Final update!
I went in to ask if it would disturb them if I did some dinner prep before going to the brewery. Our condo is open concept. She was asleep on the sofa. I apologized, Ds said it was fine (maybe she is a heavy sleeper??), so we chatted while I chopped veggies. Ds had finished his assignment. Dh eventually came in from watching TV in bedroom we use as an office. I mean, we had both retreated to allow them study space. When she woke up she said, “I guess I took more than a ten minute nap.” She had napped an hour and a half on our sofa.
Brewery was fun. Played giant Jenga. When we came home my ds was very purposeful in asking what he could do to help. No offers of assistance from her. During dinner she said that she took medication for anxiety. We had been talking about roller coasters, fear of heights, things that make us anxious etc. It wasn’t an awkward disclosure. So, I do appreciate her honesty and transparency. She’s not trying to be someone she is not in front of us. The fact that she shared that and slept on my sofa for an hour and a half makes me feel like we made her feel safe. I hope so.
The $600 shoes belonged to one of the female friends, BTW.
She thanked me for letting her come and said, “Thanks for all the food.” Kind of an unusual compliment. I just said, “Well, that’s what we mamas do - we feed folks when they come visit.” She just doesn’t have the background to know what to say/do, I don’t think. Never said one complimentary thing about our home or that it was nice meeting us. She just has a different background and doesn’t know what to say/do.
I’m going to work REALLY hard at showing grace. She reminds me a lot of one of my very best friends who grew up with little, had some family of origin struggles, is hugely introverted and who takes medication for anxiety. Yet, she is one of the most giving, insightful, and fun friends of mine. I adore this friend. No idea if this girl is the one (and they are about to have a big test being so far apart and in grad school full time), but my ds is smart, and I think he will choose wisely. My nitpicking only undermines his judgment - and I think he has good judgment.
Thanks for hanging in there with me this past weekend!