<p>Ok here’s the deal. I spent 6 years in the military and returned to school afterwords using my GI Bill. I just turned 30, and will soon graduate.</p>
<pre><code>Anyhow, over the course of my time back at school, I found something strange has happened to me, atleast insofar as this sort of thing has never happened.
I have been attracted to, enamored with this now almost 22 year old girl that is in the same department as me as far as majors go, and we are now on the same design team for a software project. Anyway, over the course of the time I have been studying I have become attracted to, enamored with her.
This feels strange to me, I just turned 30 and she’s 2 months from 22. Am I weird? Is that wrong? Anyway, Down to brass tax. The question itself: I have been wrestling with the idea, of at the conclusion of this project which will end this semester, of revealing what I have just shared here, but am not sure if I should.
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<p>Therefore, I figure this website probably has a large membership of that age range, so decided to ask here: Girls, in the range of 21-22, if you found out a 30 year old was attracted to you what would be your reaction? Honestly.</p>
<p>Looking for honest opinions here, please do not judge.</p>
<p>Well I’m only 18 and personally I would be shocked because I look young for my age and usually it’s like 15 year old boys who like me. But I would think it’s kinda hot if an “older man” liked me. Very Jane and Rochester :). Honestly I would probably be too intimidated to date him though</p>
<p>That’s true. There is also the racial divide to to contend with though. I am black and she is white. To me it doesn’t matter, but even in modern times it seems some make a big deal out of this sort of thing.</p>
<p>The older you are, the less that age difference becomes. I think it depends on the people involved- some 22 year olds are still in much different place in their lives than a 30 year old, but it might be OK for others. In my opinion, I think the difference at this point in your lives might be a little too much, where if she were 28 and you were 36 it wouldn’t be such a big deal. As for the race thing, I guess I don’t even think about that, but I know it could be a factor for some people and maybe more so in some parts of the country. That is really a personal thing.</p>
<p>I can’t speak of personal experience, but I have some knowledge on similar situations. My grandfather was eight years older than my grandmother, albeit they were both white. However, I don’t think race is very important especially in America and Europe where interracial couples are becoming more and more common. </p>
<p>I’ve heard the rule that it is inappropriate to date someone if they are less than seven years older than half your age. Since you are 30, 22 would be about the lowest age of a girl you should date. This scale is rather arbitrary, but I think it gives you a good idea of roughly the age of a girl appropriate to date. In your case, you are a bit borderline, so I see why you’re in a predicament.</p>
<p>Anyway, I think your best shot is to start hanging out as friends. Invite her to the movies or whatever with a group so that it isn’t awkward. If she has a good time, consider asking her on a date. If you straight up say that you love her, she might be creeped out.</p>
<p>My dad is 11 years older than my mom. And it’s not that strange or uncommon. And plus it’s a psychological thing for men to be attracted to women younger than them. It has something to do with fertility and youth… But anyway, Try talking to her. Who knows? You might share similar interests and she may not even care about age or race. Give it a whirl.</p>
<p>My husband is 7 years older than me. We met in law school when i was 21 and he was 28. I did not even notice the age difference because we were at the same point in our lives, going to the same classes and working toward the same goal. Sounds like you have some things in common which would lessen the age difference issue. I wish you luck. My husband and I are about to celebrate our 20th anniversary. The only time age has been an issue is when I tease him for hitting the big age milestones looooong before his “child bride”.</p>
<p>It’s no big deal. I’m 22 and live with a 31 year old. We aren’t romantically involved but I could easily see him involved with my other roommate who is almost 22. We’re both more mature than he is despite age differences. </p>
<p>You’re both consenting adults. Who is anyone to judge?</p>
<p>I think it is perfectly normal for you to be attracted to her. The question is does she reciprocate. Invite her out for coffee or something. Get to know her outside the project and see if she is insterested in dating. Give it a chance and see what happens. And you will know if the race thing is an issue with her. It is much better now than it used to be.</p>
<p>I was just a few months past 22 and in grad school when I met my future husband, who was almost 31 at the time. He asked me to marry him three months later, and we’ve been married 26 1/2 years. Worked out for us!</p>
<p>Sticker and MaineLonghorn, I’m curious to know then, who approached who and how was it done? I’m guessing differently in some way given the age? Was the age difference ever even a concern?</p>
<p>“The question itself: I have been wrestling with the idea, of at the conclusion of this project which will end this semester, of revealing what I have just shared here, but am not sure if I should.”</p>
<p>Do NOT share this information in the way you explained it above because you will probably frighten her and she will think you are a stalker. Now, if you want to ask her for coffee and guage how it could progress from there, that would be a better way to go about it. Saying to any girl that you are “enamored” with her, in my opinion may set off alarm bells. Be chill about your request to get coffee (or whatever other casual meeting) and if she is interested, you will find out. I do not think the age difference is as big a deal as you might think. It all depends on how close you are in maturity levels. (versus actual age) And guys do mature a little slower, so older guys are just starting to catch up to younger girls. (sorry if this offended any very mature young men, because it is not always the case, so I am apologizing in advance)</p>
<p>Marybee, I guess you are right. Though I am not sure what a better word is. I’m just using it to mean someone you like have grown quite fond of, etc. I have kept these emotions bottled up for the past 2 years.</p>
<p>Democrities- I do know someone who was enamored with another and they wrote a long letter expressing themselves and presented it to them in person and waited for it to be read and the recipient was freaked out and their friendship completely ended and they had been friends for a few years. I am not saying that you would write a letter like this, but even in person, it might be kind of overwhelming for someone, especially if they have no idea. Hoping for the best for you. Be chill!</p>
<p>It’s funny that you should mention a letter, because an idea I had floating around my head revolved around that. The idea was even if I never got a chance to ask her out or what not I would do this: I am due to graduate in December 2013. She not until May 2014. So in the event I never got a chance, I was floating the idea of writing a letter telling her how I felt, and giving it to her right before I graduated. That way, I wouldn’t have that deep regret of never having told her, and then if she was uncomfortable with it she wouldn’t necesarily ever see me again, whereas if she was positive in her reaction to it, she could always choose to contact me again outside the context of school, since after graduation I would be gone.</p>
<p>Democrites- I think the idea of asking her for coffee is a good one. It’s a good way for you both to get to know each other outside of class. You’ve had feelings for her for a long time, and asking her for coffee is a subtle way of suggesting the two of you get to know each other. I’m a mom, not a young woman, but I think I would have been freaked out by the sudden revelation of feelings and would rather it happen gradually if it was meant to be.
You can’t predict what will happen from there, but if she is interested in you, or would like to be your friend, asking her for coffee or lunch is a good way to find out.</p>
<p>Intparent Pennylane, good Idea I think that’s what Im going to do. The project concludes near the end of the semester (in April), when we have to deliver the functional product to the sponsor company. I’ll do it then.</p>
<p>GolfFather, thanks, wasn’t sure how it was spelled, I just remember our Divisional Chief Petty Officer saying it every morning at quarters and it sort of stuck.</p>