Another essay to grade please :)

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>I realized after posting my last essay that I had an unfair advantage in typing up my essay rather than writing it (I can type up to 200 or more words per min I think). So I wrote another essay with a pencil and timed myself. </p>

<h2>I think that my body paragraph is not very good in that I think I went either off in a tangent or did not adequately linked my evidence to fit the thesis. If you observe this too, please tell me exactly what I did wrong and how i can fix it. Thanks :)</h2>

<p>Topic: Is the truth always subject to interpretation?</p>

<p>Essay:</p>

<p>“What is truth?” Jesus asked his Roman interogater, Pontius Pilate. At this, Pilate remained silent for he knew not the answer. Even today, many people have difficultly in trying to answer this question posed by ancient and modern philosophers alike. However, the one thing that can be agreed on by most reasonable people is that truth is objective; it cannot be subjective otherwise it is temporary and contingent. Yet, can truth be subject to interpretation? Interpreting truth is subjective, yes, but the truth itself remains objective unless it is completely deviated by the extremity of humanity’s greed. So how do we get from objectivity to subjectivity? There is a step in between knowing the truth and interpreting the truth that makes the interpretation biased: application. For it is when we apply the truth and conform it to our society that the truth is then subject to interpretations and therefore create biasness and in some of the more serious cases, prejudice. </p>

<p>Thousands of years ago, going back to the supremacy of the ancient Greeks, Aristotle, a philosopher, recorded the following truths that he observed: the predictable motion of the stars, day and night, and the stillness of the earthly objects relative to the sky. With these truths that he observed, Aristotle then applied those truths to explain teh position of the earth in relations to the universe. Here was where Aristotle interpreted the truths as he created what has become known as the heliocentric theory. Aristotle interpreted the truth in that he formed an opinion of a natural phenomenon. THough he claimed it to be truth, Aristotle did not and could not know that his speculation was right or wrong, and therefore the only way he could assert his beliefs and apply the truths he witnessed is through an opinion that nobody challenged for the next fifteen hundred to two thousand years. But the important thing to note throughout Aristotle’s pondering is that it wasn’t until he applied the truths that truth became subject to interpretation, for before the application process, the truths were ntohing more than objective observances that could neither be challenged nor changed. </p>

<p>Therefore, using Aristotle as a source to support us, we can know that truth is only subject to interpretation when we try to apply the truth into our lives and into our society. Truth itself is objective; it can neither be changed nor altered because that is what truth is. In retrospect, we must be aware of this difference in a society where truths and thought-to-be-truths are being assailed from all sides by various ethnic, religious, and scientific communities throughout the globe. We can also be assured, however, that throughout the constant changes and subjectivity of the culture, we know that truth itself is constant, having no bias that can favor one “special” group or another. With this knowledge, we can find security and a solid base to rest our feet upon.</p>

2

<p>Your use of rhetorical questions is better then most’s, but I still think you should stop using them…it’s way too common and to many reader’s, it presents a trivial and cheesy attempt at grabbing attention.</p>

<p>As for the essay itself, do not use ANY first person references. In your conclusion you used ‘we’ nearly every sentence. The reader’s know you are expressing a viewpoint, but you have to present it as if though your views are facts. </p>

<p>Your body paragraph looks like it has potential, but your writing style itself is preventing the reader from getting the full effect of your argument. Some parts are redundant (you used “truths that he observed” twice within like three sentences), some sentences are poorly worded, and most sentences are incoherent due to you using too many words to express a simple point. My advice would be to try more direct, and shorter sentences.</p>

<p>Lastly, your intro and conclusion are WAY TOO LONG!@! The essay portion of the SAT is meant to test your skills at backing up your statements with well-chosen arguments presented in a coherent manner. Your body paragraph(s) should make up roughly at least 2/3rds of your essay. All the hypothetical stuff and your own personal viewpoint do not mean much at all, unless backed up with solid, concrete examples.</p>

<p>Overall, I would give that a 7…you might get an 8 if lucky.</p>

<p>Sorry if I came off too harsh, I know that writing style of yours because it’s the same type that I used to have. My brain would be traveling 2-3 sentences ahead and the sentence I was writing became jumbled up, etc.</p>

3

<p>Yes I felt while writing my essay that I was being redundant in a lot of cases. I tried to change basically constrain to synonymous words and phrases like you typed down but it was really hard for me to do so in the pressure of the moment. I usually don’t repeat a lot of the same stuff, but I guess I still have to work on that. :)</p>

<p>However I must object to the fact that you think that first person will bring down my score. According to my SAT writing prep teacher, SAT essay is not like a school essays. School essays say don’t use first person. But SAT essay is different. In fact, though they don’t encourage first person, they say that first person is good in that it makes the scorer relate more to the essay which is as good as if not better than having the scorer distance himself when you make your essay so… nonpersonal. So I don’t have a problem with that.</p>

<p>Intro and Conclusion, you might have a point there. I hope if there are others who would like to grade this that they comment on that part so that I can hear what they have to say.</p>

<p>And you didn’t seem harsh to me, just critical which was what I was hoping to get. Thank you :)</p>