<p>I’m doing my own topic, but is it fundamental for that topic to address how it impacts me? Do they want specific events? Because I was going to talk about an idea I had and how it relates to my cycle in life.</p>
<p>Here’s a part of what I’ve wrote for my commonapp essay. It doesn’t get anywhere, it’s just the introduction.</p>
<p>Televisions are the spawn of laziness in mankind. But recently televisions are becoming more and more complex; buyers must research on numerous topics ranging from resolution, ports, viewing distance, additional peripherals, the list is unbelievable. Not to mention the price consumers have to pay, forces them to do the utmost research on televisions, wasting considerable amounts of time. However this is perhaps for the greater good of society.</p>
<p>Hmm… it’s different, that’s for sure.</p>
<p>“more and more” is very elementary - how about “increasingly”?</p>
<p>“additional peripherals, the list is unbelievable.” –> I’d put: “additional peripherals–the list is unbelievable.”</p>
<p>“Not to mention” is awk and the comma used after it is used incorrectly - it’s simply inappropriate for the reader to take a pause there. How about just “The price consumers have to pay truly forces them to do the utmost research on televisions, wasting…”</p>
<p>The comma after “Although” is unnecessary. Just do “Although televisions…”</p>
<p>Okay thanks for the grammar tips, I was just trying to pump out some ideas quickly. I was going to proof read it later. I’m just wondering if the topic would be appropriate for the common app.</p>
<p>Well, IMHO, what you have so far seems more of the beginning for a research topic - not a common app essay.</p>
<p>However, you said “I was going to talk about an idea I had and how it relates to my cycle in life.” so if you relate it to yourself, then it may turn out good.</p>
<p>Overall, it seems good. The only thing that I might change with it is the first line. You talk about how televisions are the spawn of laziness, but personally I don’t feel that it ties in well with the rest of the paragraph. Keep working on it and best of luck!</p>