American Idol Essay

<p>This is in response to Penn's page 217 out of 300 page biography prompt.
Please rate and tell me what you think think, thanks! My name is TJ Du, btw.</p>

<pre><code> Deja Du 217


<p>I used to be a nail-biter before I got braces. But I had to kick the habit because the metal wires made it impossible for my nails to fit between my teeth. After two years of agonizing adjustments, I emerged with my habit cured and a nice smile to boot. Still, there were times I caught myself nibbling away at my fingertips. It happened only before musical auditions though. Unfortunately, I went through about six rounds of auditions every year. The worst was if the person before me really nailed his audition. That was when I broke out the bicuspids. With all this anxiety, one would think I might live a few more years if I’d just quit the business altogether. Yet, one of the biggest auditions of my life actually turned out to be the most enjoyable. It wasn’t just another school audition. I tried out for American Idol. </p>

<p>My parents and I left for the New York audition venue early one Thursday morning. The audition process actually didn’t begin until Saturday at noon, but I wanted to beat the crowd. At the end of the first day, there were over six thousand people lined up around the audition venue, the Jacob Javitz Convention Center. Surprisingly, a significant number of people in the group were heavy smokers. I remembered falling asleep underneath the New York skyline that night, wishing that I had brought a fan, or at least an air freshener.</p>

<p>The following day was the highlight of my trip. The American Idol staff had set up games and karaoke systems around the Convention Center for people to step up and perform. My parents had told me to save my voice for the audition the next day, but God knows I couldn’t help myself. I was like a little kid in a candy store. Backstreet boys, Aerosmith, Bon Jovi, you name the pop song, I sang it. I had been to karaoke parties with friends before, but I was never this aggressive. There was something electric about the atmosphere. Whenever I stepped up to the microphone, something clicked inside me and the music just poured out. I sang for most of the day, occasionally watching other people perform too. There were a lot of very talented musicians there. There was moment when the crowd broke out into a collective rendition of “Lean on Me” by Al Green. I loved it. </p>

<p>The next day, I woke up at 2AM to get ready for my big moment. Everybody was really serious all of a sudden. The carnival-like atmosphere of the previous day had evaporated. It was cold competition from then on. I then went on to audition for the producer. I sang my song, “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” by Aerosmith. Halfway through my second verse, I forgot the lyrics. I eventually remembered, but the damage had been done. However, I didn’t regret going out there.</p>

<p>Ironically, the most exciting part of the trip wasn’t the audition itself. It was actually just the experience of being with other people who loved to sing. At my school, there were those who only sang because they had the voice for it, but there were only a handful of people who truly loved singing for the sake of singing. I was proud to say I loved singing for what it was. That summer day, there were well over ten thousand people dying to audition because they also loved to sing. To say it was fun is an understatement. It was exhilarating.</p>

<p>not to be offensive but ur conclusion doesnt stand out and sounds a bit cliched<remember you="" want="" to="" get="" the="" reader's="" attention="" be="" unique="" thousands="" of="" others="" are="" gonna="" do="" something="" just="" like="" man="" gotta="" have="" somethins="" specific="" or="">, but stick with your topic and descriptions i think they are good.</remember></p>

<p>bump- thanks anyone else have thoughts?</p>

<p>There is a problem with the structure of your essay. When you are asked to write "page 217 out of 300 page biography", it is not an ordinary essay with an introduction and conclusion. It should read as a page torn out of a middle of the book. In your case it is an advantage, I think. Drop your intro, just tell the story (do it vividly show the atmosphere), and then just cut it off, as if turning the page.</p>

<p>I thought the conclusion was weird with the essay, it kinda felt like you cut off very fast. But I liked it.</p>

<p>I think it'd be amusing to start in the middle of a sentence and end in the middle of a sentence as if it really were page 217 of a book. You really need to think about the prompt, and make sure that it reads like a part of a bigger story rather than an individual essay, as nngmm pointed out.</p>

<p>It seems like your second to last paragraph either needs to be a much larger part of the essay (cut out some of the earlier stuff?), or could be cut out together maybe in favor of a one-line paragraph to the effect of "I bombed my audition", in order to emphasize the day before and emphasize that that is what you really cared about. Also not to be nitpicky but in the third sentence of the last paragraph, "there were those who only sang" I think would work better as "there were many who only sang" to get the idea across maybe. Anyway I like the essay and what you're saying! good luck!</p>