<p>hi.i have written an introduction for capital punishment and I am willing to know my mistakes.</p>
<p>Should we put capital punishment to death? in modern and civilized societies,supporters of capital punishment has decreased in number considerably and critics considers it inhumane and barbaric but I believe this attitude is unrealistic and romantic and ignores basic human nature and it is harmful to the society.This essay will discuss the issue in details. </p>
<p>please be honest and helpful.what do you think of my first sentence?do you find my essay misleading or ambiguous?
I m learning how to write an essay and my teacher wanted me to focus on introduction part.when I showed my paper to her,she thought that my first sentence was misleading and not clear enough and she said if I m going to to start my essay like that,i need to explain it and make it clear in my subsequent sentences but I think that my first sentence is clear enough and my subsequent sentences makes it crystal clear and reader isnot dumb.
that s why I asked you whether my first sentence and its figurative meaning is clear to you or not and was it a good decision to start my essay like that</p>
<p>Should we put capital punishment to death? In modern civilized societies, supporters of capital punishment have decreased considerably in number, and critics consider the practice inhumane and barbaric. However, I believe this attitude harms society because it is unrealistically romantic and ignores basic human nature.</p>
<ol>
<li>Starting an essay with a rhetorical question is overdone. The phrase “putting capital punishment to death” has tens of thousands of results on Google, so it’s not particularly original at this point. </li>
<li>Don’t use first-person. It’s too informal, and saying “I believe” is redundant anyway.</li>
<li>Don’t refer to the fact that you’re writing an essay. “This essay will discuss the issue in detail” is completely unnecessary.</li>
</ol>
<p>thank you so much halcyonheather.i learned a lot.</p>
<p>I know my first sentence isnot original but I asked if you find it ambiguous and misleading or not.because my teacher said something like that.i explained in my previous post that when I showed my paper to her,she thought that my first sentence was misleading and not clear enough and I had to explain more to clarify it but I believe this sentence and its figurative meaning is clear and my subsequent sentences will clarify everything.what do you think?and I have another question.what do you think about structure of my essay?
did it flow nicely or you found my introduction a mess?did I succeed to get you motivated and curious to read what I m going to write after my introduction?please reply to all of my questions carefully because I need your knowledge to improve my essay writing skills.thanks.</p>
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<p>I interpreted it as “Should we stop having capital punishment?” If that’s what you mean, I don’t think it’s ambiguous.</p>
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<p>I think you could have been more specific about what you meant by “harms society” and “human nature.” How would banning capital punishment ignore human nature? You shouldn’t just repeat what you’re going to say in the rest of the essay (if you do that, the reader won’t have a reason to keep reading because they’ll already know what you’re going to say), but you could be a little less vague.</p>
<p>my teacher taught me to write an introduction following this structure:
first the most general sentence then the writer tries to narrow down the topic down then writer presents his view(thesis statement)and last one is blueprint which is optional.the reason I wrote I believe in my essay was I was trying to present my view and I was trying to follow the structure I just mentioned.what do you think?</p>
<p>is this a college app essay?</p>
<p>no stressdoutt.actually I m a college student but this essay has nothing to do with college.I go to English class and my teacher wanted me to write an introduction about capital punishment.</p>
<p>halcyonheather you made a correction and I would like to know the reason.
I wrote:"decreased in number considerably"and you corrected me:“decreased considerably in number”. Was my sentence wrong?What is the difference between these two sentences?</p>
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<p>Not technically. There’s no rule that says you can’t write it that way. I just think the emphasis in the phrase should be on “number,” and that comes through more when it’s at the end. Also, “considerably” modifies “decreased,” so I thought they should be next to each other.</p>
<p>Why don’t we have a like button? Thank you so much halcyonheather.</p>