Am I Too Stupid For College?

College Confidential Community
1

I just started college as a feshman a little over a month ago. I go to a decent college in Boston and I’m happy to have been accepted here. Throughout highschool I did pretty well. I never really had to study for tests and I did all my homework. I also took a couple college level courses and did well. I averaged a 95 over my highschool years.

Now, Since starting college I feel like I’m stupid. I feel like I just can’t do it. As an example, I have taken a couple exams so far. I got a 70 on my calc test and an 78 on my accouting test. Class average was a 74 on the accouting test. I feel like this is awful. I tried my best to study and studied for a few hours for each test. I do all the homework for each class and take notes. I know it’s very early but I genuinely think I’m too stupid. I couldn’t possibly study any harder. I thought I knew the material in and out. Come the test, there are very specific questions that go really deep on some things and don’t even touch upon other things.

My overall college experience so far is pretty terrible. Me and my roommate are not friends for many reasons and I haven’t found any good friends on campus so I basically hang out by myself all day every day. I feel like It’s an endless cycle of work where I can’t get a decent grade on it no matter how hard I try. Are college tests and work usually this hard? I obviously was expecting it to be harder than highschool but by this much? I don’t mind doing the work its just the fact I always seem to do so bad on it.

So I guess my overall question is that is this normal? I realize I have many years of college ahead of me but I’m doubting that I can do it. Will it get better? Thanks for all the responses, I really appreciate it.

2

@rsoxs19 - the answer to your question is no, you’re not too stupid for college because you are Passing college exams. High School grades are not the same as college grades. I know those “C” s hurt but yes, college can be that much harder and it will get better. I went to a LAC where the first semester of freshman year all classes were pass/fail, supposedly to reduce the number of freshman contemplating jumping off of bridges when they saw their grades. You can do this, you just need to figure out how to “college” study. Look for help, ask for tutoring, go into office hours - reach out to whatever resources are available but also - give yourself a break. I don’t think I got an A in college until Junior year and I have done fine. Ditto my kids friends… You are totally not alone!

3

Yes to all of the above ^ ! Go to office hours and tutoring. Work ahead if you can so you aren’t seeing the material for the first time in lecture. It’s super common for kids who breezed through hs to have a big adjustment to college level work. You can do this!

4

Don’t forget that a college semester goes a LOT faster than a high school course. The way you studied in high school will not work in college.
Also, to get A’s, you must see the tutors. You must get involved in study groups and the tutors can help you with that. Your study groups can break up the readings.

Tutors will help you to learn how to study for a test, take notes, highlight your readings, and work with the supplemental texts. You also need to review the online recordings of your classes.

You can also go to the writing center on your campus. They will review how you write to submit your narrative answers on tests.

Good luck! You are not the only student having these problems at this time in the semester.

5

I think for nearly every student who doesn’t really have to study but gets good grades, at some point they hit the wall and the party ends. I have a son who discovered this as a freshman in high school. He never had to do much and always got very good grades. Sadly, because of this he didn’t learn to study or manage his time. He was a bit shell shocked as you are. Now he is a sophomore and he’s still trying to figure this out. For you, your party ended when you hit college. Yes, you have to study a lot and use all the resources available to you.

As far as the social adjustment. Keep trying. It’s hard and I think harder than ever for your generation with the reliance on technology to fill time and socialize but if you keep at it, your social group will come along. If you have that the work will be less annoying to you. Good luck!

6

Welcome to college! Use the above advice. Go to the learning center like today and work on strategies, peer to peer for tutoring is great. Learn time management skills… Your college will help with this.

My son and his roommate was just cordial. Not really friends. He was like you. He decided to do something about it. Went to meet up groups in his interest. Meet some students. Started a club that didn’t exist. Now is very active in his schools community and met a lot of people. He is not Mr Outgoing so we are proud he got out of his comfort zone. Join clubs or groups to meet people. He also joined flag football just for fun and met people through his job at school… Many ways to meet people at college… Just have to start looking for it. It won’t just come to you.

7

Sorry that you are going through this! Keep working hard and don’t get discouraged by getting less than your normal A’s. Give yourself a chance to get adjusted, take advantage of all academic resources, and find 1 club or service activity to get involved in. As others have suggested, study groups are a great way to meet other people.

Don’t worry about your roommate, as long as you can coexist peacefully be grateful and find friends elsewhere.

Please look after your mental health proactively- use a meditation app, make an appointment to see a counselor and exercise regularly. Both DD and DS went through this and it was very hard, in part because they felt so alone, but it is completely normal. One of the most important things they learned is resiliency-do your best and don’t give up, even when your best doesn’t seem good enough.

8

Do you go to Boston University by any chance? If so, it is famous for grade deflation (or the absence of grade inflation). In any case, not doing as well as you expected is absolutely normal, especially in freshman year.

Several posters above suggested going to office hours; in addition to understanding the material better, you’ll also show to your professors that you care about their class and put that extra effort into learning this stuff. This may well add some extra points for participation to your final grade.

9

My bad for not responding sooner. I’ve been pretty busy with school work and actually forgot about the thread for a little while. I do not go to Boston University. I think I can take those first 2 tests as a learning experience. Those were my first ever college tests and I guess I shouldn’t be too hard on myself. What’s really hitting me hard now is the social aspect of college.

