<p>Yesterday’s somewhat relevant “quote of the day” on iGoogle:</p>
<p>“Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality.”
-Oscar Wilde in Lady Windermere’s Fan, Act III</p>
<p>Gossiping is an important [evolutionary</a> adaptation](<a href=“http://www.human-nature.com/articles/shermer.html]evolutionary”>Publications | Human Nature) that’s a two-edge sword:</p>
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<p>More can be found in [The</a> Science of Good and Evil: Why People Cheat, Gossip, Care, Share, and Follow the Golden Rule](<a href=“http://www.amazon.com/Science-Good-Evil-People-Gossip/dp/0805075208]The”>http://www.amazon.com/Science-Good-Evil-People-Gossip/dp/0805075208)</p>
<p>Within the work place, gossip and the grapevine are important informal information networks. Although some things coming through the grapevine can not wholly be validated as being true, there may be some truth in the message being sent. </p>
<p>Workplaces allow the use of gossip and the grapevine because it is a way to guage what is going in the company, employee concerns, etc. It cuts across organizational lines and deals with people who are “in the know”. Savvy business people purposely send things through the grapevine as a mechanism to test the climate on certain issues in workplace. In work situations a large part of the information that comes through the grapevine is usually correct.</p>
<p>this does not mean that all gossip is good as some gossip is designed specifically to drive wedges between people.</p>
<p>As a person who sends the bulk of her day with high school students while yes, I have to filter the source of things, the gossip that comes through can sometimes be invaluable in helping us to be proactive about a situation that is looming in the school. Students will also gossip as a way to get another person help of to try to bring an adult to to intervene in a sketchy situation.</p>
<p>As others have stated, people gossip for various reasons; </p>
<p>Sharing secret stories or news is a form of bonding. If you show interest and agree with my rumor, we feel closer.</p>
<p>People find it important to be in the loop.</p>
<p>however, it does not mean that all gossip is good. Some gossip does weaken the trust and bonds of the parties involved and some gossip as Op stated can be very detrimental to the person being gossiped about.</p>
<p>Any ideas on how to stop young kids in beginning stages of adolescence from gossiping/trash talking about each other? It seems to be becoming a big issue with the group of kids in my youngest’s grade (10 and 11 year olds). It is much more extreme than anything I experienced with my older kids. Yes, I know I can stop it when I hear it, and I do, but that is not enough when all of the kids seem to be doing it whenever they get together. </p>
<p>I am also noticing lately (perhaps because something I am now paying more attention to) that trash talking is rampant in kid’s shows in the media. We started getting the Disney Channel recently and Hannah Montana is one example of a show that is loaded with sarcastic remarks making fun of other kids – I can’t help but think that this sort of thing is making its mark.</p>
<p>I have thought about this topic quite a bit lately. I used to think all gossip is bad; now I think most of it is valuable. It really depends on what you do with the gossip: If it provides information that helps with your decision-making (e.g., your kids’ friend’s father serves alcohol to minors), it is good. If it serves only to pass judgment on another person (Mr. Jones is a low-life jerk because he did this…), it is bad.</p>
<p>Am surprised at the emphasis on negativity in depictions of gossip. Have thought about this topic since spending time with a neighbor going through a divorce years ago. I gave her books, tried to find some time together to lend a listening ear, having gone through the same thing. After confiding some details, she said something along the line of, ‘now don’t gossip around the neighborhood about this.’ I was surprised, though wouldn’t have discussed any imparted details. People in our community talk, are interested. Because they care. Compassion is the motivator, as we’ve lived in close proximity for many years. Little judgement around here, unless you’re mean to others. Was very saddened at how this woman isolated herself more and more as the divorce progress, partially due to her fear of ‘gossip’</p>
<p>I used to go stay with my grandmother in small town Scotland. A real eye opener in terms of negative gossip. Made me understand why people leave small towns for the city, as this must be common in rural communities the world over. Or maybe not?</p>
<p>At my work place, there is for the most part a long term community of co workers. We work hard, fast, intensely, and have to maintain high standards. If someone is sloughing on the job, it is talked about. I think it does help keep an atmosphere of excellence, as no one wants to be talked about in that way. Tolerable, though as the relationships are for the most part kindly, and there’s enough humor to leven the tension.</p>
<p>I guess I don’t have a very inclusive definition of gossip. I’ve always been under the impression that gossip is talking about other people behind their backs in negative, hurtful ways - usually when the facts are taken as a mere departure point and furiously exaggerated. That’s what they told us in church school, Brownies, and third grade, anyway. Everyone remembers playing “Gossip” (or “Telephone”), right? You sit in a circle and whisper something to the person on your right, who then whispers what she heard to the person on her right. The point of the game is that the last person never hears what was originally said.</p>
<p>So in the example cited in post 26, I wouldn’t consider it gossip to say to a third party, “It’s so sad that Bob and Mary are splitting up. She’s really taking it hard. Bob is a jerk. Why don’t we ask her out for coffee tomorrow?” But I would consider it gossip to say “Mary called me up crying for the third time this week. She found Bob’s receipts for a phone sex line. It turns out that they stopped sleeping together last year. Of course, look at how she’s let herself go.”</p>
<p>I guess I’ve never considered that gossip has an upside. Some of what’s been discussed in this thread seems more like a legitimate exchange of information than gossip to me. If you wouldn’t say it in front of the person you’re discussing - to me, that’s gossip.</p>
<p>Great Lakes Mom, interesting about your friend and the divorce. Sometimes it IS a public service to tell others what is going on. There was a couple at church who divorced after a pretty long marriage. Both were quite prominent in the church. For whatever reason, the husband would not disclose the divorce to folks. I overheard several people asking him about his wife as in “How is Gail? I haven’t seen her in ages.” He’d just reply, “I don’t know.” Someone really needed to fill those people in, so they’d stop innocently asking him about his ex-wife.</p>
<p>Re gossip, and unmindful speech, I came across the <em>three gates</em> concept recently, and it is helpful to remember in many situations when one is practicing being more careful (as I am) about what one says. Ask yourself (esp. when speaking about someone else) if what you are saying can pass through the three gates:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Is it true?</p></li>
<li><p>Is is necessary?</p></li>
<li><p>Is it kind?</p></li>
</ol>
<p>So, I suppose I could introduce that concept to the young ones and their friends when I hear them trashing each other. They will roll their eyes, to be sure . . . but perhaps it will plant a seed in their minds.</p>
<p>I’ve been mulling over a gossip/sticking my nose into something that’s not my business issue all weekend. Younger daughter is a cheerleader; they practice two days a week after school. One girl has not shown up for a single practice so far and the sponsors are getting very angry at her.</p>
<p>From what daughter has told me, the parents are divorced and neither currently lives within 20 miles of our school district. I don’t know if the girl is sleeping at the house of one or both of them, or with a third party, but I strongly suspect that the living situation has something to do with her not coming to practice. I assume the teachers will contact the parents before they kick the girl off the squad, but I doubt that the parents would confess that the issue is living too far away from school, lest the girl get kicked out of school.</p>
<p>I feel like if the teachers knew this, they would deal less harshly with the girl, but of course, it’s really not my business. My sexist theory is that the girl is living with her dad and that he is clueless about her activites, but that’s mere speculation. I guess I’ll just stay quiet, but I feel sorry for the girl.</p>