<p>There was a time when folks knew that the folks whose names were on a wedding invite were the only ones invited. Nowadays…people are offended if littles are excluded to the point that they ignore etiquette and bring the kids anyway. Is it acceptable to say no children please? I know it really isn’t but dang, how else do you get thru the thick skulls? LOL. HOW do you do this? Right on the invite? “Adults only”? “We love children but not at our wedding”?</p>
<p>Your RSVP should indicate how many are attending. If the family lists more than are on the invite…give them a call. </p>
<p>Wasn’t there another thread about this recently?</p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/1490434-wedding-adult-reception.html?highlight=wedding[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/1490434-wedding-adult-reception.html?highlight=wedding</a></p>
<p>Adding that I’m surprised there are people who presume their children are invited if their names are NOT specifically on the envelope, either individually or perhaps as “and Family.” I know there are, though. You can say “adults only,” but that doesn’t necessarily penetrate.</p>
<p>The response cards are a good defense against uninvited guests - if you invite John and Jane but the response cards indicate entree choices of 3 prime ribs and 2 chicken Marsalas, you’ll know that a problem looms. This is perhaps the best reason I can think of to ask for entree choices in the reception invitation - no one will give you a vague answer about how many to expect. :D</p>
<p>How many couples on the guest list does this apply to? Probably just a handful? And someone–the bride, the groom, one of the parents–knows them, or they wouldn’t be on the guest list.</p>
<p>So how about, before the invitation is mailed, calling them personally on the telephone? Say, “Listen, Sue, you know we love your kids but we’re not having any kids at the wedding reception. I’m getting ready to put the invitations in the mail and it’s going to come addressed to just you and Joe. I’m sorry if that’s a problem for you, but I wanted to let you know before the invitation arrived so there’s no misunderstanding.”</p>
<p>It seems like people are often looking for a way to word things in an invitation in order to send a specific message to a specific person, rather than calling that particular person and telling that person the message in a clear and unambiguous fashion.</p>
<p>frazzled, even asking for entr</p>
<p>A few years ago a very (?) educated and sophisticated acquaintance rsvp’s a wedding invite to our mutual friend and ADDED her college aged D. I did think the D should have been invited but! If I had been offended I would have called the bride’s mom (the connection) or simply have begged off all together.
Just somewhat amused as the 2nd D is getting married this fall and I will bet the acquaintance will not be invited at all.
Gad, I would hate to make the call but as mother of the bride I would, indeed, call anyone I thought was bringing a child (if this was the plan) and simply say that no children or children will have a sitter and room.</p>
<p>I have a relative who I know without doubt WILL bring her 5 children no matter what, and then let them run wild and unsupervised all night while they wreak havoc. Her kids are so badly behaved that half the family has stopped getting together for Christmas because no one has the heart not to invite her and her kids always ruin it. I’ve decided just not to invite her at all. </p>
<p>If I end up caving by the time the invitations go out, which is a possibility as excluding her is really a radical thing to do, I will be calling her personally in advance, and probably more than once. </p>
<p>We have friends with kids who I am less worried about. We will address their invitations properly, perhaps with a cleverly worded RSVP card-- I’ve seen some with the 2 already written in. I trust that they’ll get the point, and if one or two people don’t I won’t lose my cool. In chatting about the wedding with those friends we may casually mention how tiny our venue is and how we really had to cinch that guest list, or maybe make up a funny story about my crazy relative whose fault it is we can’t invite kids.</p>
<p>I think most people do get the point. I think many who dont are choosing not to, and there’s only so much you can do about the willfully rude.</p>
<p>I posted this on the other thread (link above). We had NO CHILDREN at our wedding. We paid for it ourselves, and simply could not afford it. DH had a ton of young cousins and many friends had young kids. We offered to hire a couple of babysitters for the children…but made it very clear that they were not invited LONG before the invitations went out.</p>
<p>I will say…DS was in a family wedding when he was about 4 years old. They insisted he come to the reception (at night) because he was in the wedding party. There is one cute picture of him dancing in his darling tuxedo…but there are NO pictures of ME dealing with a crying, overtired child. It was absolutely the worse time I’ve ever had at a wedding.</p>
<p>My Brother insisted that my 3 yr old S be a ring bearer. I only agreed if S walked up the aisle and then came to me (very end of a front row) and sat on my lap. B was not happy at all but did agree. So cute S marched up and did his duty and sat with me. The other child (age 4) caused quite the distraction as she talked to the ducks during the vows.