I’m not a very outgoing person to begin with. I have a hard time making new friends. When in high school I basically hung out with the same couple friends I met from elementary school and now that I moved away from home I obviously don’t see them as often.

Last year I was so excited to move away from home because of all the new freedom I would have and because all of my other relatives lived at home during college. I was determined to get out of my hometown and go explore despite being shy. I even hope to study abroad since none of my relatives did. I have always pushed myself into new situations even though I know I’ll be uncomfortable. It’s weird.

Now that I’m at a college 3 hours away from home I absolutely regret the decision. I don’t have a single friend here. Not one. I basically wake up, go to class, eat alone, go to the library until its time to go back to the room to take a shower and go to bed. Rinse and repeat every single day. The weekends are the worst because everyone is having fun with their groups of friends while I’m in the library for the entire day. My friends back home are still living in their houses, going out to eat with friends and having fun doing stuff with people from high school all while going to college too.

My parents and family ask how it is living on campus and I always tell them what a good time it is. I couldn’t possibly tell my parents I absolutely hate it here. They’re paying $2,800 a month for me to go here which I am extremely grateful they are doing. On the outside, it looks like I have a great life and in many ways I absolutely do. I got good grades in high school, I’m going to a decent college in Boston all while my parents pay for the whole thing. I am very grateful for my situation.

I think part of the reason I have a hard time making friends is because of how I view myself. I have known my friends from home for 10+ years so I feel comfortable around them. When I try to make new friends in college I always tell myself, why would they want to be friends with a loser like me? I’m such a worthless piece of sh**. They’re so much better than me. They already have their friend group and don’t need me. Everybody is better than me… I don’t mind being alone but I feel this is excessive. I can’t get out of my head how worthless I am.

Now, the only reason I stay here is because of… the job. When I graduate I really want to have a great job. That’s something I didn’t think I could get at a community college back home. So I tell myself to put my head down and grind until I land that awesome job. Most of me wants to live in Boston after college because of the opportunities this college will offer but part of me wants to get a job in a city near where I grew up. I feel like if I do decide to go back home this whole college experience would be a waste because I could have gotten the same job if I went to a local college as my friends did without all these problems. It would defeat the purpose of going to an out of state school.

I feel so conflicted now. I love the academics here and possible job outcomes but I hate myself for not being social. I feel like a complete failure and I don’t even deserve to have friends if I can’t bring myself to just talk to people. I know I’m a loser. Life will continue. I’ll wake up to my roommate at 3 a.m tomorrow. I’ll go to my 8 a.m class, eat breakfast then go to my later class. I’ll end the day in the library just to repeat the same schedule every day until I finally get to go home on a break. All this time I put on a smile and just pretend like I fit in all while knowing I don’t.

Sorry, this is so long. It’s not like I have anything better to do…

TL;DR OP is a loser who can’t make friends. Is determined to get a good job after college so he puts his head down and just looks forward to that.

10

@rsoxs19 I’m sending hugs your way…it really does sound like a tough time and I just want to say that I respect your gumption and your determination. You’re the kind of person who does well in life and you’re going to come through this.

11

Lots of kids have a hard time meeting others on campus but what are you doing to rectify the situation? As my earlier post suggest have you joined any clubs or groups that interest you? If kids are not going to come to you, you have to go to them. Get out of your comfort zone. My son met another kid since they were both going to the football games alone. They actually met and talked at the bus stop. Now they go to some games together. My son this semester joined a softball team. He said they absolutely suck. But they have a lot of fun together. Any campus has groups and clubs to join. How about going to just one this week?

12

I would also recommend not giving up. You do not sound too dumb for college at all. Just do the best you can.

13

Well… I think you could. Things you can do:

  • Try to get a bit ahead in your classes. If you do the reading and attempt the homework before the lecture on it, you’ll have a better idea of the nuances you are missing.
  • What worked in HS won’t work in college. Profs expect more and competition is stiffer. I guarantee that some students in your Calc and accounting classes have taken previous classes in that subject, so you have to hustle hard to keep up with them.
  • Studying a few hours for a test doesn’t sound like enough. You need to understand every scrap of material inside and out. Don’t brush off those problems at the end of the set that are super hard. Don’t have that “Ah, I see how they did that once they show me, but I’m not sure I’d figure it out on my own” reaction and let it go. You REALLY have to understand those and be able to recognize/replicate.
  • Go to office hours for what you don’t understand. If any department tutoring is offered, go. See if you can form a study group to go over problems together.
  • Try to predict what the test will cover. One of my kids (who graduated near the top of her college class) made a habit of thinking about this before every quiz or test and prepping accordingly.
  • Budget your time well. Go straight to the library after dinner and not back to the dorm, so you don’t get dragged into socializing. Don’t lose too much of your weekend to partying and hangovers.

You aren’t too dumb at all. But you don’t have the study habits yet for a more competitive environment. You can do this, but you have to up your game.

14

What works for HS, doesn’t always work for college.

Here are tips: http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/1920853-college-is-a-step-up-from-hs-16-tips-on-doing-well-in-college.html