An Amish lesson in coping with the unspeakable

Parent Cafe
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<p>I know that lots of people will think that I’m hopelessly naive, but I believe that the world would have been a much better place if the US had coped with Sept. 11 in this kind of way. I felt that way from the time that I saw on TV the second plane hit the World Trade Center. Indeed, September 11 is what led me to become involved in the nonviolence movement.</p>

<p>"By Ron Allen
Correspondent
NBC News</p>

<p>NICKEL MINES, Pa. — “We don’t know what God’s purpose is,” John told me, “but we believe there is a purpose.” We were standing on the edge of a pumpkin patch. </p>

<p>John is an Amish man . …My assignment was to find out how the Amish community is dealing with this unspeakable tragedy…</p>

<p>The pumpkin patch was at the bottom of a hillside where a one-room schoolhouse sat. It was just like the schoolhouse that Charles Carl Roberts besieged.</p>

<p>Kids were playing in the yard outside of the school, as John chatted with us. I was surprised. He wasn’t. “Life has to go on, we have to pick up the pieces and go on,” he said almost matter-of-factly.</p>

<p>Don’t misunderstand John or the other members of his community. Don’t let the 18th century clothes he wore, plain black slacks held up by suspenders, plain white shirt, his straight beard, and otherwise clean shaven face and straw hat, don’t let that make you think for one second that he doesn’t hurt, grieve or mourn. </p>

<p>His faith teaches him to believe all of this horror will help bring him and his neighbors closer to their God, closer to each other and closer to ‘the English…’" </p>

<p>I had heard that some people from the Amish community were perhaps going to meet with Marie Roberts, the gunman’s wife. John assured me that would happen soon, if it hadn’t already. …</p>

<p>Finally he asked me to promise to include this message in my story. “We appreciate the help and support of the police and firefighters and our neighbors. God’s blessing to everyone. God has a reason for this. We don’t know yet and we may not find out in our lives…”
<a href=“http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15120230/page/2/[/url]”>http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15120230/page/2/&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>NSM - </p>

<p>Thank you for this. There is something in the way that the Amish see God and faith that is a lesson for us all. In these days of extremism and fundamentalism in all religions, humans have turned into a bunch of know-it-alls with pat explanations for everything. </p>

<p>This is a great article I read in Time this week that speaks to accepting the unknown and the danger posed to us all by those in authority who think they know it all. I hope some of you will take the time to read it.</p>

<p><a href=“http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1541466-1,00.html[/url]”>http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1541466-1,00.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>Thanks, ldmom, for posting that link. This part of the article particularly resonated with me:</p>

<p>“If God really is God, then God must, by definition, surpass our human understanding. Not entirely. We have Scripture; we have reason; we have religious authority; we have our own spiritual experiences of the divine. But there is still something we will never grasp, something we can never know–because God is beyond our human categories. And if God is beyond our categories, then God cannot be captured for certain. We cannot know with the kind of surety that allows us to proclaim truth with a capital T. There will always be something that eludes us. If there weren’t, it would not be God.”</p>

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<p>If God really is God, then God must, by definition, surpass our human understanding. Not entirely. We have Scripture; we have reason; we have religious authority; we have our own spiritual experiences of the divine. But there is still something we will never grasp, something we can never know–because God is beyond our human categories. And if God is beyond our categories, then God cannot be captured for certain. We cannot know with the kind of surety that allows us to proclaim truth with a capital T. There will always be something that eludes us. If there weren’t, it would not be God."</p>

<p>Amen</p>

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<p>It strikes me that the Amish live a fatalist life. In some cases (such as this), perhaps, that is the healthiest way to cope with unspeakable events. </p>

<p>Isn’t Islam supposed to embrace fatalism too? “Inshallah” --“It is God’s will.”
Doesn’t sit well with the fundamental extremists does it?</p>

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<p>NSM–I have always admired the Amish’s commitment to the values of simplicity and nonviolence. Being a modern woman, I couldn’t live with the gender constraints, but I very much admire what they aspire to.</p>

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<p>NSM:</p>

<p>I respect the Amish for the strength of their belief, and acknowledge how it helps them cope, but I could not share that belief. I do not believe that God “has a reason” for this senseless, horrific violence — not this instance, not 9/11, not the Holocaust, not the commonplace tragedy of children who die in their sleep or car-jackings that leave toddlers motherless. I do not believe that God has a purpose that ordains these events to take place and we just don’t see the purpose because we can’t fathom God’s plan. </p>

