An honest college rejection letter

[Pizzagirl]

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/an-honest-college-rejection-letter

[SouthernHope]

Very funny.

“You may be wondering how a near-perfect SAT and ACT, a dozen perfect AP scores, and your presidency of four clubs did not distinguish you from the pack. Please know that we take many other factors into account as well, including socio-political-monetary context, Asian-ness of name, BMI, and modified-Rorschach (in which one of our assistants holds your application from across the room and we try to discern the outline of your profile).”

[Tperry1982]

Good satire, but like all satire, it hits uncomfortably close to the truth.

[stradmom]

Hits all the high (low?) points

[bassetmom]

Hate to be so cynical, but painfully
close to the truth.

[xiggi]

Dear Mr. Smith,

Thank you for your interest in Claremont McKenna College.

We regret to inform you that we were unable to offer you a place in the class of 2019. This was our most competitive year yet, and we were unable to offer admission to every student. While your GPA was impressive, and your SAT scores were in fact higher than what we pretended ours were a few years back, there were some other issues present in your application. For example, in your personal statement, we would consider it ill-advised to start with a quote, especially if it is “I love bad bitches, that’s my ■■■■■■’ problem” -A$AP Rocky. We appreciated the hand drawn picture of our Lord and Savior, Henry Kravis; however, we do not consider applicants based on their talents in art. We are a liberal arts college, not an art school. Nevertheless, we have hung a photocopy of it in our office. In regards to your essay about who you would like to bring to the Athenaeum, the part about Dan Bilzerian was well written; however, we prefer you leave out vulgar sentences such as, “He has vast knowledge of the art of poon slaying,” and “Guns and titties are life”. In addition, we are curious as to why you claimed the most important invention of the last one-hundred years is Viagra.

We appreciate your interest in Claremont McKenna, and we wish you the best of luck as you pursue your educational goals.

Sincerely,

Georgina Degrasse
Dean of Admissions and Financial Aid

Source: http://www.thegoldenantlers.com/cmc-office-of-admissions-releases-rejection-letter-template/

[queensnave]

Even better knowing it’s written by a high-school senior.

[Niquii77]

Hubba hubba. CC filter got an upgrade, huh?

[GMTplus7]

Most importantly, we know that your minimum-wage job did not teach you “patience, teamwork and leadership.” No one learns anything from minimum-wage jobs except how much they hate people and that they shouldn’t have majored in political science.

ouch…

[TheAtlantic]

Sounds like one of those annual “sour grapes” stories written by a high school senior that gets picked up by a big news outlet.

[QuantMech]

It’s McSweeney’s. They are an outstanding journal. It’s a well-crafted joke, and not sour grapes. It was probably written by someone who was accepted to a “top” school.

[mommamocha]

Good read for this time of year, when levity is much needed.

[jym626]

Here’s how to get into college http://www.bostonglobe.com/ideas/2015/03/13/the-skills-get-that-college-acceptance-letter/LZfIzgSZTxS92klT2VZa3O/story.html

[thumper1]

I could see CM sending such a letter for real. Our family didn’t think much of them either.

[zobroward]

I know it probably will never change but if more students cast a wider net and looked at schools of different sizes and “prestige” all over the country, more people would probably find a better match for themselves… and remove much of the stress of applying to a handful of schools that are hyper competitive to gain entrance. once you are in to say at harvard you are now with a bunch of other students who needed the validation of the harvard name. not always the best atmosphere or people you want to be around. and if a lot of students avoided applying to the hyper competitive schools…those folks could avoid the despair of being rejected. I am not sure what an ivy league school teaches that another school does not. does an anatomy/physiology class at say university of louisville or rollins college skip the liver and bones?