. You have experienced a pile up of traumas and need help sorting that out too. Hang in there.

5

Wow that is alot of trauma in a short time…Go talk to your college’s Counseling Center…they will help you or point you to someone that can help you get through this.

Orgo is difficult even in the best of times…if you take it again, get the book “Organic Chemistry as a second language”

You know that running away is not the best solution (even though it might feel like it)…withdrawing from orgo was a good idea as you can use your time to do well in other classes.