An ethical question.

Pre-College Topics High School Life
1

<p>1) My internet friend T is transgendered (man => woman). She’s been depressed her whole life about having been born the wrong gender. Recently she started hormone therapy, and now she pretty much looks like a girl.</p>

<p>2) Her wife A is unhappy over this (understandably) and will not let her have the operation. T is suicidal because the one person whose acceptance she needs the most will not give it to her. A is distressed because she’s married to a girl. A has attempted suicide over this fact. A is traditional Asian, and T believes A would be less ashamed if T was dead than if T was female.</p>

<p>3) T is very rational and serious about her suicide. She has been planning the act for months, has ordered all the ingredients, and has a fixed date in mind. She plans to go out in a way that will be painless and cause minimal burden to her loved ones. She’s in her late 40’s and has had ample time to consider the consequences of her actions.</p>

<p>4) A refuses to consider divorce or to have an affair with another man.</p>

<p>5) Enter W. W and T meet on an internet forum and become friends. They talk for several hours every day. W listens to T’s problems and tells her not to be so hard on herself. T says W may give her a reason to live. They are not in a formal relationship and have never met in person, but W addresses T as “dear,” and T refers to herself as “W’s girl.” T is likely closer to W than she is with her wife.</p>

<p>My question: does W’s behavior constitute “cheating,” and if so, is his cheating acceptable?</p>

2

<p>Holy crap, you’re worried about cheating when someone’s about to commit suicide?!</p>

<p>Well, I don’t consider strictly-internet relationships legitimate romantic relationships, so, in my eyes, no. And besides, </p>

<p>But seriously. Someone’s about to end her life. Do something.</p>

3

<p>W isn’t cheating on anybody! Duh, lol.</p>

4

<p>W is doing something. W listens to her and makes her feel accepted. Once he managed to stop her from cutting herself for a whole week just by talking to her. Clearly he must be doing something good.</p>

<p>At the same time, it’s kind of cheating.</p>

5

<p>NoOoOoOooo, I mean W isn’t cheating - if anyone, T is. I think it’s fine though, A sounds like a complete *******.</p>

6

<p>Even if what W is doing is cheating (it’s not), cheating > allowing someone to kill themselves.</p>

7

<p>Depending on the State, the marriage may be void or ambiguous at even federal level.</p>

<p>

Conservatism in sex and gender identity is hardly part of “traditional Asian” culture afaik.</p>

<p>Is A a lesbian? Is T a lesbian?</p>

<p>If the answer to either of these questions is negative, do your part as a friend and help hook T up irl, perhaps with W.</p>

8

<p>Well it’s official now - they actually are calling themselves boyfriend and girlfriend.</p>

9

<p>Good! They should ditch A altogether.</p>

10

<p>lol trollitude</p>

11

<p>Not cheating unless they have sex</p>

12

<p>As previous posters have addressed, there are larger issues than that of “cheating.” Everyone’s first priority should be addressing both T’s and A’s unhappiness and self-destructive behavior. </p>

<p>Why won’t A consider legal separation? It sounds like this may take care of many of the problems.</p>

13

<p>A is very Asian, and both of them are old (like 40-50). Divorce would shame her.</p>

<p>At least things seem to be getting (slightly) better for T now because of the affair. Even though she still hates herself and is pretty depressed.</p>

14

<p>Isn’t the affair with, like, a teenager? </p>

<p>Also, your imaginary friend thread was ingenious.</p>

15

<p>I think you ought to post this on the Parents Forum. I also think that the larger issues that need to be addressed are the depression and suicidal thoughts of both members of the marriage.</p>

16

<p>Poseur: Well no, it’s actually with a schizophrenic guy in his mid-40s.
And thank you for the compliment :slight_smile: W thought it was pretty screwed up.</p>

<p>teenage_cliche: I know these people from a forum where it would be inappropriate to help them with their mental issues in a conventional way.</p>

17

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<p>A does not sound like an a****** A sounds like someone who’s just had a life shattering, painful realization. Is it not normal to be upset that your husband is actually female? This isn’t about being “typical Asian” (stupid stereotype, by the way), it’s about being human. </p>

<p>And I would say that what T is doing is cheating, but if it’s helping her then in context of the situation, it’s probably for the best. It doesn’t seem like this situation can be resolved without a lot of pain on all sides regardless of W.</p>

18

<p>T is hurting A by staying; the longer T stays, the more dirt she’ll be throwing at the irreparable relationship that is the ‘marriage’ of T and A. She needs to leave, it will be for the best; she should tell A she is leaving, and the reasons as to why she is leaving. A needs to realize that no matter how far she stretches herself, she will not be able to hold the drifting pieces of this relationship together for much longer. This situation is doing nothing for either of them, and can only end in a far far worse place than the one it is in now if it continues. I feel for A, but T must act; also, T should make sure that A will not be left destitute/alone/in need. Although T was following her heart, she needs to recognize that she has damaged and degraded A beyond any threshold imposed by my imagination; T must also take responsibility for the damage she has done. This last sentence should not be taken to mean that T should stay; by staying, T is not allowing A to begin a meaningful healing process.</p>