another essay to grade ^^ thanks

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>is conscience a more powerful motivator than wealth, fame, and power?</p>

<p>Conscience- that little inner voice that tells us what is the right thing to do- is more powerful a motivator than all the fame, money, or power in the world. All the great people out there followed and still follow their conscience and sacrificed their own well-being for the greater good. We all know these people, they are those who we admire, those who we learn in school about: Martin Luther King Jr, Abraham Lincoln, Mother Theresa. There are many of them, but the best examples, in my opinion, are Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Theresa, land to give a fictional exampke, too, Frodo Baggins from Tolkien´s “The Lord Of The Rings”. All three persons have shown that, in reality and in fiction, that there is nothing more important than following your conscience, even if it means great sacrifices!</p>

<p>There is no doubt that Mahatma Gandhi was a happy man once, a rich merchant with a beautiful wife and a good daughter. Nevertheless, he was prepared to give up all his material possessions, his wealth, his good reputation, his power through both, in order to fight for a cause that he thought to be more important than his own welfare.
Similar to Gandhi, Mother Theresa also sacrificed even the simple luxuries of modern life in order to care for the sick and the poor. It can not have been easy but she stayed strong and led a life dedicated to helping others.
Now, from the case of Frodo Baggins, Tolkien´s protagonist from the fantasy classic “The Lord Of The Rings”, we can see that the theme of following one´s conscience is also treated in literature. Frodo is a content, wealthy hobbit in the beginning, but still, gives up all his possessions and fights against the dark Lord in Mordor, knowing very well that it can easily be that it will cost him his life. He risks everything to give his home, Middle Earth, a chance of surviving. </p>

<p>In all these examples, Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Theresa, and Frodo Baggins, we see that there are in fact people who give up their wealth, their power, or their potential fame, and risk everything in order to do what´s right. We also see that, since those people are celebrated as heroes by us, that this is also something valuable to us, a role model so to say. So, yes, conscience can and should be a more powerful motivator than anything material in this world. </p>

<p>thanks for grading it… be kind please ^^</p>

2

<p>i would say 9 or at most 10.
Points to improve:

  1. Your intro is too long and delves into irrelevant details. Such makes your intro not concise or clear enough.
  2. Your examples are too short, though all serve the purpose. Without analysis, your ability to argue is not shown. Graders want to see how well you argue a point, not just merely an answer – they don’t care what point you make anyway.
  3. You should vary your sentences by combining short and compound sentences; also, includ some(4-5) big words to impress them, given that those words are properly used.</p>
3

<p>thanks, actually that is what i thought… thanks for the feedback. my problem is that i am neither native anglophone nor living in an english speaking country- my knowledge of english is pretty limited, so i think that is all i can hope for, i mean who am i that i hope to be as good as some of the best english speaking students who also have experience in writing that sort of essays ^^
i´ll try and make it better on the actual test (aarrggh only two days to go!!)</p>

4

<p>well, i am not a native speaker either, from China. As long as we dedicate more time and effort, we can get closer to native speakers</p>

5

<p>yup you´re right… so i better stop hanging around cc and get back to work ^^</p>