Amherst College Transfer Essay

<p>Can someone please proofread and suggest how to improve my essay? </p>

<p>Thank you so much! Please respond to the following prompt in an essay of 250-500 words. Describe the life experiences, personal factors and notable challenges that have influenced you most as a student and a person.</p>

<p>Posting your essay is not a good idea, there are better ways to get help. See the sticky thread on the Essay forum.</p>

<p>Hi entomom,</p>

<p>I'm new here and I had no idea. Thank you so much for your advice. What is a "sticky thread?" How Can I delete my posting? I can't seem to find a "delete" button. </p>

<p>Thank you so much, once again!</p>

<p>Considering you posted it already I will critique it. </p>

<p>Your story is nice, but it drags on. The first sentence is a run-on and is sort of convoluted. You need to better explain how this life experience has impacted you. You dedicate approximately 3 sentences to this in the last paragraph. This needs to be expanded on. You need to create a more holistic explanation of how this life experience has impacted you. Also, you speak often of "mediocre jobs" or "never responding to anyone". You need to be much more specific. The three key rules to writing these essays is </p>

<p>1) Be Honest
2) Be Mature
3) Be Specific.</p>

<p>This feels like an over the top cliche essay that is very vague. </p>

<p>I hope that helped.</p>

<p>Thank you so much, Yakov! Your suggestions and comments did help. I wholeheartedly appreciate it.</p>