<p>This essay is in response to a prompt of: Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence. I just am looking for any comments/criticisms which might help me to improve it. </p>
<p>I suppose I have always been a person with a dislike for strong authority and the imposing will of a group over individuals. The life and works of Henry David Thoreau have helped to strengthen these leanings which I have. I have not learned anything new from him so much as he has served as a reinforcement of my beliefs.</p>
<p>Thoreau recognized that people should listen to their conscience whether it agreed with the beliefs of society or not. In doing so he advocated that people come to their own conclusions about what is moral or immoral rather than leaving the decision to everyone else. This is something that I had believed in before I ever read any of Thoreaus works. However, reading such works as Civil Disobedience helped to strengthen my convictions. It has served to emphasize to me the importance of continuing to come to my own conclusions about right and wrong. Some people might be satisfied with simply maintaining the beliefs taught to them by their parents, their religious leaders, or the leaders of the political party with which they most identify. I do not take such a complacent path. If I consider an issue to be important, I will ponder it thoroughly until I am confident that the correct conclusion has been reached. Thoreau has helped me to fully realize the importance of doing this and that anything less would be irresponsible.</p>
<p>Thoreau has given me courage to go along with my convictions. This, perhaps, is the greatest affect that his works have had on me. It is not too difficult to be able to think for oneself and decide what is right and wrong. Ive been capable of this for quite some time. Actually being able to follow through on my ideas was never so easy. In seventh and eighth grade I never really opposed my peers when they did wrong to those who were lower in the social order. I lacked the courage to face being ostracized myself. It is a bit depressing that years later there are still situations in which some of my peers are still detested by the rest for no reason. At least now I am capable of standing against the immoral majority in such situations. I owe this to the affect that Thoreau has had on me. The time he faced jail instead of paying taxes to an immoral government reminds me that I must follow through on my convictions.</p>
<p>Thoreau was a man who spoke out against the wrongs in society. He urged that people do what they think is right regardless of the consequences to themselves. His works have not caused any sort of one-hundred-eighty degree change in my beliefs. Rather, his influence has been to strengthen the ideas I already had and to inspire me to have the courage to act based upon my convictions.</p>
<p>I liked the beginning of the essay: that Thoreau had a great effect on you. The part where you give examples of his influence on you is a little weak in my opinion. I think that saying that you don’t stand with people who ostracize others in high school is not enough. Isn’t there something more you could add? Somewhere along the way, you proactively took a stand that wasn’t popular? Or did something that wasn’t fashionable? Give concrete examples.</p>
<p>But that’s just my opinion.</p>
<p>Some editing:
“I have not learned anything new from him so much as he has served as a reinforcement of my beliefs.”
How about:
“I have not learned anything new from him (really??); but he has served as a reinforcement of my beliefs”.</p>
<p>“It has served to emphasize to me the importance of continuing to come to my own conclusions about right and wrong.”
Could you change ‘conclusions’ to something else? You have used the word in the previous sentence.</p>
<p>I know college essays can be colloquial, but I still wouldn’t start one with “I suppose.” Please add specific examples, and make the examples you have more concrete. Given that the prompt is about who influenced you, I wouldn’t repeat quite so many times that Thoreau reinforced you rather than having a true influence on you; the repetitions are unnecessary and they do hammer home that you’re not precisely answering the question. Be that as it may, I think you need a stronger conclusion.</p>
<p>I also would like more concrete examples. As well, there is an arrogant tone to the essay, especially the phrase “immoral majority.” How does one know when one is right? Where does the confidence in one’s own moral values come from? </p>
<p>I am not entirely sure whether the point of the essay is that Thoreau has reinforced your belief in the value of thinking for yourself (independence of judgment) or acting on your beliefs (courage). You may want to clarify.</p>
<p>I think that the character in history or fiction prompt is a sucker punch waiting to happen. This prompt is like Ali dropping his hands in the ring, inviting the opponent to move in for the attack. Wide open target. Just like a high school English assignment. Piece of cake. I can do this.</p>
<p>So you move in and, suddenly out of nowhere, comes the sting like a bee part. A left hook to the chin. Or, in this case, a college essay that is almost guaranteed to have no selling value because adcoms are too busy and too tired of reading applications to care one iota about Henry David Thoreau!</p>
<p>It’s a sucker punch prompt. Every good high school student in America can write one of these essays. Perhaps one in a million can write an interesting one that tells us something about themselves.</p>
<p>Trust me. It is much, much easier to write a nice simple little essay about some experience in your life and give us a glimpse into your personality through action.</p>
<p>Thank you all for your advice. You’ve definitely given me some stuff to think about when revising the essay. However, I think perhaps interesteddad is right. This essay is pretty easy to do well but really tought to make great. I think instead I’ll write about my experiences with my hobby of making tesla coils(a type of high voltage device). It certainly ought to make for a more interesting essay.</p>