<p>When I lost a loved one, I did not find any comfort in being told that God must “want her more” or “need her for some purpose” or God has a reason for everything that happens or there’s a plan and we just don’t know it. I do understand how that belief comforts people; it just doesn’t make any sense to me. I prefer the point of view outlined in a book that helped me through my grief at the time: When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold Kushner. Simply put, his point is this: God can be all powerful, or God can be all good, just, and loving…but cannot be both given the terrible things that happen. </p>

<p>Short quote from the book: Let me suggest that the author of the Book of Job takes the position which neither Job nor his friends take. He believes in God’s goodness and in Job’s goodness, and is prepared to give up his belief in the proposition that God is all-powerful. Bad things do happen to good people in this world, but it is not God who wills it. God would like people to get what they deserve in life, but cannot always arrange it. Forced to choose between a good God who is not all powerful or a powerful God who is not all good (or just), the author of the Book of Job chooses to believe in God’s goodness…It is too difficult, even for God, to keep cruelty and chaos from claiming their innocent victims. But could man, without God, do it better?</p>

<p>… Kushner describes God’s battle with the sea serpent Leviathan, then comments: If the sea serpent is a symbol of chaos and evil, of all the uncontrollable things in the world (as it traditionally is in ancient mythology), the author may be saying there too that even God has a hard time keeping chaos in check and limiting the damage that evil can do. </p>

<p>His conclusion: There ought to be a sense of relief in coming to the conclusion that God is not doing this to us. If God is a God of justice and not of power, then God can still be on our side when bad things happen to us. Our misfortunes are not God’s doing, so we can still turn to God for help…We can be angry at what has happened to us, without feeling that we are angry at God. More than that, we can recognize our anger at life’s unfairness, our instinctive compassion at seeing people suffer, as coming from God who teaches us to be angry at injustice and to feel compassion for the afflicted. Instead of feeling that we are opposed to God, we can feel that our indignation is God’s anger at unfairness working through us, that when we cry out, we are still on God’s side, and He is still on ours. </p>

<p>This book helped me immeasurably to get past grief and anger at God after my sister died suddenly. I gave it to my 16-year-old son to read after he lost a close friend during the school year. In fact, when the high school administration announced plans to run grief counseling sessions — the school had three student deaths in the space of five months — the one concern I had was that the counselors not try to impart a “there’s a reason for everything that happens” explanation to the students, but just let them talk about their feelings of loss.</p>

<p>It’s JMO, but there is no “reason” ordained from above why such terrible things happen. Sorry for the long post.</p>

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<p>Gandhi is credited with defeating British imperialism through non-violent means and he deserves praise for his theories and courage. But can you imagine what would have happened to Gandhi if he had used these tactics with Stalin or al Qaeda? He would have been killed and we would have never known of Gandhi. It is only because Gandhi was dealing with the humane British that he was successful. If only all our enemies were as humane.</p>

<p>The only reason the Amish are free to practice their wonderfully Christ-like compassion and forgiveness is because brave American men and women stand ready to defend them. Bless the Amish and all who aspire to be like them, but also bless the good people who protect them.</p>

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<p>I have to agree with jazzymom totally. I was at a funeral for a little five year old girl we knew who was thrown from her parents’ car when it skidded off the road. There was no “accident” as in car damage, but the little girl was dead. Our pastor was doing the funeral and said that it was “God’s Will” that took the little girl from her parents.</p>

<p>I felt so much anger at that and wanted to stand up mid-funeral and yell, “Alan (pastor’s name), you idiot, it wasn’t God who killed the little girl. It was her parents not having her in a seat belt or car seat in a moving car!”</p>

<p>It also reminds me of people who interpret surviving an accident where others were killed as “God was looking out for me that day.” That implies that God was NOT looking out for the less fortunate ones. That kind of thinking actually undermines religion.</p>

<p>There was no “purpose” to the killings in Pennsylvania. It was a senseless, horrific act of a deranged human being. God did not kill those little girls.</p>

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<p>DRJ4 – the Amish and their forebearers have been around for 500 years. They survived massive persecution in Europe and migrated all over Europe, including Russia before immigrating to the US, Canada, and a variety of places in South America. They have practiced their faith under tremendous pressure and persecution in many times and place. Their faith is not dependent on the US military for protection. Part of the reason they have such fatalistic theology is because of that history. They believe that if they are faithful, God will also be faithful, even if it is in the world to come. Also those of them who were abused at US military training facilities in WWI because they refused to put on a military uniform would hardly see the US as “protecting” them.</p>

