<p>If you have already “contributed” to a baby shower in the form of a generous gift even though you couldn’t attend the party, what is the proper etiquette if a “birth announcement” shows up a couple of months later? Are you required to send in another baby gift just because you have received the announcement?</p>
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<p>No. No one is ever “required” to send a gift in response to an announcement, be it wedding or birth. I sent out birth announcements, and I certainly did not expect a gift from anyone. If I thought it would be taken as a gift solicitation, I wouldn’t have sent them.</p>
<p>I would have been astonished had any of the friends who attended my baby shower–a small group of close friends–sent another gift. A few of those who received an announcement–relatives and a few family friends–did indeed choose to send a baby gift, typically clothes. It was very nice of them, but certainly not expected.</p>
<p>I believe that in the case of a wedding shower, it’s not appropriate to invite someone to a shower who isn’t invited to the wedding.</p>
<p>From About.com FAQ on wedding showers</p>
<p>Who Should You Invite</p>
<p>Start off by asking the bride for a guest list! (If it’s a surprise, talk to her mother, or her fianc</p>
<p>Just bought the coffeemaker off the registry…although I skip most of these, all the talk of “if you are close to the mother” made me realize that I have to go to this one…the bride’s mother her passed away quite suddenly about 18 months ago. She can be forgiven for any lapses in etiquette…</p>
<p>I just had my first taste of this, but I was on the inviting end. </p>
<p>As you know, ds just had his Eagle Court of Honor, and I sent two invites to my dearest friends. One is in Cali, and I knew she’d never come, but I wanted to send her an invite anyway as we’re very close and constantly share kid stories (our 16yos are a week apart). The other was an in-town friend and I didn’t expect her to come either, but I wanted to share my joy. I remember when her nephew got his Eagle. :)</p>
<p>If it’s the D of a good friend, I would go. If it’s just someone you know in passing, just send a card. One of my best friends from college who I haven’t seen in the last 15 years sent me an invitation to her D’s wedding. She knew I wouldn’t attend but I did send a card with a gift card enclosed.</p>
<p>When I got married many years ago, I was given showers/teas/luncheons by my mother’s friends. In small towns in the south, it was tradition. They printed the dates and hostesses of all the showers along with the wedding write-ups in our tiny town newpspaper.</p>
<p>Those of you who say send a card: Are you talking about just a card, or enclosing a check or gift card, like PackMom?</p>
<p>I would include a small gift card. Most people appreciate a gift card of any amount and it would be an acknowledgement of the invitation to the Mom/hostess.</p>
<p>I don’t send gift cards, for two reasons:
- If I’m not close enough to go, I don’t see the need to send a gift. Otherwise, I’d be falling into the “let’s invite so-and-so to get more presents!” trap, which I despise.
- I don’t like people knowing exactly how much I’ve spent on a gift - I like to shop and get bargains, especially nowadays.</p>
<p>What memories!</p>
<p>Happydad and I gave up on the idea of having a “real wedding” when trying to plan ways to keep his mom safely separated from his dad and step-mom for the three or four days they would be in my home town made me hyperventilate. My mother told me straight out that I couldn’t elope just yet because I was her last daughter to marry off and it was her last chance to collect on her social debts. Her church, work, neighborhood, ladies club, community organization, you-name-it friends all turned up. We had the best time! 22 years later I still use the cutting board from the long-time family friend who told me, “I wanted to give you something that you’d use everyday so you’d think of me.”</p>
<p>I can’t remember now if the bridal shower made the newspaper, but it may have.</p>
<p>Here’s another question on wedding showers–D1 is getting married in a few months. Her maid of honor and a close friend of mine have both offered to host showers. D1 doesn’t feel she needs two showers and isn’t even sure about one shower. Her feeling is that because the wedding is in a resort area–not in the high season, but still an expensive place to stay and because it’s an island, not exactly the easiest place transportationwise–D1 feels that she doesn’t want people to have to spend extra money for a shower gift. My good friend, who fondly remembers a shower that her mom’s friends threw for her and who has three sons and loves to do girly events (her words) suggested just having a shower party. If D1 doesn’t want gifts, my friend says she’ll put “no gifts please” on the invite or ask people to give (in lieu of gifts) to an organization for which I’ve done a great deal of volunteer work and fundraising (most of my local friends have done fundraising for this group as well–it’s where we all met). D1 doesn’t mind having a shower, but feels strongly about the gifts. My friend would invite the bridesmaids (those who are in town), a few of D’s friends in town, and my friends who are local and invited to the wedding. It would be a group of about 25 total.
So–would it be inappropriate or a huge violation of etiquette to do the above? I’d love to hear what people think.</p>
<p>Bromfield,
Charity idea is good.
My MO never believed in expensive shower gifts. Once she asked guests to bring a favorite recipe in lieu of a gift. I wish I remembered more of her ways to get around the 3-gifts-per event notion.</p>