When my B had a boy, 3, he called to tell me that he now understood!
Funny, as my S would most likely have been just fine but to me it was more why put that on him?</p>
<p>At my D’s recent wedding there were a couple small kids on the groom’s side. They seemed fine, but it was a rather informal party (and five minute ceremony.)</p>
<p>there were a few older kids–her 14 year old cousin, and some a little younger than that on the groom’s side. Again, no problems.</p>
<p>D looked at me like I had two heads when I asked if she was including kids or not. Like, why wouldn’t she?</p>
<p>(small ones, I mean. I wouldn’t have dreamed of leaving cousin out. she only has three.)</p>
<p>You are right that it’s considered impolite to put Adult Reception or No Children on any invitation. Spread through word of mouth, and if someone does RSVP for an uninvited child, call them and correct the misunderstanding. If you are that concerned about clueless guests, take the initiative to call to ask if they need the names of local sitters, or consider hiring one yourself.</p>
<p>I think the etiquette has to evolve with the times. When I got married no one would have dreamed of dragging a child to a wedding reception, so it was completely unnecessary to specify adults only on an invitation. But today’s parents are a different breed and need to be told explicitly what’s expected. I wouldn’t hesitate to put the message on the invitation, or, even better, as a separate enclosure sent only to those with kids–something along the lines of “We love kids–especially yours!–but the reception will be limited to those listed on the invitation envelope. If you are staying overnight, ______ hotel can supply a list of local babysitters.” (Actually it isn’t just parents–there are many stories about people bringing uninvited guest with them. I think it’s just the stunning level of egotism that is rampant in our society.)</p>
<p>Slight hijack, but the upshot is the same.</p>
<p>We used to host a haunted Halloween hayride when our kids were little; we’d book the big cart (which held 30 people), and we’d have everyone over to our house before embarking on the ride. This was a mixture of our kids’ friends and one or both of their parents, depending on specific families, but clearly we could only have 30 on the cart.</p>
<p>I called every family on the invite list, and explained that there was only so much room. Most understood, but a few acted as if we had given them “tickets”, and they could dole out the tickets as they saw fit. In other words, if my son’s friend couldn’t make it (but the friend’s uninvited older brother could), then the parent would say “I’ll bring Johnny instead”. As host, I had to say “I’m sorry we can’t accommodate Johnny this time around. We hope you understand.”</p>
<p>I’m with the camp that says you are the host, and part of your hosting responsibility is being clear who is invited to your event. No doubt, in certain cases it may take a preemptive call. If you don’t want to do that, then you just have to go with the flow. But you can’t expect people to read your mind, especially rude people!</p>
<p>We solved this problem by printing this line on the RSVP card and fill in the number yourself.</p>
<p>"… seats have been reserved in your honor."</p>
<p>My son is getting married soon. And a group of his friends have small children. The bride doesn’t want anyone under 18 at the wedding, even her niece or nephew who will be well under 1. We have hired a babysitter(S) who will be available at $20 per child per hour on site. You know what…so far everyone “understands” that their children shouldn’t be coming. And yes, this is included in all the invitations. </p>
<p>Baby niece or nephew isn’t paying…that is the only exception.</p>
<p>Cbreeze-- that’s a good way to play it, I think. I’m going to try to remember that for ours. We will be touring venues in the next couple weeks and getting our date set in stone. (Finally!!!)</p>
<p>You could go old school and have the invitations read -</p>
<p>Mr. and Mrs. Bride Parents
request the honor of the presence of
-then have Mr. and Mrs. Guest Name calligraphied here-
at the wedding, etc.</p>
<p>There are people out here who are so self-involved and oblivious that they will bring along little kids to a wedding (without even asking first) notwithstanding the nicest calligraphy. If asked, they’ll just say “Oh, he’ll sit on my lap and eat off my plate and he’ll enjoy it so much!” And then you’ll have bad blood with the relatives who didn’t bring their kids and are resentful that someone else’s Special Snowflake got included. These days, you have to hit some people over the head with a two-by-four to get your message across.</p>
<p>As a child, I attended my uncle’s wedding - loved that! Then when parents went to the reception, the nieces/nephews from both sides were dropped off at a house where the oldest teens watched the group. (It worked out ok, but these days I’d suggest a hired baby sitter. I’d also suggest planning food - we had ad hoc butter sandwiches).</p>