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<p>As a rational person, I have never once been able to “explain away” senseless tragedies as G-d’s will. Sometimes ***t just happens. It is bad luck, misfortune, asundry other reasons. Life is unfair.</p>

<p>OTOH, I do understand why some feel the need to justify premature death as G-d’s will. Sometimes the burden is easier when shared.</p>

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<p>I don’t subscribe to a God’s will kind of fatalism, either, though many, many Christians of all stripes that I know do. I think it removes the concept of frree will, which I think faith needs to be based on.</p>

<p>That said, I still admire the Amish steadfastness towards values, including nonviolence. And if you think they’re depending on the US military to protect that value, you need to read a lot more on their history.</p>

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<p>Garland,</p>

<p>I agree that the Amish don’t ask the American military to protect them. Their history and their actions demonstrate they are willing to die for their beliefs. But they nevertheless live in relative peace because they are protected by the American military, as are we all.</p>

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<p>Correction, DRJ4, they are protected by the Constitution – which regulates the military, and all other parts of government.</p>

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<p>jazzymom~</p>

<p>You posted what I would have if I had gotten here first. My father was a rabbi, just as Harold Kushner, and he recommended that book to me at one point. It has been the <em>only</em> thing that I’ve read that makes any sense to me at all. The concept of “randomization,” or, plainly translated, “***** happens” is the only way that I can cope with the senseless events that claim young and innocent lives. G-d, instead of having a role in <em>that</em> event, is there, steady and true, to help one pick up the pieces <em>AFTER</em>. </p>

<p>I often wish that I could embrace the notion that “everthing happens for a reason.” I cannot. Like dig, I become angry and jaded at even the least consideration of that notion. If G-d were <em>that</em> powerful, I would hope he would act for the good of his “children” here on Earth and not expose them to the brutality, death and destruction that we see in the news daily.</p>

<p>I find nothing particulary noble or functional about writing these sorts of events off to “G-d’s will.” But, I am also four square behind <em>anything</em> that anyone finds personally helpful in dealing with these unspeakable tragedies that have the potential to derail us all psychologically. </p>

<p>~berurah</p>

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<p>Leanid,</p>

<p>Our rights are protected by the Constitution. Our safety (to the extent possible) comes from our military, law enforcement and personal vigilance.</p>

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<p>I’m just saying the Amish would say not that their safety comes from military, law enforcement or personal vigilance, but from the hand of God. As do any rights they might have. They have a very strong theology of “the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord”. So that for them living in peace is not dependent on external circumstances, and if in this world their physical safety is threatened, they trust that they are safe in God’s hands eternally.</p>

<p>You are welcome not to agree with them, but please recognize that they would see things differently than you do.</p>

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<p>addendum – while some here have second guessed the teacher’s decision to call for help rather than staying with the children, I am sure that in the Amish community there is also discussion about it from a different perspective – they really don’t believe that you should ask anyone else to kill in order to protect you or your family.</p>

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<p>jazzymom, dig, berurah and others,
I am in thorough agreement with you. I too, become incensed when I hear people say things like “it was G-d’s will” when dealing with tragic death. My children lost two wonderful grandparents to horrendous debilitating diseases in the space of three months. Those deaths shook my religious beliefs to the core and if I ever believed in G-d, that was the end of that. Maybe the concept of faith in G-d does exist to help pick up the pieces after tragedy.</p>

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<p>Northstar, would you please elaborate on your belief that: “I believe that the world would have been a much better place if the US had coped with Sept. 11 in this kind of way.”</p>

<p>By this, do you mean that Sept 11th was God’s (or Allah’s) will, that he sent the terrorist to carry out that will? Or do you perhaps believe that we, as a nation should have reacted to the events of Sept 11th in much the same way the Amish have reacted to the massacre of their children a the hands of this madman? I suspect you mean the latter, but I’m asking because I really am trying to understand your statement. </p>

<p>If we had simply mourned the loses experienced on Sept 11th, and moved on believing that it had been God’s will, and that we should just accept that, I wonder what would have happened? Would terrorist organizations have stopped targeting us? Would we be any safer now had we not taken the military action that we did (I am speaking of Afghanistan, NOT Iraq, which of course had nothing to do with 9/11)?</p>