Another Essay for Grading?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Prompt:</p>

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<p>Essay:</p>

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<p>Notes:</p>

<p>I was really stumped by this essay topic and couldn’t come up with any examples, so I decided to make up an anecdote. I don’t know if you guys can tell, but since I was a little short on time because I was thinking for the first 5-7 minutes, the ending is a bit rushed.</p>

<p>Oh well. </p>

<p>Thanks in advance.</p>

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<p>Bump.Set.Spike.</p>

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<p>Not too bad, but you sort of went off topic. Remember, the essay prompt asked “Are we free to make our own decisions or are we limited in the choices we can make,” which you in fact answered very well through your thesis statement, “our choices are dictated by the situation we are in.”</p>

<p>But after that, you provided an example to show how “what Abby did in high school - activities and academics - would dictate her choice of college.” That’s how the actions of a person dictated the outcome of a situation, not how a situation dictates the choice of a person. They are complete opposites of each other, don’t you think :)?</p>

<p>Also, the SAT essay doesn’t give you enough time to waste on expository, descriptive words like “as the snow was melting and as the leaves were starting to grow back on tress.” Most of the first part of the essay seem to me superfluous. You don’t need to provide so much background to the tale. It’s better go straight to the point. The SAT doesn’t really test how well you can write in general, but rather how well you can take a stance and coherently and convincingly debate on a certain topic under the time pressure. </p>

<p>See if this helps:</p>

<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/645763-how-write-12-essay-just-10-days.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/645763-how-write-12-essay-just-10-days.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>I see what you’re saying. Thanks for the help.</p>

<p>Any other opinions?</p>

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<p>Bump.Set.Spike.</p>

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<p>Bump.Set.Spike.</p>

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<p>Pretty decent but not focused enough and you only gave 1 example and well it wasnt very convincing to the reader only because the prompt said Are we free to make our own decisions or are we limited in the choices we can make? and you showed me that Through Abby’s tale, it became clear what she did in high school - activities and academics - would dictate her choice of college. It’s kinda eh you know?
3-5?</p>

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<p>Do you have any suggestions as to what I should work on and/or how this essay could have been improved?</p>

<p>I asked you on my other thread, but could you clarify what the 3-5 actually means?</p>

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<p>Bump.Set.Spike.</p>

<p>I know I’ve bumped this multiple times, but I still feel as though I have no received adequate feedback on this essay. Primarily I’m looking for some specific things that would have made THIS essay better (maybe the example is bad?) and specific elements I could work on.</p>

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<p>This would make out as a good creative writing piece. However, the graders are looking for a well-written, informative essay. Don’t describe the scenery around you; don’t use imagery. Use concrete examples. I’m not sure where you were going with this essay till the end. DON’T do this to the reader (SAT). Have a well defined thesis, which you sort of have here:

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<p>I’m not sure you did it as well as you could, however. </p>

<p>Show strong topic sentences. Your organization is weak. The beginning was great, it got my attention, but then I immediately stopped focusing as soon as you went on and on about your friend Abby. The example is great, but there is too much description, which detracts from this type of essay.</p>

11

<p>Ok, I think I got it.</p>

<p>-Too much background
-Get to the point
-Better organization</p>

<p>I would also like to know if anyone could give any examples that would fit the prompt better. I was stuck on this prompt for the first 5 minutes trying to think of examples from history, literature, or pop culture so I decided the only thing I could do was support the entire thing with an anecdote.</p>

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<p>Bump.Set.Spike.</p>

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<p>BS a historical example. Cite some random war and how the general of his platoon is really limited in the choices he makes since someone above him is really calling the shots or giving him options on what to do next. </p>

<p>In society we have rules and regulations that we must follow therefore limiting our options and decisions </p>

<p>Then lastly if your really stuck make up a movie and the plot to fill the prompt. </p>

<p>And your right, this topic is rather hard to think of examples ( if i had this on test day i would prolly panic…lol). What would others write for examples?</p>

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<p>I’m pretty sure it’s piqued, not peeked btw.</p>

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<p>You are correct. o.0</p>

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<p>I am wondering the exact same thing. So anyone… What are some concrete examples that can be used for this prompt?</p>

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<p>Bump.Set.Spike.</p>

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<p>I am wondering the exact same thing. So anyone… What are some concrete examples that can be used for this prompt?</p>

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<p>Bump.Set.Spike.</p>

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<p>I am wondering the exact same thing. So anyone… What are some concrete examples that can be used for this prompt?</p>

<p>Also, any more in-depth analysis on what could be improved on this essay and tips to keep in mind for my next essay are still welcome.</p>

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<p>Example of how we’re not free to make our decisions:</p>

<p>The German generals wanted to try to break out from Stalingrad while they still had the chance, but Hitler told them to fight to that last man</p>

<p>British generals in North Africa wanted to capture all of Libya from Italy, but Churchill forced them to divert troops to Greece, which was being attacked by Germany and Italy.</p>

<p>In The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Jim was forced to listen to the demands of Huck and eventually Tom if he ever wanted to become free.</p>

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<p>Good examples above^^</p>

<p>See i was on the right track with the general thing</p>

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<p>You suggested to BS a war. As far as I know, my examples actually happened.</p>