<p>Not too bad, but you sort of went off topic. Remember, the essay prompt asked “Are we free to make our own decisions or are we limited in the choices we can make,” which you in fact answered very well through your thesis statement, “our choices are dictated by the situation we are in.”</p>
<p>But after that, you provided an example to show how “what Abby did in high school - activities and academics - would dictate her choice of college.” That’s how the actions of a person dictated the outcome of a situation, not how a situation dictates the choice of a person. They are complete opposites of each other, don’t you think :)?</p>
<p>Also, the SAT essay doesn’t give you enough time to waste on expository, descriptive words like “as the snow was melting and as the leaves were starting to grow back on tress.” Most of the first part of the essay seem to me superfluous. You don’t need to provide so much background to the tale. It’s better go straight to the point. The SAT doesn’t really test how well you can write in general, but rather how well you can take a stance and coherently and convincingly debate on a certain topic under the time pressure. </p>
<p>See if this helps:</p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/645763-how-write-12-essay-just-10-days.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/645763-how-write-12-essay-just-10-days.html</a></p>