<p>Topic: Do people have to be highly competitive in order to succeed?</p>
<p>My essay is here: [ImageShack</a> Album - 2 images](<a href=“ImageShack - Best place for all of your image hosting and image sharing needs”>ImageShack - Best place for all of your image hosting and image sharing needs)</p>
<p>Could someone please grade it? Any comments are appreciated! And how would the graders respond to my handwriting? Is it readable?</p>
<p>Thanks in advance!</p>
<p>5/6 or 10/12. </p>
<p>Your handwriting is WAY better this time.</p>
<p>The handwriting is much better (though I would recommend you keep the awesome capital A’s and S’s). Also, I would encourage you write in pencil (it looks like pen in the picture; I apologize if I’m wrong) since you won’t be allowed a pen on test day.</p>
<p>A solid essay all round, though not distinguishably a 6.</p>
<p>You seem to have all the tools to achieve a 12, you just need to work on writing more persuasively. Attack the essay with a new mentality next time: “I must persuade the marker to agree completely with my essay.”</p>
<p>10-11.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the feedback! How could I make my writing more persuasive so that the reader agrees?</p>
<p>^ A lot more details?</p>
<p>Instead of simply stating what you know, apply a lot of reasoning to it. In your first paragraph, you said that birds have to be competitive because there are limited resources. That sounds awful convenient, doesn’t it? How does one believe that resources are truly limited to a species of animal that can fly from place to place? And how does this apply to humans? You might as well be saying that humans are competitive because resources are limited.</p>
<p>So was talking about birds not a good example? Was I supposed to directly refer to humans? I can’t really prove that resources are limited - it’s seems kind of intuitive to me.</p>
<p>Please help! Thanks</p>
<p>let’s bump</p>
